On Premarital Sex And  Steve Harvey’s 90-Day Rule

Steve Harvey on the set of Steve Harvey Show.
Steve Harvey

Have you ever heard of the so-called Steve Harvey’s 90-day rule with respect to the timing of sex in a dating relationship? Whether your answer is yes or no, join me as I examine that issue in this blog post.

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“How Do I Keep My New Year Resolution Of No More Premarital Sex?”

That was the question someone asked on an open online social network forum I belong to. The question was asked about four years ago, but it still feels so fresh like today’s stuff. That’s why I’m revisiting it here.

Premarital sex has to do with people engaging in sexual activities before they are legally married. In other words, sex before marriage!

“What’s wrong with sex before marriage?” you may ask.

Well, let me ask you back, “What’s wrong with opening a clinic and performing complicated surgeries before obtaining the medical licence to do so?”

You may say the analogies are not the same. But that’s your perspective.

My perspective (which is Biblical too) is that sex is to be practised within the holy confines of marriage. Anything outside of that is devil’s idea.

You may disagree with me over that but it will show two things: you don’t know God and you are not accountable to Him.

If you truly know God and you see yourself as accountable to Him, you will know of a fact that there is everything wrong with premarital sex.

Forget about the unwanted pregnancies or abortions that may result from it, the diseases one may contract through it, the broken trust and disappointments that may result from it, the guilt and the shame….Think of it as disobedience to God or as Joseph put it, a “great wickedness and sin against God” (See Genesis 39:9).

Did you see that? Premarital sex is sin against God. Nothing short of that.

“Everyone is doing it.” But that doesn’t make it right!

Perhaps the person that asked the question that formed the title of this post had come to that realisation that sex before marriage is not good; or may be she has not, I can’t tell for sure.

But one thing was sure: the person was looking for answers. And I felt compelled to put out my suggestions on that online forum.

Those contributions of mine form the bulk of the text that I’m sharing below.

First and foremost, we would agree that it is good to make new year resolutions on matters that are of interest to us – like that lady tried to do with stopping sexual activities before marriage.

Whether the resolutions are kept or not is another kettle of fish all together.

But what that poor lady failed to realise was that to be able to stop engaging in premarital coitus, it will take more than a simple resolution at the beginning of the year; it would require a more compelling reason.

Like I said to her, “Ordinary resolution is not enough. If the reason is not strong enough, you can’t keep the promise.”

I don’t know about you, but what reason(s) would I consider strong enough for the lady to stop all sexual activities before marriage?

1. That she is now born again, so old things have passed away, including engaging in premarital sex;

2. She is now convinced that premarital sex is a sin against God, so she is stopping the practice because she doesn’t want to continue in sin and continue to displease God;

3. That she is now trusting in God to help her keep the promise of abstinence till she gets married, not relying on her strength or willpower alone;

4. That she is now ready to obey God by staying away from sex until she is married, even at the risk of loosing her current man if he refuses to respect her decision to abstain.

If she is not sure of any of the above, I doubt if she can keep the promise of her new year resolution of discontinuing that practice of engaging in sex before marriage.

What do you think?


Why Christians Should Be Wary Of Secular Materials On Sex

Why Christians should be wary of secular materials on sex.

You are a committed Christian, a good disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ. You love the Lord with all your heart. To the best of your abilities, you want to please Him in everything and in anything you do.

You are married to a spouse who is equally committed to the Lord as you are. You both trust God for the best in all areas of your marital union.

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