“I can’t breathe,” has now become the rallying chant for the Black Lives Matter massive protests in major cities around the world. It has also become the slogan being used against social injustices of diverse kinds.
Have you ever heard of the so-called Steve Harvey’s 90-day rule with respect to the timing of sex in a dating relationship? Whether your answer is yes or no, join me as I examine that issue in this blog post.
The novel coronavirus pandemic also known as covid 19 is still ravaging various parts of the world. Although concerted efforts are being made to contain the pandemic, the global picture is still very gloomy.
For a disease as deadly as the coronavirus pandemic, it will make a lot of sense for us to figure out and be absolutely sure what caused it – for posterity sake.
But going by various reports monitored on social media, there is hardly a worldwide consensus as to the actual cause of the disease. As a result, several conspiracy theories exist…
The city where you live or work may be on a lockdown but your life should not be on a shutdown. Even as much movement is restricted, there are things you can do within your home to maximise your life during the lockdown.
Due to the covid 19 pandemic movement of people around the world has been largely restricted. The slogan is now “stay at home”, “stay safe,” or “work from home.”
However, not everyone is equipped with the facility to work from home. So apart from working, what else can you do to maximize your time at home in a period of lockdown?
Where on earth is the man I am supposed to marry? I am tired of waiting and I don’t want to make a mistake. I am in my late 20’s slowly approaching 30 soon and would like to settle [down in marriage] within the next one year. My family is putting a lot of pressure on me and I am starting to crumble under the pressure of having to remain sane while waiting for my own [man].
That was from a christian sister expressing her frustrations over her desire to get married but which had not come through.
If you found yourself on this page without having read the first part of the post, please go and read it before you continue with this one. That way, you will have a solid background of the issue in discourse.
Right now, instead of worrying about hooking up with the right man, you concentrate on being the right lady and the right man will find you at the right time.
We will continue from where we stopped by looking at some more advice given to the sister in question by some concerned people. (Again, please read the part one of the post – if you haven’t done so. Thank you).
Let’s us take a look at more advice:
You have painted a picture of the kind of man you are waiting for: a God fearing Man… that’s good. Every woman wants the guy of their dreams to be ready made. But very few are willing to work to make the “man of their dreams.”
Some times, from in the midst of dirt comes true lasting diamonds… Jesus Christ promised a thief paradise at his death – not the best of his disciples, nor the perfect of men, but a “thief”.
Maybe your “man” would not come the way you expect. Just as the way the Israelites expected the Messiah to be born in the palace not in a manger… My dear be open-minded… good Christians are not born, they are made… the most devout of Christians most often times were not born Christians…
What I am saying is that you should keep an open mind and don’t restrict your heart to finding him in your church or among the young pastors in your Church…
God would bring not the best person for you, but the right person for you… please I would advise you [not to] take all relationship decisions to your pastor. Better talk to your parents than your pastor… just my advise o! I’m not saying your pastor is not good in such issues.
You would be fine… live and be happy… don’t let the pressure overwhelm you.
And this one really broke it down:
Stop being too conservative; you said you’re an indoor person. If you keep staying indoors WHO would see you? Come out of the shell and let ‘’the product’’ be seen and heard.
Your appearance matters a lot – you need to look good 24/7 but in a generally accepted way. (Neither too holy looking nor too sinful looking). If you are fat – loose the weight. Most guys (like me) ABHORE FAT GIRLS as wife beacause they look lazy, dirty and sexually unattractive.
Your character too; carrying Bible and going to church everyday DOES NOT MEAN you are good natured. Even satan goes to church these days and calls himself ‘’pastor’’. BE SINCERELY GOOD NATURED. BE OPEN MINDED. BE SIMPLE NATURED.
When a joke is funny laugh – be yourself in a good mannered way. Let people see that you are humble. Be accommodating with ALL classes of people. When you come across ‘’drunkards, party freaks’’ and poor/ christian men, DON’T CARRY YOUR NOSE UP; their brother might just be Mr Perfect or Mr Perfect might just be watching you.
Be perfect in courtesy. Learn to greet anyone/everyone politely. Greeting alone has given thousands of girls husbands.
Be positive minded – imagine good things and smile and pray for them to come.
Let’s conclude with this one who gave her own advice/suggestions by telling her experience with her own sister:
I have an elder sister who will be 30 years next year. She’s unmarried too, and she’s a good christian but she’s very judgemental.
I say it without an iota of doubt that she’s been single this long because of her judgemental nature. And I have noticed that is one thing many self-acclaimed “good christians” have in common.
So if before now you have maintained a self-righteous attitude, madam, I tell you today that you have a long way to go because no one will ever be good enough for you. Please, I will advise you to maintain your virtues as a woman, but embrace the quality of open mindedness.
Learn to relate with people and learn from them instead of judging them before they even come close. People will always have excesses. It’s not yours to write them off, but to live peaceably with all men as much as you can.
By becoming more accommodating and open-minded concerning people, you will understand that we are all different because of our cultures, upbringing, orientation and even religious beliefs and this will help you have a better approach towards people and things.
However, do not mistake my post to mean that I am accusing you decisively of being judgemental or narrow minded. I’m just saying that if you are, please make an attempt to change; it could be holding you back more than you know. I am emphasizing this because I live with someone who is and I know how much it has affected her.
May God direct your path, I can’t say anything outside this because I’m just 21 yrs, very single and I don’t have too much I about all these marriage issues. I will also like to tell you to do something because you want to, not because of pressure [from other people]. That has helped me in a lot of my doings. I leave you with this. May God be your guide.
What would be your advice to a Christian lady waiting for the right man to marry? Let the conservation continue in the comment section.
In 2013, a Nigerian Christian lady published an online post on the frustrations she was facing waiting for the right man to get married to. According to her, she was under immense pressure from her family to get married.
The good part was that she was ready to get married and two she knew the kind of husband she wanted: a godly man who is filled with the word of God, a lover of God and a man fit to be a minister of the gospel.
But the bad part was that such a man was not forth coming her way (yet). And she was getting tired waiting…
“Where on earth is this man?” she had asked in utter frustration. “And does it mean all the good men are already taken?”
Let’s take a deeper peep into her situation as she narrated in her own words:
… I never thought I’d be the lady staying calm and waiting almost endlessly for the one I would spend the rest of my life with; the one who would one day become my husband and the father of my children, my best friend and love.
I am a christian and have noticed that I have a thing for Christian men who are filled with the word of God. Needless to say that I would eventually be getting into ministry in my older years, and every prophetic word I have heard about my marriage has pointed to the fact that the man God has prepared for me would also most likely be in ministry and a huge God lover.
Now the thing is where on earth is this man? I am tired of waiting and I don’t want to make a mistake.
I am in my late 20’s slowly approaching 30 soon and would like to settle [down in marriage] within the next one year.
My family is putting a lot of pressure on me and I am starting to crumble under the pressure of having to remain sane while waiting for my own [man].
I have indeed met a lot of other men who I dare not settle with. eg party rockers, drinkers, womanizers and the rest. Does it mean that all the good men are taken?
Aside waiting, I also want to feel loved, wanted and appreciated. I want him so much already.
I am a professional lady, I am yoruba, I am gentle, kind hearted and want to continue serving God. What can I do to remain calm? (Source: Nairaland )
I felt touched by the sister’s post, hence I decided to offer my two cents in response. (Bear in mind this was way back in 2013).
You sound like a decent girl, so I would say there is no need to become desperate…. And don’t let anyone, family members inclusive, unduly pressure you into Marriage. The danger in that is that you might end up with the wrong guy.
Bear in mind that 28 is not too old [to get married]. I understand your anxiety but be careful not to descend into desperation….
Right now, instead of worrying about hooking up with the right man, you concentrate on being the right lady and the right man will find you at the right time.
Trust in God to give you the right man. In the midst of wolves parading as men, God knows the right man for the right woman.
Be convinced that God loves you enough to give you the best husband. There are still some good men, husband material, out there, looking for someone like you.
But like they say, if you don’t define, you won’t find. So Please take time to list out the things you want in your husband. Everyday, look at the list, be positive about it; envision him come to you. It may sound funny but it works.
With that frame of mind, you can now pray: Oh Lord, wherever my husband is, let him locate me. Bring him to me or take me to where he is so we can meet each other.
It worked for me that way. And today, my wife and I are happily married. You will soon testify too.
As you would rightly expect, there was a barrage of other advice or suggestions in response to that post. Some of them are not worth your time, so I won’t bother to share them here.
However, there were some I considered very useful, and I will share a few of them here with the hope that someone in similar situation may learn from it.
Check out this one first:
I understand your frustration and exhaustive patience. However, He makes all things beautiful in His time and not our time. A lot of single ladies have made terrible and life threatening mistakes because of impatience.
While waiting for the right man, keep adding values to yourself, study good and bad marriages to learn how a home should be, read books and enjoy your singlehood to the maximum in a godly way.
“The vision may tarry, wait for it, it shall speak…” You need to exercise patience and trust God with all your heart. Need I add that this is the time you should draw closer to God – not for what He can give but pleasing and doing His will.
So my sister, do not let your age or pressure from any source push you to do what is not right. Do not mind people talking about you closing in to 30. I wonder the importance of the age if one lives a useless life.
And this one:
…All I can say is that He is preparing you for the task ahead in your ministry and in your home. See this waiting period as an opportunity for you to develop yourself spiritually as it would come in handy when you get married. You will agree with me that staying married is more important than getting married.
And then this:
You are just 28 so its not yet time to press the panic button and please do not let anyone pressure you yet. You say you love Christian men so at least you know what you want. So the question is where are you likely to get Christian men?
Church is the simple answer! Again not all men in Church are Christians but I believe you have the Spirit of God and you will be able to tell the difference.
I also encourage you to get more involved in Church activities, Bible study, mid-week service, become a worker and put yourself in a position where you will meet Christian men. Again be careful because lots of bad boys are in church these days; but you have the Spirit of God in you and you will know the difference.
I can even suggest you try to get close to your Pastor or his wife. Lots of Pastors actually do hook-ups with Church members these days and if your pastor is nice, he could hook you up with a nice gentleman in church.
Again, tell your friends and their husbands too that they could hook you up with their friends or cousins etc. You just can’t stay at home and expect Mr. Right to come around. Some people don’t like hook-ups but I see nothing wrong in it.
Lastly you say you are a professional, do you have friends where you work? Try to be accommodating more and go for Christmas parties and office parties, you could meet someone there as well.
But please make sure you know what you want in a man because there are devils out there who are just waiting to prey on young innocent girls like you so be careful. You are a Christian and remember the virtues of Christianity. God help you.
What would be your own advice to the lady in question?
Every one of us have men in our lives. We have them as our fathers, husbands, brothers, uncles, cousins, pastors, colleagues, friends, neighbours, employers, employees, doctors, to name but a few.
These people influence our lives and positively impact the society as well. Sometimes we celebrate them (like on father’s day), sometimes we don’t. But each one of us should have at least one reason to celebrate the men in our lives.
What for? The work hard to make our lives and society better. They provide leadership, provision, protection and so on so forth for us.
I’m not suggesting that men should become the object of our collective worship. But I’m saying there is nothing wrong with celebrating men for their immense contribution to the well-being of the society.
Today is that day set aside around the world for such celebration; every year, the 19th day of November is observed as International Men’s Day (IMD). And by extension, November is sometimes referred to as International Men’s month.
Now, the question is, “What is the purpose of having an International Men’s Day?” It is generally understood as an “occasion to celebrate boys and men’s achievements and contributions, in particular for their contributions to community, family, marriage, and child care. The broader and ultimate aim of the event is to promote basic humanitarian values” (Wikipedia).
Did you notice that boys were included alongside men to be celebrated? That is to say, it is a day earmarked to celebrate the male gender’s contribution to society. (Sorry ladies, you can wait till the 20th day of the month of March when the next International Women’s Day will be celebrated).
In pursuing the objective of celebrating men’s and boy’s positive contribution to society, special focus is made on some specific areas of boy’s and men’s lives. These are encapsulated in what is referred to as:
The 6 Pillars of International Men’s Day
According to the IMD’s website, the objectives of the International Men’s Day are as listed below:
To promote positive male role models; not just movie stars and sports men but every day, working class men who are living decent, honest lives.
To celebrate men’s positive contributions to society, community, family, marriage, child care, and to the environment.
To focus on men’s health and well-being; social, emotional, physical and spiritual.
To highlight discrimination against men; in areas of social services, social attitudes and expectations, and law.
To improve gender relations and promote gender equality
To create a safer, better world; where people can be safe and grow to reach their full potential.
These are noble objectives you might say. But to which extent are they being achieved? That’s a question for another day!
Meanwhile, if you are a male reading this, don’t just read and walk away indifferently. I would like you to take another look at the six objectives listed above as a form of self evaluation to enable you identify areas for possible personal improvement.
If you are like me, we know we have not been the best we could be or did the best we could do in those stated cardinal areas. That’s to say, there is still room for improvement for all of us boys and men.
On the other hand, if you are a non-male, you may also want to evaluate the six objectives to identify the ones that appeal to you most. You can then help the men and boys around you improve in those areas of their lives or simply suggest to them as specific areas of improvement.
Happy International Men’s Day!
Let the conversation continue in the comment section.
Recall that when I posted my review of Ufuomaee’s The House Girl, I promised you that I would also read and review some other books by the same author. This post will be my fulfillment of that promise and I am glad to do it pro bono.
Some months have passed since I’ve completed reading the Perfect Love from cover to cover. I know I should have done the review earlier than now but after several weeks of doing the reviewing in my head, I have decided to put pen to paper. So please spare me some minutes from your precious time as I share my thoughts about the book.
About the book
Perfect Love is about the travails of Onome who has been unhappily married to her husband Temi for six years. Just before their sixth wedding anniversary, Onome meets her ex-boy friend and this turns her world upside down and she became “…a wandering heart. A restless heart. A troubled heart.”
Did Onome fall into the temptations that ensued? Did her husband find out about the other man? Was their marriage consumed by the lack of love and commitment in the relationship? Was she as committed to the marriage as she was to her writing career? It will be worth your time to find out the answers to these questions and more by reading the book.
The book is written by the brainy Ofuomaee, blogger at Grace & Truth, social entrepreneur and author of multiple christian fiction books. In the Perfect Love, the author continues in her now well established style of teaching valuable christian-living lessons via fictional stories that readers find largely believable and relatable.
The only departure from the author’s usual style is that instead of her being the one telling the stories and unfolding the narratives, she allowed each character in the book to do so by themselves. In a way, that also gives the reader a special experience while devouring the book.
The journaling style the author employed in writing the book gave me a breath of fresh air while reading it – a different style of presentation from anything I’ve read recently. As I noted earlier, the author allowed the characters to tell their stories by themselves and in their own words – what they did, could have done, thought about etc.
My worst and favourite character
If I were to pick out my worst character in Perfect Love, it would have to be no other person than Onome herself. Granted that she was very a brilliant and likable person, she continued to make choices that left much to be desired.
It was very annoying to me that she professed to be a born again Christian but had little or no commitment to living up to that sublime identity. And this contributed to her being entangled in the avoidable web of marital frustrations and unhappiness that she was enmeshed in.
My take is that she was, to a greater part, the architect of her own marital misfortunes. In one moment of reflection, she hit the nail on the head when she admitted, “I think our foundation was all wrong, we’d never taken the time to correct it. Yes, we both believed in God [but] He wasn’t Lord of our hearts, our marriage [and] our home.”
Most of the things she went through could have been avoided had she been truly committed to her profession of being a child of God. But then I have realised that, in many ways, Onome is not different from many of us who claim to be christians; we acknowledged God as our Saviour but we hardly let Him be the Lord of our lives.
And we claim we know God but we live our lives like we don’t know Him. What ever happened to the injunction of Jesus to us in Matthew 5:16,
“… let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”?
Enough of Onome’s spiritual and emotional immaturity! I believe we all have some serious soul-searching to do. The earlier we get started the better.
If we must claim to have a relationship with God, let it show in our words and in our actions. Otherwise, we will not be able to escape the consequences of a hypocritical lifestyle.
On the other hand, I would pick the marriage counselor as my favorite character in the book. Her uncommon wisdom, christian maturity and honour shined through her counselling room. I saw her as a good ambassador of God and her profession.
I would assure you that you would pick one or two wisdom from the lips of that impressive marriage counselor when you read the book. As she says in one instant, “When you change your priories and give more time to things that matter, your life will be better for it.”
And who doesn’t want a better life?
I think Ufuomaee did a great job in the Perfect Love, addressing such familiar but important issues as communication in marriage, dealing with infidelity, divorce, marriage counselling, forgiveness, and so on. Although the book centres mainly on marriage and family affairs, I have no doubt that both married and unmarried people will find it helpful.
I definitely had my moments of both sobriety and thrill as I rummaged the pages of Perfect Love. And I believe I have many reasons to thank Ufuomaee for yet another good contribution to the genre of christian fiction.
Thank you for reading!
You can share your own thoughts in the comment section.
Let’s assume you know where you are going, or what you want in life. That’s great and commendable on your part because many people you will find around you have not yet figured that out.
If you happen to meet someone like that whom you are interested in or whom who desire a relationship with, but you are not sure exactly where they are in their lives or what they want in future, one way you can find out is to ask them the right questions.
With the right questions about their future plans, you will be able to gain an insight into the kind of future such people envisage for themselves.
That brings us to the point where we can talk about what is known as future review questions.
Future review questions are the questions you ask so “you can help other people (and yourself) to clarify what’s important for their future” (R. J Adams).
For instance, “How do you see yourself in the next five years” is a future review question.
Future review questions help people to describe a preferred future; help them to paint a “portrait of their life as they desire it to be.”
It is about articulating the things that are important to you, without which you would not consider life to be satisfying.
It makes sense to find out where your would-be ‘relationship partner’ stand on this. Right? Continue reading…
The Possible Scenarios
There are at least three possibilities that will unfold once you begin to ask future review questions to someone you just met and with whom you are interested in establishing a warm relationship with:
He or she will be willing and is able to respond to your questions by clearly painting the portrait of the future that he or she desires.
In other words, he or she will readily answer your future review questions.
He or she is willing but unable to clearly describe the kind of the future he or she desires.
In other words, he or she has some difficulties answering your future review questions.
He or she is not willing to go into that kind of discussion with you.
In other words, he or she refuses to answer your future review questions.
Whatever response you might get from any of the three situations described above will give you a huge insight into the kind of person you are dealing with and how to further relate with him or her going forward.
Please stay with me, you will find some useful hints on how to go about it.
In his online book, How To Find A Good Christian Wife, And Keep Her, R. J. Adams gives us a detailed explanation or suggestions on how to handle any of those three scenarios.
Although his explanations were given chiefly in the context of a single man seeking for relationship with a woman, I believe the underlining principles could also be applied to other forms of mutually beneficial relationships of interest to you.
Please hear him:
“With those people who readily answer your question, you will likely have an interesting conversation about what is most important to them and what would make them satisfied. In those cases where you can add something to their preferred future, or where you can help them achieve their desired results, you have the basis for a long and satisfying friendship or relationship. In cases where you cannot help them, perhaps you can recommend a resource who can. “With people who have difficulty answering your future review question, help them by asking a series of smaller questions. Help them articulate the things that are important to them. Ask what they would like to do, where they would like to go, what they would like to have. Ask how they would prefer spending their time, what kind of people they want to be with, and so on. This can be a very creative and stimulating discussion.
…One of the greatest services you can perform for these people is to coach them to think through and talk about their desired outcomes. And, here again, if you can help make their future come true for them, you have just established the foundation for a great relationship.
What about the people who refuse to answer your future review question? Their unwillingness to answer likely means one of two things. First, their commitment may be to the past, not the future. They may not have thought about their future as something where they have any influence. Secondly, their unwillingness to share their desired future with you may indicate a lack of trust. In either case, you have no basis for a relationship. Some people don’t have the courage or desire to dream, or they don’t trust you enough to share their thoughts with you. Don’t waste your time. Move on to someone else…” (emphasis mine).
“No body is perfect,” goes the popular saying. The truth of that statement is particularly obvious in a committed marital union between a man and woman.
Except you want to deceive yourself, you will gladly own up to the fact that the person you married is not a spotless angel. But this is no time to begin pointing accusing fingers at your spouse as the one with the most imperfections, because as you know, you yourself are not without some blemishes.
In other words, you often fall below each other’s expectations. Despite these imperfections, both of you can still be at peace with each other and hopefully be happier too.
If that is part of your marital goal, then you will allow me to proffer a few suggestions that will be helpful to you in that respect:
Here are seven simple ways you can deal with the imperfections of your spouse:
1. Accept that your spouse is not perfect
Your spouse is not an angel, so don’t expect that he or she will not make mistakes sometimes. And when that happens, please do show some understanding.
Truth be told, neither you nor your spouse is perfect. Perhaps you should let this guide your expectations so that you suffer less frustrations when your spouse’s behaviour falls below your esteemed expectations.
2. Be patient with your spouse
If you have come to terms with the fact that your spouse is not perfect and you are committed to loving him or her despite that, I am going to add that you should be patient with him or her.
I will not promise you that your spouse will grow into a faultless angel someday. But I can at least opine that if he or she is committed to your marriage as you are, there will be remarkable positive change of behaviour over time when you exercise the due patience with.
3. Maintain your sanity
Your spouse will ‘lose it’ sometimes and when that happens be sure to keep your own sanity and be at your best behaviours. Things will go downhill in your marriage if both of you decide to vent and and get mad at each other at the same time.
A wise spouse once told the better-half, “If you spit fire, I will vomit water.” The point here is, you and your spouse should not be spitting fire at the same time.
4. Talk things over with your spouse
In as much as I want you to cut some slack for your spouse, there will be times when it is important you talk things over with him or her. But you have to be gentle and nice over it, else you might trigger a volcanic eruption in the process.
In talking things over with your spouse, be humble, loving and considerate. Resist the temptation of pointing accusing fingers at each other. Instead of looking for who is wrong, focus on what is wrong and deal with it.
If your spouse raises his or voice in the process, keep yours low. Apologise where necessary and accept responsibility as appropriate.
Engage in the conversation in such a away that it strengthens your marriage and not in a way that tears it apart.
5. Avoid the silent treatment
There are times silence may be golden, but at times too, it can be a time-bomb waiting to explode. I trust that you know the difference. While it is not okay to shout at your spouse, on the other hand, don’t use the silent treatment as a tool for affliction in marriage.
It is good to keep silent sometimes in order not to offend in words or as part of your anger management strategy. But if your spouse desires commmunication with you, do not give him or her the silent treatment to punish him or her for what they did to you.
6. Celebrate your spouse’s strength
Despite your spouse’s so-called imperfections, he or she must have some strengths as well. Identify those strengths and celebrate them.
I am totally convinced that your spouse is not a good-for-nothing fellow, otherwise you would not have married him or her. So I am telling you for free that you can manage your spouse’s imperfections better by focusing on his or her strengths and celebrating them.
Compliment your spouse’s good behaviours and be less critical of the bad ones. It is not easy to do, but it is worth the try.
7. Pray regularly for your spouse
It is not enough for you to talk to your spouse. You should also talk to God about spouse – not in form of endless bitter complaints but in form of regular loving prayers.
Trying to force a change in behaviour on your spouse may be counter-productive. But when you pray, you invite God to handle the situation in the best possible way.
Don’t say you don’t know what to pray about concerning your spouse. Are there things you like about your spouse? I believe the answer is yes. Begin your prayers by thanking God for those things.
Also, the things that annoy you about him or her should be part of the things you should pray about. Your dreams for her, the things she cares about, her personal goals are some of the things you can pray for your wife about.
You have read my views. Let’s hear yours in the comment section.
I have since realised that there were unique experiences we had as kids who grew up in the villages that our counterparts in a city such as Lagos may not relate to. A little of that sentiment of mine was tickled this morning when my seven year old son asked me a simple question:
“Daddy, why do some people put out buckets, bowls and other
containers when it rains?”
“To collect some rain water for use,” I replied rather too flippantly, without even looking at the direction where the question came from. But then, almost immediately the salient reality of that question began to dawn on me.
The answer I gave should have been pretty obvious to him you might think. But please give the boy a break; even if for no other reason but because collecting rain water for household use has never been part of his experience in his few years of life on earth.
With portable water now being pumped to the kitchen, bathroom and wherever else water is needed in the house, how would he appreciate the fact that many people around my country still depend on rain water for survival?
“For what kind of use, daddy?” he sought to clarify.
“My dear, it’s for domestic use.” This time I had to look at him in the face, with my hands on each of his shoulders, leaning forward in the process.
When I was at his age (more than three decades ago), I didn’t have to wonder why people harvested rain water. The experience was too common-place for me not to have known the purpose.
But his question afforded me a genuine coachable moment to point out the fact that many homes still cannot do without relying on rain water for some of – if not for all – their domestic uses. I guess that’s still part of the reality of living in a developing nation.
I went on to explain to him how we used to depend on rain water as the main source of water supply way back in the village where I was born. Just like everyone else in that small community, my mum and my older siblings would put out different sizes of containers to collect rain water whenever it poured.
Even the roof of the houses there were embedded with water conveyance systems. That way, the abundant rain water that hits atop the covering corrugated iron sheets were channeled through well-constructed gutters linked with vertical trunk pipes that emptied directly into underground concrete tanks or into big volume surface water reservoirs.
The water so-collected would then be fetched out and put to
daily use (washing, bathing, cooking, cleaning and yes, drinking) all-year
round. The process was reliable and sustainable too. And because of the
beautiful natural vegetation surrounding the environment we lived in, coupled
with the absence of fossil fuel using factories, the problem of acid rain was
You see, people like my son who were born in an urban city would never fully understand that kind of experience which we considered common-place while growing up. And I completely understand!
Perhaps a little walk back memory lane will underscore my point. I was born in a village in the present day Delta State, Nigeria. I grew up there till my teen years before I finally relocated to the city of Lagos.
That little village was blessed with a few amenities that
made it standout amidst other ones around it. It had a well-tarred Trunk B road
that ran through it from one end to another connecting it directly to the State
Capital at the far end, separated only by a few other villages and towns.
At that time telephone service was a huge luxury way beyond the reach of 99.9999% of the population. Even at that, the village was already linked to the national telephone backbone. And apart from the availability of analogue phone service powered by the now defunct NITEL (Nigeria Telecommunications), the village also had electricity supply from the national grid.
However, water supply was the biggest problem we had to grapple with in that village. No streams, no boreholes and no portable water supply from anywhere. Only rain water, which was abundant doing the wet season and scanty in the dry season, was available.
Thanks to a failed pipe-borne water project sponsored by the then
military state government, the various households in the village never had the
privilege of regular supply of treated water pumped to them. Looking back now,
I would say that was my first experience of a failed government project being
commissioned as successfully completed.
Whether it was the contractor’s gross incompetence or the systemic corruption in high places that robbed the community of a properly executed portable water facility, my young mind could not have comprehended it then. But now the picture is clearer.
That was how the pictured looked like some three decades ago. Unfortunately, that’s the same story (or even worse) that could be told of many vital but abandoned (water) projects across many states of the Federation today.
Could the experience have been better for the masses, especially with respect to water supply? You tell me what you think!
As a parent, how much do you even realise that you are your children’s number one life coach? When it comes to coaching your kids, do not underestimate your role as a parent, and please do not be lazy playing that role in your children’s lives.
You may assume that your kids will know some things on their own, but then you get to find out they don’t.
You may also assume that they should be taught everything in school, but at last you get to discover they weren’t. That means there is a learning gap between what they are supposed to know and what they actually do know.
In what little ways can you bridge that gap with your kids in a way that engenders good rapport between you and them?
Of course, there might be many ways to that end. But in this post, I will suggest capturing the coachable moments with them.
Coachable or teachable moments’ refer to those unplanned or informal opportunities for you as a parent to have conversations with your kids or wards with the aim of helping them to solve problems or learn a good lesson they could use in life.
It is about impacting valuable lessons to your kids while life is at play.
Here are 3 ways you capture the coachable moments with your kids
1. Don’t be an absentee parent
One good advice I can give you as a parent is this: be there for your kids.
And I know being there for your kids can take many forms. For instance, it can be about providing for them or paying their school fees. Any average parent would score high on those.
But how about being physically available for them as their life coach?
Certainly life will throw up coachable moments, but if you are not there for them, how can you take up that little responsibility?
2. Look out for coachable moments
When you are there for your kids, you will often find some coachable moments to explore.
They abound in your everyday relationship or activities with them.
Train your eyes (and your other senses) to recognise coachable moments with your kids and you will surely find some.
Whether you are at the dining table with them, or watching television together or you are driving them to school, always look out for coachable moments.
If you are not looking for, you may pass the opportunities when they present themselves.
3. Utilise the coachable moments
When life hands you a coachable moment with your kids, please don’t flunk it.
The coachable moment may come in two ways: an opportunity for you to reinforce an observed positive behaviour or correct a bad behaviour.
In either case, utilising the coachable moments enables you as a parent to mould your kids or wards into better version of themselves.
As a parent, if you are there for your kids or wards, life will definitely hand you some coachable moments.
Look out for such moments in your every day activities with your kids. And when you do find them, take advantage of those moments and impart lessons that will help your kids or wards become better versions of themselves
Have you had any coachable moments with your kids? Please share your experience in the comment section.
The account of the ever popular story of the prodigal son in the Bible is one of the greatest stories of forgiveness ever written. Jesus told the story to demonstrate the unconditional love of God for us mankind.
No matter how much we think we have erred against God, He will always forgive and accept us if we come back home to Him. As Jesus Himself assured us, “…he that comes to me, I will in no wise cast out” (John 6:37).
As parents, can we learn and apply that principle in the way we treat our erring children? I will like to answer ‘yes’ to that question.
The prodigal son’s father forgave his betrayal, disloyalty, rebellion, foolishness, greed, recklessness, haughtiness, impatience and extravagance. There is no reason we should not extend same kind of forgiveness to our erring children – irrespective of the offences they have committed, or will ever commit against us.
We do not easily give up on those we love – whatever they do to us. And we love our children. So why shouldn’t we always forgive them when they err against us?
As humble parents, we will admit that our children constantly do things that annoy us. Blame it on the effect of hormones or peer pressure or whatever reasons that may be adduced, our children may not always be at their best behaviours towards us. That’s the reality of the life we live in as the earthly custodians of those precious souls.
A humble parent forgives his/her children all their wrongs because he/she too needs forgiveness from the Father above.
So when our children fall below our expectations (they will definitely do), should we continue to hold it against them? I think we should forgive them!
Should we ostracize them when their behaviours embarrass us? I think we shouldn’t!
First and foremost, we owe forgiveness to our children for whatever offences they have committed or will ever commit against us. Forgiveness is good for our overall mental and emotional well-being. Besides, God Himself does not expect any less from us.
Secondly, we should never cut-off from our children because they broke our hearts. Whether we like it or not, we are bound to them forever by our blood relationship. So as parent’s we cannot should not disown our children when they err.
Just like the loving father forgave the biblical prodigal son, we should always forgive our erring children. No matter how grave the offences might be, let us find it in our hearts to forgive them. It is part of our calling as parents.
How do you think parents should handle their erring children?
That was the question someone asked on an open online social network forum I belong to. The question was asked about four years ago, but it still feels so fresh like today’s stuff. That’s why I’m revisiting it here.
… Without a doubt, divorce was the worst season of my life. Nothing I’ve suffered since that time even comes close… absolutely nothing compares to the horrific pain of having a spouse decide, “I Don’t” after saying “I Do” – Laura Petherbridge.
In a previous post, we talked about the fact that God hates divorce. The natural question that would be precipitated by that statement will be:
Why does God hate divorce?
First and foremost, we all know that hate is a strong language, meaning “an intense dislike for.”
On the other hand, Divorce connotes “the legal dissolution of a marriage by a court or other competent body.”
There must be some good reasons God does not like divorce. And those reasons are what this post seeks to explore.
If you ask me, I would say God hates divorce chiefly because He loves us and wants the best for us. He doesn’t want us to go through the pains, regrets and difficulties divorce action might occasion.
God loves us enough to inform us that He hates for us to subject our spouses to divorce. We all know that if you truly love someone, you wouldn’t want something bad to happen to him or her. Don’t you think God feels that much sympathetic towards us?
I guess you too have your reasons you think God says He hates divorce. (And I would like it if you would drop your views in the comment section of this post). For now let’s focus on what we can glean from the foundation scripture for this post and the previous one.
Malachi 2:15-16 – Let’s read it together:
15 Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his.[b] And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth.16 “For I hate divorce!”[c] says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,[d]” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife” (NLT).
Based on this passage, let’s now explore further reasons God hates divorce:
1. God instituted marriage.
“Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife?” asked Prophet Malachi.
God has made you one with the person you are married to. So why do you seek to be separated from him or her forever?
God instituted marriage for our enjoyment and His will for us is to have it as a life-long union. That’s why we say, “till death do us part” at the point of entering the marriage contract.
It is safe to say that divorce undermines the sanctity of this holy institution of marriage established by God. Therefore God hates divorce.
2. God has a purpose for instituting marriage.
God did not only institute marriage, He had a purpose for doing so. The prophet here tells us that God seeks godly children (one translation uses the word “offsprings”) from our marriages.
“… And what does he want? Godly children from your union… Remain loyal to the wife of your youth.”
In order words, God expects our marital unions to bear godly seeds, godly fruits or godly results. You will agree with me that divorce will not qualify as a godly fruit.
Secondly, God also wants married couples to demonstrate loyalty to each other through thick and thin. And divorce flatly defeats that purpose.
3. Divorce has consequences
“To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,[d]” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies.
Wow, did you see that point in that verse you just read? Divorce is cruelty to your spouse. Another translation describes it as treachery.
Many people may disagree with that, but I know God’s word cannot be wrong. God would rather not have you go through the pains associated with divorce.
Whatever you think, divorce will cost you – be it emotionally, financially or otherwise. Apart from the couple involved, other associated parties (including your children and other loved ones) also suffer when marriage fails and results in divorce. Divorce will cause you pains, anguish, depression and the like.
As Laura Petherbridge observed from her own experience, “…divorce was the worst season of my life. Nothing I’ve suffered since that time even comes close… absolutely nothing compares to the horrific pain of having a spouse decide, “I Don’t” after saying “I Do.””
In response to that apt observation, I am writing this post to highlight some of the expectations from the husband as well. While the former post was for a predominantly women audience, this is directed mainly at men.
That not withstanding, if you are a (married) woman reading this, be sure to continue reading to the end. I assure you, you will not regret it.
Now here are:
8 Things Every Christian Man Should Regularly Give His Wife
This is the first thing a Christian man should give his wife. It is commanded of him by the Lord.
The wife expects her husband to love her wholeheartedly and unconditionally. Your wife is not perfect, but you should love her still!
A husband should ensure that the wife’s (emotional, physical, financial, spiritual) needs are provided for.
Not providing for the woman will leave her feeling stressed, frustrated and insecure.
The husband should provide protection to the wife against the harmful effects of the elements, hurtful people and other harmful things;
The husband should provide security to the wife so she has “freedom from, or resilience against, potential harm (or other unwanted coercive change) from external forces.”
The christian husband should provide all kinds of leadership, including spiritual leadership, to the wife.
The wife may be disillusioned if the husband fails to show or lead the way.
Commitment in marriage is a journey not a destination. The husband should daily demonstrate his commitment to his wife.
The wife expects her husband to be committed to her and only her. The commitment is not for a short while, she (rightly) expects it to be forever.
The Christian man should not share his affection with any other woman; he should continue to demonstrate continuing loyalty and support to his wife only.
The man should emotionally and intimately commit to being faithful to his wife. He should not seek sexual gratification from anyone other than his wife.
The wife is called the help-meet for the husband. But that doesn’t mean the husband cannot be a helper to the wife too.
A wife expects her husband to help out (especially with the chores) around the house.
The husband should seek to understand and share the feelings of his wife.
He should give a listening ear to his wife, be patient with her and forgive her a million times in a day.
Remember what the Bible says:
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” Ephesians 5:25-27 NIV.
Thank you for reading my thoughts. Feel free to tell me what you think in the comment section.
I was recently invited to be part of the discussants in a church’s women’s end-of-year conference. But I sent them my apologies because I had another engagement billed for the date and time they chose.
However, the organisers requested that (since I could not be physically present at the event) I sent in my contribution in writing on Things Every Christian Woman Should Give Her Husband. I obliged their request by sending them a written short note as I thought it out.
The feedback I got after the programme was that my note was a blessing to them in that meeting. So in this post, I have decided to share with you the same thoughts I shared with those church women in their conference. I hope you find something useful in it.
Like I said, I drafted the write-up for a predominantly women audience, but that does not mean that you should not read it if you are a man. So let’s go there…
7 Things Every Christian Woman Should Regularly Give Her Husband
A husband expects his wife to respect him in two ways:
By words – what she say to him and about about.
By action – how she treats him at home or outside the home.
A Christian wife should understand that intimacy and sex is very important to the husband, as this is a need only she can meet;
A wife should not deny the husband his right over her body.
A wife should provide good food, timely and regularly for the husband/family;
A wife who doesn’t know how to cook good food should go and learn.
A husband expects the wife to appreciate him for providing for the family.
A woman should have an attitude of gratitude, not grumbling, not complaining.
A wife should show trust and confidence in the ability of the man to lead the home;
A wife should support her husband’s vision or project. She should not use her mouth to tear it down.
The man will never feel peaceful at home if the wife is always nagging.
If a wife fails to create a peaceful home, the husband will not feel happy returning home.
A husband expects his wife to take good care of herself.
She should maintain good personal and family hygiene.
Remember what the Bible says:
The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. Prov. 14:1.
Thank you for reading my thoughts. Feel free to tell me what you think in the comment section.
The Sun was already going down for the day. And there I was seated by the window side on our staff bus being driven home after work.
The vehicle was filled with other staffers who like me had equally earned a living for the day. We were all eager to get back home to our families and to have a well-deserved night rest.
But the ever busy Lagos traffic was hampering our speed; we were moving at snail’s speed. We are used to that kind of experience!
At the moment, I was gazing blankly at the evening sky through the window screen of the vehicle. And suddenly, I perceived in my spirit something I now consider a personal revelation from Above: Your is your reward.
Really? I should have known that a long time ago!
“Your wife is your reward,” I reechoed under my breath.
But how come those words have never formed part of my regular vocabulary? After all, I have always called my wife a “Gift From Above.” And I believe that with all my heart.
Something was happening here: the eyes of my understanding were further being enlightened, with a clear message out from the blues or better put, from the Spirit of God.
Your wife is your reward! It struck me so much that I knew there must be more to those words than I had previously known. So immediately, the researcher in me was called to work; I pulled my smart phone and did a quick Google search of “Your wife is your reward.”
Instead of a preponderance of web articles being thrown up, a Bible reference was atop the search result. And I wasted no moment in opening it to examine.
I was pleasantly surprised to find that these same words, “Your wife is your reward,” are in the Bible (Ecclesiastes 9:9). I took that as a confirmation that it was God that spoke those words directly to my heart moments earlier.
Since then I have read the verse over again from different versions of the Bible. The translation in the New Living Bible helped me understand it better:
Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you under the sun. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly. Ecclesiastes 9:9, NLT.
By ordinary meaning, we know that a reward is “a thing given in recognition of service, effort, or achievement.”
And there in the Bible verse we just read, we have it that your wife is your reward for your earthly toil.
I wouldn’t know what you think of that. But As God is the One who said “Your wife is your reward,” we can be sure that He cannot be mistaken about it.
Quite recently, I ordered a copy of The House Girl, alongside two other titles by the same author. It was a privilege to have the mentioned books autographed and delivered to my door-step by the author herself.
During my meeting with the author, I had promised her that I would read the books and give her a review. (In case you missed it, you may read From a Blog friend to a true life friend, being the post I used to share my face to face meeting with the author on that fateful day).
What follows in this post will be my review of the first of the three books I purchased from her stable which I have read completely so far. Subsequent reviews will follow once I have finished reading the other titles.
Ufuomaee, the brilliant author of The House Girl, is “a young professional, a social entrepreneur and the Founder/CEO of Fair Life Africa Foundation, a charity that supports under-privileged children” in Nigeria. She is the author of Ufuoma series blog where she shares about her faith in God, and also writes “Christian romantic fiction, with lots of drama and scandal, that challenges all to think about their lifestyle and choices.”
Her blog is worthy of your visit or follow if you are interested in reading very insightful posts on faith, life and living.
About The House Girl.
The book is about a village girl who was taken to Abuja city to work as a domestic staff for a rich interracial married couple who have also promised to send her to school. While in the employ of the family, the girl discharged her house-duties as expected. But much time passed and she wasn’t registered in any school as promised to her parents.
That made the girl to feel very unhappy and this caught the attention of the man of the house. As a result, both of them began to have short but secret conversations that made them more familiar with each other. Soon enough they each began to have unholy ideas…
With their hearts burning for each other already, “all that restrained them from doing what they both desired to do was self-will and self-control. And that thing called conscience.” But they could only hold out for a little while, as it did not take long before the spirit of lust took the better part of the duo, leading to numerous consensual sexual encounters between them.
Unsurprisingly, the madam of the house soon began to suspect that there was something clandestine going on between her maid and and her husband. It was only a matter of time before her worst suspicions were validated and the aftermath shook her marriage to it’s deepest foundations.
Thankfully, in the end, the marriage narrowly survived from the brink of complete collapse. But not until after all the parties involved in the unfolding drama had been to hell and back.
In more ways than one, I found the book easy to read and the characters largely credible. Anyone who reads the book objectively will admit that that the personalities represented by each of the characters are ‘things’ that are not so far-fetched in whatever society we may find ourselves.
The main characters
Each of the characters, just like any mortal alive, has his or her strengths and weaknesses. And it is how they are managed that determines the results or consequences.
For the protagonist, Chinyere, as vulnerable as she was, she could be considered a victim of her own circumstances. At the same time, it may not be wrong for one to say that she was all too willing to engage in unwholesome canal encounter with the man of the house.
For a teenage girl whom it was implied was without a previous experience in that area, she could have exercised a bit of constraints – may be out of fear or respect, but she didn’t. So instead of one saying that Chinyere was taken advantage of by Donald, the man of the house, one can safely say that she was a willing participant in igniting the fire that almost completely engulfed her life and existence.
Donald, although a seeming gentleman became overcame by lust and exercised no sustained power of restraint in cheating on his wife again and again… May be that’s one of the consequences of his never having to acknowledge that there is a God to whom we are all accountable to.
Besides, even though he claimed he didn’t plan on cheating on his wife with their house maid, he shamefully admitted to “not being strong enough to resist [the beautiful] temptation” under the same roof with him.
The emotional and mental trauma, bribery, blackmail and risk of imprisonment that followed Donald’s misadventure remind everyone that our actions have consequences. And infidelity, like the Bible points out, is like fire. You cannot put it in your bosom and expect not to be burnt (Proverbs 6:27).
As for Osinachi, the madam of the house, at a point she was more or less an absentee wife. Her frequent trips outside the home contributed in creating the vacuum that her husband exploited to begin cheating on her with the house maid.
She also made some avoidable choices that blew up in her face. For instance, in her desperate bid to become a mother after she could not carry a baby to full term, she went on a misguided journey of adopting a child without her husband’s consent, leading to a further alienation from him.
Even after the husband had accepted the new reality of becoming a dad by force (thanks to his wife’s desperation), the adoption was later reversed contrary to their expectation and they found themselves back to square one.
Couples should endeavour to agree on issues of strategic importance in the family. If either party goes solo on such issue, it may not augur well for them at the end.
My favourite character
If I were to choose a favourite character in the book, it would have to be Mrs. Oji, Osinachi’s mum. I like the way she put things in proper perspective for her daughter, when she was seriously heart-broken over her husband’s serial infidelity.
I consider her advice and pep-talk as one of the key things that empowered Osinachi to fight to save her marriage.
“If you don’t know God for yourself…,” said Mrs Oji to her heart-broken daughter, “If you are not walking in His will, how can you lead another to Him? You are in this situation first because of your own sin! When you address that and learn from God what His will is, then you can make corrections in your life. Whether or not your marriage survives is secondary! You just have to get right with God, Osinachi.”
It was this friendly hard-knock that jolted Osinachi to reality. At that moment, she came to realise that “She has been practicing religion all these years; she didn’t know God for herself. No wonder her life could not influence her husband’s.”
Mrs Oji might have been advising her daughter over her husband. But I feel many wives around the world who love their husbands and want to save their marriages could use her other advice too: “Don’t relent in praying for him. Don’t stop forgiving him. Don’t hold back love and respect for him.”
In The House Girl, the author did a good job in telling a relatable story in such a way that vivid life lessons can be drawn from it. Each character presents a different angle to the lessons of life that can be gleaned from the book.
I found that that the following themes were covered in the book: The vulnerability of the girl child (especially the one from a less privileged background) to sexual exploitation, making an interracial marriage work, issues around child-bearing, challenges with child adoption, teenage pregnancy, living with a mental health issue, secrecy in marriage, love and commitment, forgiveness, personal relationship with God, role of parents in-law in saving a troubled marriage, rape, infidelity, blackmail, bribery, to mention but a few.
I liked reading the book and I would not hesitate in recommending it to you as well. I think that irrespective of one’s age or experiences in life, anyone that reads that books will definitely find a lesson or two to draw from it for personal application.
In closing, I will leave you with the following quotes from the book:
“It takes strength to give grace to others.”
“We are only as strong as our minds, not even our bodies.”
“We have to make sure we are working in faith and obedience if we want God’s best.”
“In service to others and in simplicity, there is so much joy to be found in life.”
“Never close the book on anyone, nor underestimate what you or anyone can be[come] tomorrow.”
“Never miss an opportunity to make impact in some one else’s life. Even if they never pay it back, they will pay it forward through the contribution they will make in the world.”
“Do not be afraid to challenge the system you enter. Do not be afraid to be the difference. All life is growth and change and you are the change the world is waiting for.”
The House Girl is available for purchase on Amazon.
Welcome to our Parentinggist parent of the month. Let’s meet our guest.
My name is Victor Uyanwanne, husband to Jennifer, father of two energetic boys and an aspiring writer.
Great, can you throw more light on your writing.
For the past three years, I have been publishing posts bothering on life and living, family issues, blogging tips, poetry and many other things that tickle my fancy. My purpose is to inspire people and equip them with the right knowledge that will help them live happier.
Being a follower of Jesus Christ, the thoughts on my blogs are presented from a Christian worldview. If you want to read my writings first hand, they can be accessed via Victors’ Corner
Awesome blog, you’ve got, how do you combine your regular job, writing and family?
Thanks for the compliment. I will say, I am combining effectively well. I take my job seriously and I put in my best all the time.
Reading and writing are my top hobbies so I have fun doing both, especially at night after work and on weekends. Except because of Lagos traffic bottlenecks, anyone here should have plenty of time after work (from the close of work at 5pm daily to whenever he or she goes to bed) to do some personal things. That’s how I find time to hone my writing skills.
As for the family, I will give all the credit to my beautiful wife for holding forth strongly at the home front. She is really a gift from heaven to me; a helpmeet indeed.
Having said that, I will add that as much as possible I try to spend much time with my family whenever I’m not at work. And I usually cut out unnecessary outings. I don’t know about you, for me, family time is fun time and best time. I have two very inquisitive boys. Answering their numerous questions and bonding with them through mutual interactions have been one of my greatest pleasures as a dad.
We would like you to share some of the numerous questions from your boys, I’m sure we would benefit from them too or laugh it out.
I have had my boys asking me scores of questions. And many of those questions I answered correctly without much ado. Yet there were ones I had to think twice before answering.
For instance, one of them once asked me, “Daddy, why do we have ten fingers?” How does one answer that? Please help me out (smiles).
When they asked, “Daddy, what is the baby of a horse called?” I am ashamed to say that I had to quickly check “Google” on my smartphone before I could tell them it’s called “a foal.”
Of all the questions my boys have ever asked me, the one that impressed me most was when the older boy (then 4years plus) asked me how he could be able to make it to Heaven at the end of this life. I must say it was my privilege to lead him to Christ that Christmas morning.
Oh this is wonderful, I must say, so what advice do you have for parents who are reading this; how can we lead our kids to make Heaven?
Parents should share the simple truths of the gospel with their children and allow them to make up their mind about receiving Jesus Christ into their lives. It is not something that can be forced.
In addition, parents should always pray for their children, that they receive the Lord and follow His way. In my boy’s case, I had prayed for him even before he turned 2 years old that he would get to be born again before the age of eight. Fortunately for me, it happened much earlier than expected.
One other thing I will add is that parents should by their conducts show good examples to their children. Children are good observers and they learn alot from their parents. If we want our children to be candidates of heaven, we should not live our lives as candidates of hell.
Thank you so much for honouring our invitation.
You are welcome. The pleasure is mine.
P.S: The interview was originally published on ParentingGist blog.
Being a good boy (or girl) involves obeying rules, treating other people with respect, not being lazy, helping out around the house, maintaining healthy habits, being studious, volunteering, not doing drugs, and so on and so forth.
Cast your mind back to when you were growing up. Your parents would always say to you to be a good boy (or girl) whenever they were concerned about your behaviours.
And in most cases you cooperated with them, even though there were times you fell short of their expectations.
You know how proud you made them feel whenever you made the right choices! They felt honoured!
Some of the ways your attitude towards your parents can be influenced if you are truly grateful for them:
1. You will have time for them
Never say, “I don’t have time for my parents.” Create the time for them…
Your parents spent their life, health and wealth caring for you. Now that you are independent, don’t abandon them.
No matter how busy you might have become in your life, make out time for your parents. Call them regularly. Visit with them, with your spouse and grandchildren.
As you know, grandparents always adore their grandchildren. So give them that pleasure before they leave this earth.
2. You will give them gifts.
When was the last time you ever gave any gifts to your parents? They don’t have to be in need before you can buy anything of value for them.
Within your capacity, you can present beautiful gifts to your parents – no matter how little. That’s one way you can show them you love and appreciate them.
Gifts have a way of communicating some lovely things from you to the recipient: “You mean alot to me”. “I appreciate you so much.” “You are always on my mind.” “I’ve not forgotten you.” “I celebrate you.”
If you are truly grateful for your parents, learn to give them gifts. You will experience a fresh dose of happiness by do doing so.
3. Provide for their needs
Aside giving gifts to your parents, be actively involved in meeting their pressing needs.
As your parents’ age, they might gradually become unable to meet their basic needs without help. Whatever they lack, you can provide it for them to the best of your ability.
Their daily supplies. Medical care etc, whatever their needs might be, you should find a way of being of assistance to them.
Even if they are very okay – not needing any help – still find a way to be part of their lives. You owe them that honour.
Remember what the Bible says, “”Honor your father and mother”–which is the first commandment with a promise”” (Ephesians 6:2).
Your parents are not perfect. They might have made choices in the past that affected you negatively. But that doesn’t mean you should hold it against them forever.
My simple advice is that you have to forgive whatever wrong your parents might have done against you in the past,. Apart from improving the relationship between you and them, it is good for your health too.
One sure way to deprive yourself of happiness is to hold grudges against your parents – refusing to forgive them.
5. You will continue to “be a good boy”
Your parents would always say to you to be a good boy (or girl) whenever they were concerned about your behaviours. And in most cases you always cooperated with them.
Now that you are grown, do you think you should stop being a good boy (or girl)? I bet you don’t want to do that – for two reasons:
You don’t want to break your parents heart at old age.
You want to leave a good legacy for yourself.
I hope that with those few points of mine, I have been able to show you some simple ways you can show your parents that you love and appreciate them.
In what other ways do you think you can demonstrate that you are grateful to your parents for the role they played in your life? Leave a comment.
The responses I received to that question are what I present to you in this post, with the hope that you too will join in the conservation aimed at identifying the things you are most grateful for in your life.
Interestingly, I didn’t have this post in mind when I asked that question. But as I examined the feedback I received, I began to feel the need to use them as basis to write this post.
The following points are the feedback I received from 4 respondents as the things they are grateful for:
1. My salvation. My parents for being there in my formative years. And many other things;
2. For God’s elaborate salvation plan that included me.
3. My salvation, and other priceless gifts too numerous to mention!
4. The legacy bequeathed me by my dad and mom.
All the responses came from very mature people (all of them over 50 years of age each). I would take that to mean that they know what they were talking about.
From the responses of these friends on Facebook, I was able to see that there are majorly two things they are grateful for:
1. For the salvation they have;
2. For the roles their parents played in their lives.
If necessary, I will explore this two reasons in subsequent blog posts. But here, let us just continue the conversation by having you identify what you are grateful for in life.
Many of us bloggers sometimes make the mistake of thinking that we are writing only to people other than ourselves; that our posts help our readers more than they help us the writers.
But that may not always be the case. The posts we publish can be a blessing to us as much as it is to our readers. They can address our needs as much as they address the needs of other people.
Your blog posts should interest you. They should minister to you if you want them to minister to other people too.
That’s why I’m asking you: have you ever had your blog speaking to you personally?
In other words, have you ever learnt any lesson reading your own blog post?
That seems a fair question to ask, because if you are not learning anything from your own blog post, how are your readers supposed to learn from it?
I know from my own experience that most of the things I write on this blog often speak to me directly before they speak to my readers.
Apart from what I learn from other people’s posts, I learn from my own posts too!
The interesting part is that even months down the line, I could still find some of those posts addressing a particular need in my own life.
That was the experience I had recently. I am ashamed to say it now but I had a heated conversation with my wife.
“Over what” you may ask? Finances, aka money!
So that was it? Yea, yea…
Is money ever enough? Well, may be when we become billionaires. Smiles 😀
But seriously, we had some issues at hand: Our combined income for the month would barely be enough to accommodate ‘everything’ we wanted. No extras…
Futhermore, we couldn’t quite agree with the direction of our expenses for the following month. Our budget has to be a bit tightened due to some midyear obligations that needed to be settled.
But in a bid to have them resolved, our individual tempers flared up… Between each of us, we knew we raised our voices louder than normal.
You can hold me responsible for that. But I’m grateful to God we are both calmer now.
Just like many new couples would have experienced, this was not the first time finance and budgeting issues have come between us. And even though we always navigated our ways out of it, how come this kind of reality sometimes heat us hard in the face?
I mean, I love my wife and she loves me too. We both know it… We are eternally committed to each other. But how come we still disagree?
We are humans, imperfect humans. We are different in many ways.
We are still learning…Don’t you know that already?
Okay. That’s right!
Married couples do face challenges. Is there anyone here who doesn’t know that by now?
Well, there are bound to be issues in any relationship – be it marriage or not. But it is how we handle those issues that matters.
A problem is a problem and your spouse is your spouse. Please don’t mistake one for another.
I had advised my readers in that post:
“Next time you have any marital issue, be sure to remind yourself that your spouse is not the problem. Identify what the issue is and focus on tackling it. That way you will achieve a healthier method of resolution than blaming your spouse.”
In this case, I knew exactly what the problem was. And it was not my wife!
During marital problems, identify what the issue is and focus on tackling it. Don’t trade blames [with your spouse. It will backfire].
It finally felt like I was talking to my point of need as well. And I was…
As I said before, ministry to self before ministry to others! I get it: my blog post has spoken to me personally once again!
Here is an excerpt from the post that came back hunting me:
Just like every married couple might have come to realise, I am sure you already know that marriage is not a bed full of roses only. It is full of plenty challenges as well.
Isn’t that pretty obvious?
More often than not, it is how you handle these challenges that will go to a large extent to determine the success and happiness or otherwise of your marital experience.
The common saying that as you make your bed, so you will lie on it holds true in marriage relationships too.
Except you are married to the devil personified, I am free to say that your spouse is not the problem. So resist the temptation to see him or her as one.
Put in proper perspective, you will realise that the challenges you have in marriage are things or issues, not a person – and definitely not your spouse!
For instance, the problem could be the manner your spouse is handling an issue at hand, or it may also be the manner you are reacting to it. Either way, you must [realise] that the problem is not a person.
A vital key to amicably resolving the challenges is to learn to focus on tackling the issue at hand rather than putting the blame on a person – your partner. You may have been hurt by what your spouse said or did at some point, but the problem is still not your spouse.
“I love you but I hate how you treat me sometimes,” a thoughtful wife once said to her husband.
You’ve got the point? Identify what the issue is and deal with it [accordingly].
A problem is a problem and your spouse is your spouse. Please don’t mistake one for another.
Which of your blog post has ever spoken to you personally? You can paste the link in the comment section. I promise to check it out and leave you a feedback.
In an epoch-making ceremony, Prince Harry took his beautiful bride, Meghan Markle, to the altar to be his lawfully wedded wife.
The whole world stood at attention as the graceful royal event took place at St. George’s Chapel, Windsor Castle in London.
In many ways, the marriage between the two lovebirds has been described as a break from the norm; a royal wedding with a difference.
In this post I will talk about 4 interesting things about the couple.
4 Interesting Things About The Royal Wedding Between Prince Harry And Meghan Markle
1. The couple loves each other very much.
The union between Price Harry and Meghan Markle is not a loveless union in any way as some royal marriages in the past might have been.
This one is a special marriage between two special people that specially love each other against all odds.
The love of the couple shone through every inch of the wedding ceremony. Meghan was particularly full of smiles as she pledged her marriage love and commitment to Prince Harry.
The sparks of love in her eyes were indescribable. And Prince Harry was like, “You look amazing. And I am so lucky to have you.”
I am sure the elegant Megan felt the same way too; they were visibly happy throughout the ceremony.
This couple followed their hearts, without minding what the world around them would think. They fell in love and stayed in love, standing before the Lord to be joined man and wife in holy matrimony.
From the year of our Lord 2016 when they reportedly first met each other, to this year 2018 when they walked down the isle, their love for each other stood strong, overcame many negative criticisms that arose against the royal union along the line.
2. The couple met through a blind date.
It was reported in the media that Prince Harry met Megan Markle through a blind date orchestrated by a mutual friend of theirs.
Yes! Their first time meeting with each other was through a blind date.
Meghan confirmed it when she confessed in a BBC interview that the blind date… (Wait for it)… “was a set-up.”
Now we can all see the result; that “set-up’ was definitely a blind date with a difference; It worked out gradually but surely, leading to a grand royal union.
Before now, one would have thought that this kind of blind date only happens in movies. But here we are celebrating the strong love that developed from a blind date to friendship and then to marriage into royalty.
With this development, it looks like the next (even the present) generation of young people now have a veritable example of a blind date that worked for them to imitate.
But they should remember that they are not Prince Harry and Meghan Markle.
3. Welcome the Biracial royal bride
As far as I know, never in the history of the British monarchy has there been a biracial bride amongst the wives of the men of their royalties. But with Meghan Markle coming into the fold, as wife of Prince Harry, a great history has been made.
In the words of Katie O’Malley, “…a mixed race woman has married into one of the whitest institutions in the UK…”
This is reality my friend!
It means that Prince Harry and Meghan have chatted a new course for mankind in matters of race relations on earth – in an unprecedented way.
As one media analyst pointed out, “Ten years ago, this would have been impossible.”
Yes, a decade ago, a marriage between a British royalty and a biracial woman wouldn’t have been possible. But it is now… And that’s progress for us humans!
When the first man landed on the Moon, it was dubbed, “one small step for a man but one giant leap for mankind.”
In the same vein, Prince Harry’s marriage to a biracial Meghan could be seen as a giant leap forward for mankind in the history of interracial relationships, not only in Britain but in many places around the world.
Meghan has now moved from being an American actress to Britain to being a royal bride with a difference.
And the good part is that many people love and adore her, calling her and Harry, “a perfect couple.”
Everyone that matters, especially Harry’s dad, Prince Charles and his grand mum, her royal majesty, Queen of England, Queen Elizabeth II, understandably approved of the union.
This is not to say that the couple didn’t initially face some persecutions from some sections of the public because of Megan’s racial background.
They did, but they overcame. Thanks to Prince Harry who stood firmly behind his gorgeous lady.
4. The Divorcee Question
When in 2017 Prince Harry and Meghan Markle announced their engagement, some questions arose about her previous relationships.
As it turned out, Meghan had been married before but the marriage did not work out between her and her then spouse. We now know the name of her ex husband as Trevor Engelson, a Hollywood television and film producer.
As at the time she met Prince Harry, Meghan was already officially divorced. But the ‘divorcee’ tag on Meghan did not dissuade Harry from marrying her.
In any case, Meghan’s failed marriage to Engelson is now in the past where it belongs. A new marriage chapter has now been opened between Prince Harry and her, not only as husband and wife but also as the Duke and Duchess of Sussex.
What is your take on the royal wedding between Prince Harry and Meghan Markle?
There is an error that is gradually becoming endemic in our days.
I have seen young energetic men become lazy, laid-back, lethargic and beggarly all in the guise of pursuing God or working for God (Ministry).
Those that are married lean on their wives’ income as sole income and not complementary income to support what they bring.
The ones that are not married seek ladies with steady flow of income to hook up to thereby abusing God’s order.
Some others want their wives to stop working and take care of their children without showing them practically how they intend to provide for their homes.
This laziness has led many preachers to sell their soul by engaging in many unspeakable things to make endsmeet. They are deluded by a voice supposedly from God telling them not to work.
My concern is simple; if God tells you not to work, be sure God’s provision will always be ahead of your needs.
Paul in his missionary journey worked with his hands when there was no provision. And where there was provision, he devoted the entire time in preaching the word of God.
My heart reaches out to women that are saddled with so much burden to ensure their family have the basic needs (food, shelter, clothing and basic-education).
With all these burden, many ‘MOGs’ [Men Of God] expect their wives to perform their nuptial duties at night as and when due. Failure to do so due to fatigue has been used as an excuse for extra-marital affairs.
Let us grow up and revert to the divine order where husbands provide for their homes and wives support.
Full-time ministry is to do the work of God fully with your heart, might and strength and that is also the first commandment. This is God’s minimum requirement for all Believers.
It doesn’t hinder any Man of God from working with their hands pending when their congregation is financially solvent enough to accommodate their financial burdens.
Get this fact straight, dust your certificate, get a skill and start working.
Your heart is with God even at work. Become productive, unburden your wives and lean solely on God.
You love your wife and you know it.
And she knows too that you love her.
Your love languages are truly in sync.
All is going well and good for you both.
No slacking, keep the flag flying.
That is how it is supposed to be.
You love your wife and you know it.
But your wife doesn’t think you love her.
In many ways you try to prove that you love her.
But she never really gets to understand you much.
You are speaking a love language different from hers.
It is time you began to learn her own love language.
You don’t love your wife and you know it.
But somehow she thinks that you do love her.
All because you have been acting like you love her.
Is it not time you stopped deceiving her?
And begin to make your love acts true to the heart?
Loving is a choice you have to make in her favour.
You don’t love your wife and you know it.
She too knows that you don’t love her.
But somehow, you are both managing each other…
You are the one failing in your responsibility here,
Because you were the one told, “Husband love your wife.”
Now is the time to make the choice to love her.
“We learn every day,” so says that popular saying.
I know that is true in many aspects of our human endeavours. But being a relatively new parent, I have come to also realise that the statement is particularly true of parenting.
Parenting is a huge responsibility. But it is also full of opportunities to learn new things.
As parents we know that our children learn from us. But beyond that, any sincere parent would acknowledge that every now and then, he or she also learns from his or her children as well.
I have experienced it several times…
I have a three-year old and a five year old. Sometimes I set out to teach them some things and in the process I learn new things from them as well. Even I have enriched my vocabulary merely listening to them. And I believe I’m not alone here.
There have been times they asked me questions I didn’t have immediate answers for. But as I looked around for the most appropriate feedback to give to them, I got to learn new things in the process.
I also get to use my experience in guiding them. But I have since realised that experience is not enough; my experience is my experience, not theirs.
Just like many new parents, I would admit that I don’t know it all. So I am still learning… And it seems to me that every opportunity that gets created for me to teach my kids something is also an opportunity for me to learn something too – no matter how small.
Granted that when I am teaching them, I tend to do most of the talking most times. But it pays to listen to what they have to say as well. Listening is a key part of parenting. Every parent should develop the skill.
I would not say I have arrived in that respect. But I know I’m no longer where I used to be when the parenting journey got started.
Now I’m learning to be a little more open and more accommodating to their many ideas and perspectives. They don’t have their way most times (obviously, they shouldn’t). But I shouldn’t have my way all the time either.
They may not be aware yet that relating with them opens a new vista of knowledge for me. But I have come to realise that I am learning a lot from them.
So in only five years experience on the job, I am convinced that parenting is learning. That’s my perspective. What’s yours?
I just stumbled on this personal picture featured here and it brought back wonderful memories that precipitated this post.
I remember the day I snapped it exactly 3 years ago. It was at the church wedding of a very close friend.
The wedding took place at a location far away from my Lagos base. But I had to be there, irrespective of the distance.
The friend deserved the love and support I had to give, even more.
We are friends. We have been friends. We have come along way with each other and for each other as well.
There was a lot of significance to that wedding. The enduring love of the couple for instance: They loved each other against all odds. Believed in each other. Courted each other for several years. Planned being with each other for life…for better or worse.
But there were pockets of challenges here and there before the wedding – all through the courtship period – chief of which was that their families opposed the marriage.
However, in the end, the patience and the love of the couple paid off; they eventually got parental blessing for the wedding and the marriage was allowed to take place.
I was glad I was there to witness it all. I was glad that their love triumphed over all obstacles, giving all glory to God who made all things possible.
In more ways than one, I had a personal sense of fulfilment over that wedding. Mission accomplished for the couple; joy for all of us friends and family.
Even in times of doubts before the marriage, I stood with my friend and his love. Though a long tedious journey, it came to a beautiful climax: united in holy matrimony, against all odds.
I saw it coming. I prayed with them. It seemed impossible at first but it still took place in the end – happily.
Going for the Wedding
When I was setting out for that wedding event, I took two days off work to enable me arrive the location ahead of time. The traditional wedding was for a Friday afternoon while the white wedding was to take place the following Saturday.
I was well prepared for the wedding. I bought a brand new pair of suit for the occasion, along side the accompanying accessories.
I was happy… I was longing to see my friend walk the aisle with his bride. A big day, it would turn out be!
On a Thursday, the day to the Friday of the traditional wedding ceremony, I arrived at the inter state bus terminal not too far from my Lagos home to begin this important journey I had looked forward to for at least three months prior.
It was midday, so I had said to my self, “In the next 5-6 hours on the road, I should be with my friend ready to cheer him on as he bade goodbye to bachelorhood.”
You know that feeling you have when someone you love is celebrating! I felt it and I felt good about it…
My close friend from way back was getting married. I had to be there in flesh and blood, with all pleasure.
Some years ago when I got married, he was with me all the way. He flew in to Abuja into my waiting arms. And then together we flew further to Sokoto where he joined me to pick my beautiful bride.
I still remember how we felt when the plane touched down at the Sadiq Abubakar III International Airport.
“So Victor you are getting married?” he had asked me. You see what I mean when I say we have come along way?
“Yes” was my heartfelt response to him. “It is my turn now, it will be yours soon,” sounding very sure of the future.
As we stepped out from the air-plane then, we were both greeted by the dry very winds of the North West and the scorching Sun of the seat of the Caliphate, with temperatures measure reaching the 40″C mark.
I had never felt so much heat before my life. But it was all well and good: I got married in Church as planned without any hitches, whatsoever!
Now it’s this friend’s own wedding, and my mind was already made up about being there. “I have to be there by all means,” I had promised myself.
And the day finally came!
There were no direct flights to the local town venue of the wedding; no airport there in the first place. So the journey had to be done by road. And I was ready to take it on, joyfully and wholeheartedly!
There was the option for me to fly to the nearest airport located at the State Capital, some kilometres away from the place, and taxi inwards to the venue. But my budget was very tight, so that idea flew away from my head as quickly as it had come.
In the end, I had to travel by road. I didn’t even see it as a sacrifice even though I had to travel several rough miles to attend the marriage ceremony. Like I said earlier, I was still happy doing it.
Unfortunately, I didn’t get there until the Friday of the traditional marriage ceremony proper. In fact I arrived in the middle of the ceremony, with friends and family already seated, appropriately dressed in colourful attires.
The event was peaceful and successful. And on the following Saturday, my friend and his bride were joined in holy matrimony to begin their life together as man and wife. I thank God, I witnessed it all.
Rewind a day backwards
As you might have observed, I arrived a day later than I had planned to. The late show up was due to a setback in transportation the day before.
That Thursday when I got to the bus park, I bought my fare ticket and sat down on the public bus waiting for the journey to begin. The waiting turned from minutes to hours, and we were still there. Not enough passengers for the bus to depart the terminal.
At the end of the day, I couldn’t continue the journey same day, else I would have to get there at very late hours. And that’s not good enough, for security reasons.
I departed from the bus park for home, forfeiting my fares – as they insisted there would be no refunds.
But I had still had to make that journey. So I shifted it to the following Friday morning. This time, I switched Inter State bus terminal.
Thankfully I didn’t have to wait for too long. So the journey began and to the glory of God, I arrived safely for the wedding, stayed with my friend as he took his bride to the altar. And together we all savoured the joy of the couple that had the enduring love that conquered all odds.
If any one should ask if you love your spouse or not, I’m very sure your answer would be “yes.” Well, I would agree with you because I’m not in a good position to question that assertion.
However, saying that you love your spouse is much deeper that just saying so with your mouth. You should know that if you truly love your spouse, it will definitely show in what you do or don’t do towards him or her.
In this post, we will attempt to (re)examine whether or not you love your spouse in meaningful ways as much as you would claim. Our purpose is not to criticise you but rather to help you take an objective assessment of your position right now with a view to helping you love your spouse more in ways that truly matter – and most importantly, in ways that meet heavenly requirements.
Before we delve into unfolding the Biblical foundation for this post, I will like to refresh your memory a little with something I read in a book at the peak of my undergraduate days, several years ago; it is about the love languages.
Chapman’s 5 Love Languages
In the book, The 5 Languages of Love, Dr Gary Chapman, a marriage counselor with reported experience spanning over three decades, believes that “unhappiness in marriage often has a simple root-cause: we speak different love languages” from our spouse’s.
In other words, it is not enough to say that you are doing your best at loving your spouse. You must actively show that you love him or her in a way that he or she understands or appreciates. That is, in a way that is most meaningful to him or her.
One pertinent question therefore is, are you speaking your spouse’s primary love language? It is important you begin to do so if you have not started.
As identified by Dr Chapman, there are five love languages you should know:
1) Words of Affirmation
2) Quality Time
3) Receiving Gifts
4) Acts of Service, and
5) Physical Touch.
The idea behind the 5 love languages is that spouses appreciate or understand love in one or a combination of two of the 5 areas as stated on the list.
It is therefore your responsibility to find out which one of these languages your spouse understands more so you can relate more with him or her on that plane. If you don’t do that, your spouse may not understand the love you are communicating to him or her, no matter how hard you think you may be trying.
Love shows in attitude
Love is the operating word here. And again, I want to assume you love your spouse. Don’t you? If yes, then we can go on…
Having said that, let us push the bar a bit higher.
How can you ‘prove’ that you love your spouse?
When we talk about love, many people understand it in many different ways. But in the context of this post, the beautiful picture of love as painted in the book of First Corinthians shall be our standard measure.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
1 Corrinthians 13:4-8
From this passage, you can see that there are things love can do and there are ones it cannot do. Therefore, if you love your spouse, there are things you should do and there are things you should not do towards him or her.
It is these things you do or fail to do towards your spouse that prove whether or not you love your spouse. As earlier said, if you love your spouse, it will show in your attitude towards him or her.
The Bible passage quoted above is hugely about the operations of love in general, but we can be a bit more specific by applying it to spousal love. Let us therefore consider the specific components of the love-list and extend it to how you love your spouse:
Love is patient and kind. If you love your spouse, you should be patient with, and kind towards him or her.
Love does not envy or boast. If you love your spouse, you should not be discontented towards him or her, neither will you “talk with excessive pride and self-satisfaction about your achievements, possessions, or abilities.”
Love is not arrogant or rude. If you love your spouse, you should relate with him or her in humility and never take pleasure in being rude to him or her, either in your words or in your actions.
Love does not insist on its’ own way. If you love your spouse, it’s not every time you would insist on having your way with him or her. You should sometimes also allow them to have their ways too.
Love is not irritable or resentful. So you love your spouse?Then do not be easily annoyed with him or her; neither should you ever become bitter towards him or her – irrespective of how you are treated.
Love does not rejoice in wrong doing, but rejoices in truth. There may be some spouses that lie to their partners and take pleasure in cheating on them. But that should not be you, because you love your spouse.
Love bears all things, hopes all things, bears all and endures all things. If you love your spouse, then bear with his or her inadequacies, endure difficult times with each other, hope and believe for the best between you both.
Love never ends. So you love your spouse? Don’t give up on him or her!
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You are a committed Christian, a good disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ. You love the Lord with all your heart. To the best of your abilities, you want to please Him in everything and in anything you do.
You are married to a spouse who is equally committed to the Lord as you are. You both trust God for the best in all areas of your marital union.
Jesus Christ was single for life and satisfied with it, so was Paul the Apostle. But I know that not everyone would be single for life and be fully satisfied as well. Definitely not me!
I have also heard some other people say they are single and satisfied. But in most cases, it turns out that many of such people are only temporarily single because somehow, you will get to find out that they are only waiting for the right partner to come along.
I wouldn’t know if that applies to you or not. In any case, just follow me on this short journey…
You are presently single but you have plans to get married when you meet the right person and other conditions are right. I understand that feeling because I was once there.
That one is a temporary singlehood. However, that is not the kind of singlehood I am talking about here.
I am referring to you being single, staying single for life and without any desire for entering into a committed marriage. I would call that a permanent singlehood.
That is the situation I do not understand because I have not been there before. And I do not even want to be there because I firmly believe in the institution of marriage.
This is my sixth year being married. And with all modesty, I can gladly say that I have found more fulfillment in being married than in being single.
It is not to say that I did not have a fulfilling life as a single man. No, far from it! I had an incredibly joyful life during my singlehood.
In fact, I was so happy when I was yet an unmarried man that I once had cause to ask my myself, “Would I still be this happy when I get married?”
Notice that I did not say “…if…” but “…when..” I got married. The reason is that marriage has always been part of my plans in life. That is to say that I never had an agenda of ever living an unmarried life in my sojourn on earth.
Back to the question I asked myself when I was still a bachelor: would I be happy in marriage as I was in singlehood?
It would have been largely presumptuous for me to have that question answered in the affirmative before I got married. But now that I am married, I can categorically state that I have found my life happier and more fulfilling than when I was a single man.
Just as Apostle stated that “it is better to marry than to burn,” I could stretch that to say that it better to be married than to remain single for life.
This is just my experience I am sharing with you. I am by no means trying to generalise the issue because I am very much aware that your experience may be completely different from mine. Is that not so?
On the other hand, this is not a call for everyone to get married. Even the Bible recognises that marriage is a choice; no one should be forced into it.
I was not forced into marriage in any way. It was a journey I deliberately embarked upon by my own freewill. And I am loving it!
It would have been a huge disservice to myself had I chosen to be single for life. That’s not my calling at all, but marriage is. At the appropriate time, God led me into it, by giving me the right partner.
Of course, it is not that remaining single and being an unmarried person for life is a sin, neither is getting and staying married. But just that like every other major decision you have to make in life, there are always pros and cons to consider.
In as much I would like to recommend to you to get married (if you are not married yet) and stay married for life, it is up to you to decide for or against it. For one, I know that God’s will for most of His children is marriage. And I made my decision along that line a long time ago.
Being single has its own benefits and getting married has its own benefits too. But I prefer the later.
Now that I am married and have found fulfillment in marriage, it has become clearer to me that I could never have been single for life and be satisfied with it completely.
But like I said before, I am not suggesting that you could not choose to remain single or celibate for life and be satisfied at the same time. Good luck to you if that’s what you want.
As for me, I see marriage as a calling I had to embrace because I could never have been totally satisfied with a lifelong celibacy.