WHEN YOU ARE NOT HAPPY, BLAME THIS GUY

WHEN YOU ARE NOT HAPPY, BLAME THIS GUY

By Victor Uyanwanne

Everyone wants to be happy in life but not everyone is happy. You don’t need to look hard enough around you in your family, workplace, church and neighbourhoods to find huge evidences to support that assertion.

I once rode on a public bus in Lagos, Nigeria, with someone who claimed she didn’t want to be wealthy in life. Of course she stated her reasons, even though I felt differently about her position after listening to her. But I am yet to meet anyone who doesn’t want to be happy in life.

In this article, I do not mean to explain why people are not as happy as they should. But it is my objective to point out who people should not blame if they find that they are not as happy as can be.

Who to blame if you are not happy

Have you not noticed that most people who are not happy blame other people but themselves for not being happy? I don’t know about you, as for me, I know that I would not feel nice if someone blamed me for his unhappiness.

Please be honest with me now, how would you feel if other people blamed their unhappiness on you? I am sure you would not like it too! So if you don’t like other people blaming their unhappiness on you, never feel justified to blame your own unhappiness on other people.

If you are not happy as a husband/wife, don’t blame it on your spouse. 

That has to be said because it seems to be natural to blame someone else once anything goes wrong.

“Whatever you do with your life don’t blame me,” an angry mum once said to her wayward teenager. That sounds like a familiar tune in some families.

Right or wrong, even you may have someone you may readily feel is responsible for your unhappiness. But blaming someone else for your unhappiness will not cause you to be truly happy.

Here now is the big question: If you are not happy in life, who should you blame? The answer is……………  NO ONE!

Actually, a better advice would be that you should take responsibility for your perceived unhappiness and snap yourself out of it.  I am not saying it’s easy but it can be done. No one can do it for you except you.

Looking for Happiness
Looking for Happiness

In a previous post on this blog, it was asserted that the key to your happiness is in your hands – not in the hands of another person. As everyone is responsible for his own destiny, so is everyone responsible for his own happiness. That is to say, if you are not happy, don’t blame another person.

But what do we see in people who are not happy? They blame others for their unhappiness! Unhappy mothers blame their children. Unhappy children blame their parents. An unhappy spouse blames the other half, and so on and so forth.

Should it always be so? My candid answer would be a huge NO. Here are my summarized takes on it:

    1. If you are not happy as an employee, don’t blame it on your employer.

    2. If you are not happy as a citizen of your country, don’t blame it on your Government.
    3. If you are not happy as a teacher, don’t blame it on your students.
    4. If you are not happy as a student, don’t blame it on your teacher.
    5. If you are not happy as a husband/wife, don’t blame it on your spouse.
    6. If you are not happy as a child, don’t blame it on your parents.

    7. If you are not happy as a parent, don’t blame it on your children.
    8. If you are not happy as a player, don’t blame it on your coach.
    9. If you are not happy as a team member, don’t blame it on your other team members.
    10. If you are not happy as a pastor, don’t blame it on your congregation.
    11. If you are not happy as a member of your congregation, don’t blame it on your pastor.
    12. Most importantly if you are not happy with your life, don’t blame it on God.

You have read my thoughts. Please feel free to share yours. I will be glad to read your comments.

© Copyright | Victor Uyanwanne

11 Hard Lessons For Personal Happiness You Should Know

By Victor Uyanwanne
To be happy, make others happy.

The responsibility to be happy and stay happy lies with you. That is to say that if you leave yourself at the mercy of others to make you happy, you will often be disappointed because no one person can make you happy all the time – not even your spouse.
You have the right to be happy and you have the freedom to seek happiness.  But don’t put yourself in a situation where your personal happiness is 100% dependent on other people.

When you make another person happy, it is your duty; If another person makes you happy, it is a favour.

No one but you can make you happy. This was well addressed on this blog in the post before this one.

Who to blame if you are not happy.

Let your happiness depend on YOU. In other words, you can choose whether or not to be happy. It is entirely up to you, irrespective of the prevailing circumstances around you.

To achieve this, there are some interrelated hard lessons on the responsibility for personal happiness you should know:

  1. You are responsible for your own happiness.  This sounds hard but it is true. If you can’t make yourself happy always, no one else will.
  1. Except you are still an infant, no one owes it to you to make you happy. Infants can’t take the responsibility for their own happiness. The burden is naturally that of their caregivers, parents or guardians.
  1. Although no one owes it to you to make you happy, you owe it to other people to contribute to their own happiness. Even the Bible says, “Owe no man anything, but to love one another.” So next time you see someone, remember that you owe him love.
  1. When you make another person happy, it is your duty; If another person makes you happy, it is a favour. While it is expected of you to contribute to someone’s happiness, it is only an act of favour if someone contributes to make you happy.
  1. You can’t truly be happy without making someone else happy. If you are seeking happiness, give it first. In The Wisdom Keys, Mike Murdock said, “what you make happen for others, God will make happen for you.” Those who make happiness happen for others will have happiness made happen for them.

want happiness

  1. Happiness is inside you, not outside. Those who seek happiness outside of their core being will never be fully satisfied. Most often than not, what you look for on the outside of you is already in the inside of you. Happiness is not an exception to this.
  1. If you are not happy, don’t blame anybody. Take full responsibility for your (un)happiness. If you don’t take the responsibility for your personal happiness, no one will.
  1. It is not bad to want personal happiness, but any attempt to rub other people of their own happiness in order to fuel yours will ultimately rob you of true happiness. So rather than concentrate on seeking happiness for yourself alone, you should also make room in your life to be a part of the happiness of other people. Someone once said, “It makes me happy to make other people happy.”
  1. If you sow happiness as a seed into the life of another person, it will ultimately come back to you as a fruit. An infallible law of nature states, “We reap what we sow.” If you are not reaping happiness where you are, you may have to cross-check the seed you have been sowing all along. Another definition of happiness is loving other people and being loved.
  1. You can hardly make other people happy if you are not happy yourself. To love others you have to first love yourself. Those who don’t love themselves are incapable of loving others. Even Jesus Christ said “love your neighbour as yourself”. This command to love others is premised on the natural assumption that you love yourself. It is not too late to start if you haven’t started already.
  1. Ultimately happiness is a choice. You can chose whether or not to be happy. It is not about what I say or what happens around you. It is largely up to you. So the next time you blame someone for your unhappiness, you know you blame the wrong person.

Please feel free to share your own thoughts in the comment section.

 

© Copyright 2015 | Victor Uyanwanne