“How Do I Keep My New Year Resolution Of No More Premarital Sex?”

That was the question someone asked on an open online social network forum I belong to. The question was asked about four years ago, but it still feels so fresh like today’s stuff. That’s why I’m revisiting it here.

Premarital sex has to do with people engaging in sexual activities before they are legally married. In other words, sex before marriage!

“What’s wrong with sex before marriage?” you may ask.

Well, let me ask you back, “What’s wrong with opening a clinic and performing complicated surgeries before obtaining the medical licence to do so?”

You may say the analogies are not the same. But that’s your perspective.

My perspective (which is Biblical too) is that sex is to be practised within the holy confines of marriage. Anything outside of that is devil’s idea.

You may disagree with me over that but it will show two things: you don’t know God and you are not accountable to Him.

If you truly know God and you see yourself as accountable to Him, you will know of a fact that there is everything wrong with premarital sex.

Forget about the unwanted pregnancies or abortions that may result from it, the diseases one may contract through it, the broken trust and disappointments that may result from it, the guilt and the shame….Think of it as disobedience to God or as Joseph put it, a “great wickedness and sin against God” (See Genesis 39:9).

Did you see that? Premarital sex is sin against God. Nothing short of that.

“Everyone is doing it.” But that doesn’t make it right!

Perhaps the person that asked the question that formed the title of this post had come to that realisation that sex before marriage is not good; or may be she has not, I can’t tell for sure.

But one thing was sure: the person was looking for answers. And I felt compelled to put out my suggestions on that online forum.

Those contributions of mine form the bulk of the text that I’m sharing below.

First and foremost, we would agree that it is good to make new year resolutions on matters that are of interest to us – like that lady tried to do with stopping sexual activities before marriage.

Whether the resolutions are kept or not is another kettle of fish all together.

But what that poor lady failed to realise was that to be able to stop engaging in premarital coitus, it will take more than a simple resolution at the beginning of the year; it would require a more compelling reason.

Like I said to her, “Ordinary resolution is not enough. If the reason is not strong enough, you can’t keep the promise.”

I don’t know about you, but what reason(s) would I consider strong enough for the lady to stop all sexual activities before marriage?

1. That she is now born again, so old things have passed away, including engaging in premarital sex;

2. She is now convinced that premarital sex is a sin against God, so she is stopping the practice because she doesn’t want to continue in sin and continue to displease God;

3. That she is now trusting in God to help her keep the promise of abstinence till she gets married, not relying on her strength or willpower alone;

4. That she is now ready to obey God by staying away from sex until she is married, even at the risk of loosing her current man if he refuses to respect her decision to abstain.

If she is not sure of any of the above, I doubt if she can keep the promise of her new year resolution of discontinuing that practice of engaging in sex before marriage.

What do you think?



Written By Victor Uyanwanne

Negative thinking stifles creative energy

“Happy new year” to you. If you are reading this post, it means you made it into the much awaited new year, 2016. To that extent, I would heartily say to you ‘congratulations’.

Many people begin a new year loaded with what is popularly known as ‘new year resolution’. Fortunate are you if you are one of those very few people who are always able to follow through with their new year resolution. As you are well aware of, it is widely acknowledged that a high percentage of people who make new year resolutions are unable to carry on with it till the end of the set goal.

Failure to achieve the set goal may often lead to unhappiness, regrets and even depression. For you to really have a happy new year, I have the following suggestions to put forth:

Consider what goes on in your mind. The battle of life will often being won or lost in your mind. Cultivate positive thoughts. Negative thinking stifles creative energy. “Think about what you are thinking”, someone once advised me. If any of your thoughts do not contribute to your happiness, health and wealth and that of those around you, there should be no use accommodating such thoughts. Consider your thoughts.

Your words will make or mar you. One suggestion I will give you for the new year is that you should not say negative things about you, your life or your circumstances. Your words will naturally flow from your thoughts. If you are able to cultivate only positive thoughts in your heart, speaking positive words will not be a herculean task. Consider your words because they will either speak in your favour or stand against you.

Have a clear idea of what you want to do/achieve. You can call it goal-setting if you like but it’s important you do it in this new year. It is often said that if you don’t know where you are going, you may not know when you get there. Knowing what to do and how to do it are a powerful combination that will enable you to win out during the year.

All your actions are important. Do things that tend toward the attainment of your goals. By the end of 2016, what you become or fail to become will be a sum total of what you did or failed to do in the course of the year. Therefore, it is wisdom to start watching your actions from day one, week one and month one of the new year. I am not suggesting you should be hard on yourself. But you have to try your best to do your best from the outset. That way you would be sure of getting greater value out of the new year.

Try something new. I know you like your comfort zone – most people do. But you will never experience the kind of joy that comes only from conquering new ‘territories’ if you remain in your comfort zone. As you go through the new year, try out new things; do something different from what you are used to. Expand your experience, broaden your horizon. I must add that this is not an advice to clutter your schedule unnecessarily. I know you know how far to go.

By the end of 2016, what you become or fail to become will be a sum total of what you did or failed to do in the course of the year.



©Copyright | Victor Uyanwanne