Can Unhappy Parents Raise Happy Children?

Happy parents, happy children

Good parenting is very challenging. That’s a common belief. But I guess you may not fully comprehend all the angles to it until you wear the shoes.

If you are already a parent as I am, then you are in a familiar terrain. But if you are not one yet, I hope it is part of your plan to become one in future. The experience will be wonderful.

I became a dad for the first time in the middle of 2012. From then till now I have two energetic boys that now call me ‘daddy.’ The second one just turned two years while the first one will be four in July.

You know, it is a great privilege to be a dad. But it is also a great responsibility to shoulder. And if you ask me what kind of dad I would want to be, I would not hesitate to tell you that I would want to be a great one – a great dad to my kids, both in words and in deeds.

How do I mean?

I desire to be a perfect example for my children to follow.  I desire to be a shining light that shows them the best ways to live in order to lead a purposeful and meaningful life.

I also want to be their friend, their hero, their confidante, their mentor, their teacher and their ‘everything’ that is possible for me to be under the Earth. But sometimes, I worry that I may not always measure up to these awesome standards as excellently as I would want to.

The reason for that is not far-fetched: I am not perfect – nobody is. Only God is the indisputable perfect Father!

You may think that I shouldn’t worry about it since all humans are not perfect.  I am not unaware of my limitations as a mere human, but that shouldn’t stop me from trying my best.

What gives me a cause for concern is when my imperfections begin to show up in some ways that negatively affect the way I relate with friends, family and others alike. I am sure there are parents who feel that way too.

Understandably, my family – wife and kids – are the closest people to me. Those are the dearest people that look up to me for direction and for inspiration. But sometimes, it seems a daunting task to be all the best I could possibly be to them.

If you ask me what kind of dad I want to be, I would not hesitate to tell you that I would want to be a great one – in words and in deeds.

I want to be a happy father to my children and a happy husband to my wife. After all, a grumpy man would not make a good companion to anyone – family or not family. This is part of the reason I have realised that I should strive to always have my emotions under control.

As you know, someone gets hurt when negative emotions get out of hands. No matter the external pressures I face, I try to hold myself together in such a way that negative emotions such as depression, discouragement, anger, frustration, impatience and the likes do not run wild in me, to the detriment of my family or of any other person for that matter.

It has not always been easy to keep up with the expectation. But, I can always boldly say that the grace of God has been sufficient for me.

Recently I experience some moments of unhappiness over some dissatisfying situations around me. I became moody and it rubbed off on my wife. The result? Both of us became unhappy for a few days, negatively affecting our communication.

The situation might have gotten out of hand if we had not taken necessary steps to address it. Thanks to my wife, we were able to rise above that unhappy, moody feeling.

How did we do it?

We talked to ourselves and we talked to God too.

In talking to ourselves, we bridged the communication gap that was created by my moments of happiness. And in talking to God, we joined hands and prayed in faith over the issues that burdened us. Both actions gave us the needed reliefs.

As we rounded off the prayers, my eyes fell on my kids lying peaceably in their sleep. In a brief moment of reflection following the observation and in the light of my not-so-cheerful countenance in the previous few day, I found myself thinking aloud to the hearing of my wife:

My Love, we cannot afford not to be happy as parents.  We need to be a good example to these boys.

My wife nodded in total agreement.

My desire is that our children will grow up seeing a healthy and happy relationship between my wife and I. I hope that they will see us as a veritable example for them to emulate.

It seems logical to think that unhappy parents may not be able to raise happy children. And I don’t want to be caught in that web. That’s why I wish to ask the question here, Can unhappy parents raise happy children?”

What’s your take please?

©CopyRight | Victor Uyanwanne

Who Should You Blame When You Are Unhappy?


YOUR HAPPINESS

 

 

 

 

When you feel unhappy, are you ever tempted to blame someone else for it? Well, it happens…

But it doesn’t make it right.

How would you feel if someone else blamed you for his/her unhappiness? Your happiness is in your hands.

So…..

1.      If you are not happy as an employee, don’t blame it on your employer.

2.      If you are not happy as a citizen of your country, don’t blame it on your Government.

3.      If you are not happy as a teacher, don’t blame it on your students.

4.      If you are not happy as a student, don’t blame it on your teacher.

5.      If you are not happy as a husband/wife, don’t blame it on your spouse.

6.      If you are not happy as a child, don’t blame it on your parents.

7.      If you are not happy as a parent, don’t blame it on your children.

8.      If you are not happy as a player, don’t blame it on your coach.

9.      If you are not happy as a team member, don’t blame it on your other team members.

10.  If you are not happy as a pastor, don’t blame it on your congregation.

11.  If you are not happy as a member of your congregation, don’t blame it on your pastor.

12.  Most importantly if you are not happy with your life, don’t blame it on God.

 

Have you ever been tempted to blame someone else when unhappy? How did you handle it? Please share a word….

 

Excerpt from a previous post  “WHEN YOU ARE NOT HAPPY, BLAME THIS GUY

 

©CopyRight | Victor Uyanwanne

THINK MORE ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE THAN YOU THINK ABOUT YOURSELF

THINK MORE ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE THAN YOU THINK ABOUT YOURSELF
By Victor Uyanwanne
31/03/2015

On my fourth wedding anniversary recently, while doing an online search on WordPress, I was fortunate to stumble on a Seth Adam Smith’s article, “Marriage Isn’t For You.”

On the surface, the title of the article appeared to me to be somewhat discouraging marriage. And to be honest, at first I found that very unacceptable because I have always looked forward to being married; I got married and established my belief that marriage is for me. So you can imagine how infuriated I felt when I first saw the audacious title, “Marriage Isn’t For You.”

“How could he say that?” I queried into an empty air. Anyway, out of sheer curiosity, I proceeded to read the article. To my pleasant surprise, I discovered that there was more to the article than its title seemed to portray. I came to realise that the article didn’t say one should not get married, neither did it say that one made a mistake by getting married. But it succinctly embodied the principle, amongst others, that married people should think of their spouses and their needs more than they think of themselves.

Furthermore, I came to realise that I totally agree with Seth on the ideas he pushed forward in the article. “You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy…,” he opined. Even though he credited his father with it, the wisdom he expressed in the statement appeared simple in nature, yet very profound: “… Love and marriage isn’t for you. It’s for others.”

I believe the assertion is in line with what Apostle Paul told the Philippians several centuries ago: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves” (Phil. 2:3, NIV). For our purpose here, we can paraphrase this to say, “Spouse, don’t be selfish towards your partner. Be humble; ascribe more value to your spouse than you ascribe to yourself”.

Therefore, in saying “marriage isn’t for you”, I came to the understanding that Seth meant that “Marriage is about the person you married,” not necessarily about you.

SETH & WIFE
SETH & WIFE/www.dailymail.co.uk634 × 353

In Seth’s own words:

.… A true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?””
“And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered”  (Emphasis mine).

In the final analysis, it became more obvious that in marriage relationships:

• We should think more about our spouses than we expect them to think about us.
• We should give to our spouses more than we expect them to give us.
• We should love our spouses more than we expect them to love us.
• We should give more honour to our spouses than we expect them to give to us.
• We should forgive and tolerate the bahaviour of our spouses more than we expect them to do for us;
• If we don’t like it when our spouses annoy us, why do we not care a hoot when we annoy them?

I am convinced that if we sow happiness in our spouses, the fruit will show up in our own lives.

References:
http://sethadamsmith.com/literal-odyssey/marriage-isnt-for-you/ accessed on 26/03/2015

http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/marriage-isnt-for-you/ accessed on 26/03/2015

 

HAPPY WEDDING ANNIVERSARY TO US

HAPPY WEDDING ANNIVERSARY TO US

By Victor Uyanwanne

MR & MRS VICTOR UYANWANNE

Today is March 26, 2015. To everyone else, it may look like any other day. But to my wife, Jenny and I, it is our fourth year wedding anniversary. Somehow, just like any other happily married couple, we have a right to see the day as special. I believe you agree with me.

Exactly 1460 days ago, I got married to My Love (that’s what I call her). You see, time flies! But it seemed like yesterday, when our wonderful friends and our ever-supportive families gathered to see me get married to the most beautiful lady on earth. Smiles!

VICTOR & JENNIFER UYANWANNE WITH PASTORS AND DEACONESSES PRESENT AT THE WEDDING

I can still recall how very happy I was on that day. Believe me, I was happy and it showed. But beyond the butterflies in my stomach and the radiant smiles on my face then, to the delight of everyone present, I also sang a song for my wife’s pleasure during our wedding reception. (I had written the song for this purpose).

“You made me feel so special in the eyes of everyone”. That was what my wife said to me after the special song rendition I did for her. Well, to me, I didn’t just make her feel special – She is special, very special.

JENNIFER UYANWANNE

I didn’t have the voice of a Celine Dion. But with my heart filled with divine love, I sang the song with my-good-enough voice and made my wife very happy. Isn’t that what matters?

Here is the first verse of the song. Hopefully, in future we will do a music video out of it (smiles):

I love you, JennyVICTOR UYANWANNE
I love you from my heart
I meant it when I stood before God’s holy altar
And I said “I do”
Now there is nothing that can happen
That will make me change my mind
This is from heart

Four years down the road, my joy still knows no bounds. I have no doubt that she feels same way too. As we encapsulated in the toast on our wedding invitation card, for us it was:

Friendship made in Heaven
Established in love on Earth
To be together forever

VICTOR & JENNIFER UYANWANNE - TRADITIONAL OUTFIT

That was how we felt then. That is how we still feel today. By the grace of God, we will always feel that way.

……… My wife was still asleep when I rushed off to the office this morning. But it doesn’t make the day less special for us. The coming weekend will be a good time to celebrate our four years of marital bliss. (Please, understand that we also had a share of our challenges. But we are always overcoming them).

Meanwhile, as I began to settle down to begin the days work, I quickly sent a BBM chat to my wife:

“My greatest joy is that you are the one I married. Happy wedding anniversary, my Love.”  Almost immediately, I got a response from her:

“Yeah! Thanks. It’s been four years of happiness. I’m glad you are my husband. Happy wedding anniversary to us.”

What more can I say?

MR & MRS VICTOR UYANWANNE WITH SAMUEL UYANWANNEMR & MRS VICTOR UYANWANNEVICTOR & JENNIFER UYANWANNE WITH BARRISTER & MRS ESEZOBORVICTOR & JENNIFER UYANWANNE WITH LITTLE GROOM & LITTLE BRIDE WALKING INVICTOR & JENNIFER UYANWANNE WITH PASTORS AND DEACONESSES PRESENT AT THE WEDDINGVICTOR & UYANWANNEVICTOR UYANWANNE RECEIVING THE BRIDE FROM HER DADVICTOR UYANWANNE WITH LITTLE GROOM BEST UYANWANNE