In our previous post, we established the fact that there is a writer in you. We also added that you should be intentional about doing things that will empower that writer in you.
There are things you can begin to do right now to begin empowering the writer in you. If you are interested in finding out what they are, today is your lucky day because that’s why I’m writing this post.
3 things you can do to start empowering the writer in you
1. Begin to read more books than you have ever done before
If your dream of becoming a writer means anything worthwhile to you, then you have to be a reader first. It is true that writers write, but it is also true that writers read a lot.
If you cannot bring yourself to the discipline of reading, you cannot subject yourself to the discipline of writing. Apart from the vast information you gain from reading, it also helps you learn the style of writing from other writers.
Read voraciously. Read wide. Don’t be intimidated by the block of texts you come across on the pages of books or on posts online.
Writing comes from reading, and reading is the finest teacher of how to write” –Annie Proulx
Read regularly every day. Don’t go to bed any day without having read something. Yes, it is that serious!
When I was studying accounting at the undergraduate level, my mantra was, “any day without studying accounting is no day.” (Thanks to a friend who gave me that idea). With that, I was able to motivate myself to study the course until I got the proper handle on it.
You may as well adopt that philosophy, so that no day will pass without you reading something. After all, you want to empower the writer in you.
2. Begin to train on the art of writing
One of the side benefits of reading is that you get to see firsthand how other writers present their works and to learn from them.
To begin empowering the writer in you, apart from committing yourself to continuous reading, another thing you should do is to get trained on the art of writing.
I am not suggesting that you should go back to school for a degree in communication arts. Well if you are still very young, that might not be a bad option. But I want to believe you are eager to birth your writing career so you don’t want to waste more time!
If that is so, you can go through the quicker route. Take condensed trainings on writing. Register and attend writing workshops – both terrestrial and online.
If learning via video is your thing, do so by any means. Thanks to Youtube, you can find numerous materials on writing to watch and learn from.
3. Start writing now
After all said and done, what is the next practical thing to start doing? You guessed right! Start writing!
If you read all the books there are to read and you attend all writing workshops possible, and you don’t get down to actually start writing, you haven’t helped yourself enough and you will still be very far from achieving your goal of becoming a writer.
Start putting pen to paper and begin to write or get your hands on your computer keyboard and start punching away. You know the computer is an obedient tool. It will record whatever you type in, and it’s not going to tell you to stop writing. So why the waste of time?
If you want to become a writer, you must start writing something. Write stories (real or imagined). One quick way to achieve that is to start blogging. So start a personal blog where you can practice writing for others to read.
Write poems, write anything that comes to your mind. Write about your experiences. Be creative, be imaginative. Just write.
Don’t wait until you have become a writer to start writing. It doesn’t work that way! You can’t put the cart before the horse and expect to go anywhere.
Your dream of becoming a writer is achievable! While you wait for that to come through, start doing what you can do now: start empowering the writer in you. Read more, learn more and write more. You will get there!
There is a writer in you. And the things you do will empower or disempower him or her.
Needless to say, if you truly want to become a writer, you should be doing things that empower the writer in you. And you should be intentional in doing so.
Many people want to become writers (which is good), but only a few will actualise that dream in their lifetime.
Presumably because good writing is not an easy task to accomplish. And because it’s not that easy, many people get discouraged along the way; they give up on their dream of becoming a writer. And that’s sad!
That should not be your own story. I mean, you should not give up on your writing dream.
Giving up a dream may lead to regrets.
For the sake of emphasis, let me say it again: the fact that writing is not a cup of tea should not discourage you from pursuing your writing goals. There is no worthwhile goal in life that is not difficult to achieve.
You of all people should know that to accomplish anything great in life, you have to work hard and work smart at it. Writing is not different from that.
I know you don’t mind doing something great that is worth writing about. But don’t you also want to write something that is worth reading? I bet you do because I know you can!
I am convinced there is a writer in you. And I want to encourage you to do all you can to reveal him or her to the world.
In other words, you can actualise your dream of becoming a writer. Start preparing your mindset now.
First you have to believe that it is achievable. Then focus on it. Pursue it.
Apply yourself to writing. Be committed to it. You will achieve it sooner than you think.
Whether you like it or not, let me say it again: there is a writer inside everyone of us. Don’t let him or her die.
Start doing things that empower that writer in you. Soonest, your dream of becoming a writer will become an awesome reality.
In the next post, I will show you three simple things you can begin to do right now to start empowering the writer in you.
What I started five years ago like a child’s play has now metamorphosed into something bigger and far significant than I had anticipated. And I’m loving the experience all together.
As at the time I published my first post, I had no idea that as many people as are reading my blog presently would be interested in whatever I had to share to the world. The only thing I was sure of was that I had something to share…
Secondly, I thought that I had found an outlet to not only share my thoughts with the world but also to hone by writing skills. And to a good extent, I am achieving those objectives already.
My sincere appreciation goes to everyone of my followers and the over forty thousand readers who have spent their valuable time reading my blog and also to all those who thought it wise to give a feedback in forms of likes for my posts and comments on the blog.
I thank you all immensely for always reading and commenting.
Having come this far, I don’t intend to give up now or anytime soon; I’m promising you that I’m not going to stop writing, neither will I quit on the blogging mission. And I would count on you to continue reading and sending in as much feedback as possible.
As we begin a new journey towards the next 300 posts, let’s do it together. And also, feel free to invite your friends and family along.
Give or take, there will be something for everyone who stops by on the blog. More than ever before, my blogging mission has been strengthened and enlarged for the benefits of you my readers.
It doesn’t matter if you agree with all my views or not, your perspective is very important to me. Just let me what you think in the comment section. As always, I promise to reply all your comments.
Saint Valentine’s Day is a day set aside to celebrate love. So they say, but I have observed that too much emphasis is usually placed on romantic love at the expense of love as a virtue.
I would like to ask you: how do you spell Valentine? In other words, what does Valentine’s Day mean to you?
Some people say it’s Lovers’ Day. So if you are not married or not in a romantic relationship, you shouldn’t celebrate it?
Well, your answer to that question depends on what you believe. As you know your beliefs affect the things you do and how you do them.
If you are a believer in Christ like me, you know the word of God should guide you – whatever do. For instance, if you are not married and you are open to observing the Valentine’s Day celebration, you should know that sex should not be on the table as part of the activities to mark the day.
Don’t you know the reason? Sex is permissible by God only within the confines of marriage. So if you are not married yet, you have no business with sex – whether it is Valentine’s Day or not.
As unpopular as that opinion may sound today, it is part of what is required of us as followers of Jesus Christ. You are in disobedience if you think otherwise.
I’m not suggesting you should or should not celebrate the Saint Valentine’s Day. The choice is entirely up to you. But if your desire is to please God with your life, you will agree with me that you will not celebrate with reckless abandon.
Until recently, I didn’t reckon with Saint Valentine’s Day celebration. The reason was that it was modelled around me in a way that went contrary to my ‘moral’ upbringing (forgive me if that sounds like pride).
While growing up, Valentine’s Day was about hooking up with a boy/girl friend, attending parties and even having sex. But none of those activities appealed to some of us young believers in Christ, so we thought Saint Valentine’s Day was not worth celebrating.
But then later in life, I met my wife and discovered that unlike me, she cared a little about Valentine’s Day; not in any odious way, but in a way of sharing thoughts of love with people that mattered to you, giving them gifts or being with them. So I keyed in a bit.
Since then every Valentine’s Day I get her a little gift to ‘show’ my thought of love towards her, without any elaborate celebrations. And that’s all there is for me.
I remember there was a year all I could get her was a strand of rose I bought off the shelf in a supermarket. The most important thing was that I showed her I cared (and I still do).
You may say I could do better than that. Yes, you are probably right, but please let’s leave that discussion for another day.
May be your experience is different from mine, that’s fine! That’s why I’m writing this post: to hear from you what Valentine’s Day means to you.
I will like to conclude this way: If they say Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate love, then we should not make it all about romance and sex. It should be about love in the truest sense of it: loving God with all your heart and loving your neighbour as yourselves.
Every February 14th, the Saint Valentine’s Day is celebrated in many places around the world. On that day, people want to be with those they love or with those that love them, expressing their love to one another either in words or in action or both as the case may be.
Irrespective of whatever form the Valentine’s day is celebrated, the bottom line is the individual quest to satisfy the need to love and be loved. Unfortunately, many of such quests for love end up in disappointments.
What if you found the Love that never fails? What if I told you there is a kind of love you can bank on every time and not just on Valentine’s Day?
What if I told you Jesus is the most special One you need to be with? What if I told you, you have everything to gain and nothing to lose if you made Jesus your Valentine?
Jesus is ready to be your Valentine for life if you would let Him. He is ready to be the most special person in your life.
Why should you make Jesus your Valentine? This post gives you three fundamental reasons.
Three Reasons You Should Make Jesus Your Valentine – Your Most Special One
1. Jesus loves you completely and unconditionally
You will never find a lover like Jesus, who loves you 100% and over. And He loves you irrespective of your estate in life, your racial background or your religious affiliation.
Jesus loves you without reservations, and without limits. His love for you is not tied to your performance – whatever you do, He loves you anyway.
His love is already freely given and it’s yours for the taking. So make Him your Valentine and accept His love into your heart. This will make a whole lot of difference in your life.
2. Jesus forgives your sins completely
Jesus loves you so much He gave His life to earn forgiveness for all your sins.
Every human being alive has the question of sin to grapple with. The Bible says, “All have sinned and come short of the glory of God.” But you see, you don’t have to remain a sinner for the rest of your life.
The simple advice I will give you is this: even though you were born a sinner, don’t die a sinner. The only way not to die a sinner is to consciously, willingly and wholeheartedly identify with Jesus as your Lord and personal Saviour.
Make Him your Valentine – your special One. Begin to love Him back because, as we noted earlier, He already loves unconditionally and completely.
3. Jesus protects your interest eternally
When you accept the unconditional love of God into your heart and also receives forgiveness for all your sins, you enter into a special relationship with God that extends beyond your lifetime. He will be with you while you are alive on earth and you will be with Him when you pass on to the other side of this life.
In other words, if you would identify with Jesus here on earth, He will protect your interest in this world and in the world to come. You may have heard some people say that this life is all there is; that there is no life after death.
That position is in correct because the Bible clearly shows that there is life after death. And that life after death can only be spent with God in Heaven or with Satan in hell.
You can make Jesus the most special in your life. He loves you more than anyone else. He paid the price for the forgiveness of your sins and He is the only One that guarantees your future eternally.
The choice is yours to make and your lifetime is your only chance to make it. So would you like to make Jesus your Valentine for life? Leave a comment.
This post ranked at no. 2 in 2018, but it climbed to the first position in 2019.
In that post, I shared my personal experience regarding how blogging has contributed to my personal development in several ways. I’m convinced that anyone who has blogged for at least a year could identify with some of the points highlighted in the post.
And if you are someone that has been dragging your feet on starting a blog, reading that post might motivate you to launch your blog without further delay.
This post was at the top of the ladder a year ago in 2018 before being displaced to the second place in the year under review. It compared the issue of racism in America with that of tribalism in Nigeria.
America has the biggest economy in the world and Nigeria holds the ace in Africa. Beyond that comparison, there is another parallel that can be drawn between the two giants.
While racism exists [in America and everywhere else] as a result of differences in colour of the skin, tribalism [in Nigeria and in other places] hinges on differences in birth-roots. The post recognised that both racism and tribalism are common societal evils that must be dealt a decisive blow in order for us to have a better world.
This post became a new entrant into the top 5 hall of fame during the just outgone year. You will find the tips in the post to be very helpful in your blogging experience, most especially if you are a new kid on the block of personal blogging.
You can learn from those ahead of you in the blogging world without having to repeat the inevitable mistakes they had to make while they were just starting off. For instance, I found that having a blog is like having a baby; you have to nurture it, feed it regularly and ensure that it remains healthy.
This 2018 third-position-ranked post remained popular in 2019 (although a little less than it was in the year before). I want to believe that no blogger hates having followers. And you don’t want to be the author of a blog that no-one wants to follow.
So if people are not following your blog, there must be some reasons they are not doing so and they are worth finding out. The post is my personal take on why I don’t follow some blogs.
From no. 4 position in 2018, this post moved a step down to no. 5 in 2019. But that does not undermine the importance of the central message of the post: we should find reasons to forgive offences because they will surely come.
Those who have not known how to forgive offences have not known how to be happy. You erode your capacity to be happy if you refuse to forgive those and anyone who offend you.
I hope you enjoyed going through the review of some of my most liked posts in 2019, like I did?
However, you would appreciate the fact that the purpose of the review is not to give myself a pat on the back or to blow my trumpet. Rather, I just want to highlight some of the most liked posts in order to expose them to more readership.
I must add that doing the review has done me a personal good. I could see that most of the these top posts under review were published in the year 2018 and none of my posts in 2019 made it to that hall of fame.
More so, from my little beginning in 2015, this blog has done progressively better each year till 2018. But the onward trend was not sustained in 2019.
And that’s a humbling realisation for me because it shows that I will have to up the game in the nascent year by publishing more posts that enrich the reading experience of my wordpress audience.
Let’s stop here and look forward to what lies ahead for us in the blogging journey of 2020. Thank you for reading and don’t forget to leave a comment.
As he rightly pointed out in his short post, your favourite post for the year doesn’t necessarily mean the most popular post on your blog. But rather, the one you really like yourself or you enjoyed writing most or that challenged you or inspired you the most – whether or not it gathered many views, likes and comments.
For me, I think my favourite post for 2019 will be one of my midyear posts entitled The problem of atheists finally figured out. It was the second post I published after I carefully studied one of the hottest interactions between Jesus and some of the pretentious religious leaders of the day – the Pharisees.
In a way, I came to realise that there is a similarity between the attitude of the then Pharisees and the modern day atheists, especially the ones online.
As someone who frequently engages in online conversations with atheists visiting this blog, I have often wondered why most of them say the (foolish) things they say about God and the notion of His existence.
“Why can’t they just get it?” I have often asked under my breath.
However my bewilderment got relieved when I heard Jesus vehemently point out the mistakes of the Pharisees as recorded in the Gospels: “Your mistake is that you don’t know the Scriptures, and you don’t know the power of God” – Matthew 22:29 (emphasis mine).
Those words were an eye-opener for me because I could surmise that atheists have the same problems too; they neither understand the scriptures nor know the power of God.
My second most favourite post for the year
Let me also use this medium to talk about my second most favourite post for the outgoing year. The post was inspired by my study of the book of Malachi in the course of 2019.
In the Two Antidotes To Divorce Hidden Away in Malachi, I talked about the fact God intends for our marriages to be a lifelong union. And that to prevent divorce, we must guard our hearts against it and be faithful to our spouses. That’s so simple yet many people miss it. How sad!
You can check out the two posts and let me know what you think.
You looked forward to Christmas all year long. Now the celebration for this year is over.
It will be another 360 something days before you will have another chance to celebrate it again. That is if you are still alive.
Please don’t get me wrong there. I’m not suggesting that you would die before next year’s Christmas. But I’m not denying that the possibility exists for all of us.
Come to think of it, not everyone who celebrated Christmas last year’s Christmas was around to join in this year’s celebration. And as sure as the as the rising sun tomorrow, not everyone who celebrated this year’s Christmas will be alive to celebrate the coming year’s.
You know I’m not being a prophet of doom here. It is the sad reality of the life we found ourselves in: after all said and done, death is inevitable.
The Bible says, “There’s time for everything under the Sun.”
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance… Ecclesiastes 3:1-11.
Let’s take further exploration of the first part of the above quote:
A time to be born, a time to die
Jesus had the time He was born to this earth. He had the time He had to die as well. Gratefully He had the time to resurrect as well.
If you are reading this now, I know you had the time you were born; you had a beginning. Or don’t you have a birthday?
And if you had a beginning on this earth, you are also going to have an ending. It is called death – the way of all mankind.
Unlike when you were born when everyone jubilated, when you die, people will cry. I mean if you are not Adolf Hitler or anyone else in his mould, I don’t see why anyone should be glad when you die.
But whether anyone is sad or happy when you die, it would not really matter to you. What would matter would be how you have used your short life on earth to prepare for the eternity that death would be the doorway to.
If you have prepared well for eternity, death will be a gain to you. But if you have not, death will be a great loss to you. Regrettably, it will be too late by then to make amends.
But how can you prepare well for eternity?
To be honest, the answer is simpler than you think. It requires simple faith in Jesus Christ, the birth of whom we just celebrated and will continue to celebrate in the years ahead.
Think back a little to the Christmas story: a virgin gave birth to Jesus Christ, the Saviour of the whole world. (See Matthew 1:20-21).
You see, that’s why we celebrate Christmas every year: a Saviour was born to save us from our sins. In this Saviour lies the hope of all humanity. But it is sad that many are not seeing it that way.
Now that Christmas is over, the question I would like to ask you is this: do you have a personal relationship by faith with the Celebrant? By that I mean, have you accepted Jesus to be your Lord and Saviour?
If your answer is yes, I will advise you to nurture that relationship so closely that nothing will come between you and Him. You have His assurance that nothing can separate you from His love till you will get to meet Him face to face on the other side of this life.
On the other hand, if you have not put your faith in Jesus Christ as your Lord and personal Saviour, you have between now and the next Christmas to do so. Actually, no one can guarantee that you will be alive till the next Christmas. So that means NOW is the best chance you have to invite Jesus into your life.
Please wait no further, “For God says, “At just the right time, I heard you. On the day of salvation, I helped you.” Indeed, the “right time” is now. Today is the day of salvation” 2 Corrinthians 6:2.
In many places around the world, people celebrate Christmas for various reasons. And the celebration is usually done with a lot of fanfare.
But beyond the fanfare with which it is celebrated, we must not lose sight of the fact that the essence of Christmas is Jesus Christ Himself. Without Jesus as the centre of focus, every celebration of Christmas is an empty celebration.
That brings us to the question:
Beyond the fanfare, what is Christmas about?
1. It is about the birth of a Saviour
Jesus was born to be the Saviour of the world. He was born with the grandest mission ever: To save us from our sins.
Before Jesus Christ was born to the earth, an Angel had said to Joseph about Mary, “She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins” Matthew 1:21.
His name Jesus literally means Saviour. In other words, his name encapsulates His mission.
He was born the Messiah, “the promised deliverer of the Jewish nation prophesied in the Hebrew Bible.”
But not just to His people alone, His saving grace extends to all mankind. “So that everyone who believes in him will have eternal life (John 3:15).
2. It is about the coming of divinity to earth.
One of the core doctrines in Christianity is the belief that Jesus Christ is God in the flesh. When Jesus was born, He brought divinity to humanity.
Jesus is also called Immauel, meaning God with us. The second person of the Trinity stepped into time and be born on earth as a baby.
The incarnation is that event where the second person of the Trinity, the Word, became flesh and dwelt among us – Matt Slick
And throughout His life on Earth, Jesus never suffered any identity crisis: He knew who He is: God in the flesh.
At one point in Jesus’ ministry, Philip, one of the twelve disciples of Jesus said to Him, “Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us.”
Jesus’ response to him was most unequivocal: “Don’t you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? John 14:8-9.
3. It is the birth of the soon-coming King
The birth of Jesus was His first coming to earth. His second coming is still a future event, but it is going to be a sure event.
His first birth by a virgin was foretold and it did happened as prophesied. There is no doubt in my mind that His second-coming which has also been prophesied, will sooner or later take place.
Why not under-estimating Christmas we should not lose sight of the fact that Jesus will come back again – not as a baby, but as a King.
At the ascension of Jesus, His disciples received an angelic assurance that the same way they saw their Master taken up in the clouds into Heaven is the same way He would come back to the earth.
“Men of Galilee,” said the two Angels who accosted the disciples, “why are you standing here staring into heaven? Jesus has been taken from you into heaven, but someday he will return from heaven in the same way you saw him go!” Acts 1: 11.
4. It is the birth of the One who will judge the world
Guess who will be the Judge of the world? Jesus! That’s right, Jesus will be the one to judge the people of the world.
“The Father judges no one, but has given all judgment to the Son” – John 5:22.
Here is how the Bible further paints the picture of the judgement:
When the Son of Man comes in his glory and all his angels are with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. The people of every nation will be gathered in front of him. He will separate them as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right but the goats on his left – Matthew 25:31-33.
For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may be recompensed for his deeds in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad – 2 Corrinthians 5:10.
When we celebrate Christmas, we should remember that we are not just celebrating the birth of an ordinary baby. We are celebrating the birth of our Saviour, God in the flesh, the soon-coming King and the future Judge of the world.
Where on earth is the man I am supposed to marry? I am tired of waiting and I don’t want to make a mistake. I am in my late 20’s slowly approaching 30 soon and would like to settle [down in marriage] within the next one year. My family is putting a lot of pressure on me and I am starting to crumble under the pressure of having to remain sane while waiting for my own [man].
That was from a christian sister expressing her frustrations over her desire to get married but which had not come through.
If you found yourself on this page without having read the first part of the post, please go and read it before you continue with this one. That way, you will have a solid background of the issue in discourse.
Right now, instead of worrying about hooking up with the right man, you concentrate on being the right lady and the right man will find you at the right time.
We will continue from where we stopped by looking at some more advice given to the sister in question by some concerned people. (Again, please read the part one of the post – if you haven’t done so. Thank you).
Let’s us take a look at more advice:
You have painted a picture of the kind of man you are waiting for: a God fearing Man… that’s good. Every woman wants the guy of their dreams to be ready made. But very few are willing to work to make the “man of their dreams.”
Some times, from in the midst of dirt comes true lasting diamonds… Jesus Christ promised a thief paradise at his death – not the best of his disciples, nor the perfect of men, but a “thief”.
Maybe your “man” would not come the way you expect. Just as the way the Israelites expected the Messiah to be born in the palace not in a manger… My dear be open-minded… good Christians are not born, they are made… the most devout of Christians most often times were not born Christians…
What I am saying is that you should keep an open mind and don’t restrict your heart to finding him in your church or among the young pastors in your Church…
God would bring not the best person for you, but the right person for you… please I would advise you [not to] take all relationship decisions to your pastor. Better talk to your parents than your pastor… just my advise o! I’m not saying your pastor is not good in such issues.
You would be fine… live and be happy… don’t let the pressure overwhelm you.
And this one really broke it down:
Stop being too conservative; you said you’re an indoor person. If you keep staying indoors WHO would see you? Come out of the shell and let ‘’the product’’ be seen and heard.
Your appearance matters a lot – you need to look good 24/7 but in a generally accepted way. (Neither too holy looking nor too sinful looking). If you are fat – loose the weight. Most guys (like me) ABHORE FAT GIRLS as wife beacause they look lazy, dirty and sexually unattractive.
Your character too; carrying Bible and going to church everyday DOES NOT MEAN you are good natured. Even satan goes to church these days and calls himself ‘’pastor’’. BE SINCERELY GOOD NATURED. BE OPEN MINDED. BE SIMPLE NATURED.
When a joke is funny laugh – be yourself in a good mannered way. Let people see that you are humble. Be accommodating with ALL classes of people. When you come across ‘’drunkards, party freaks’’ and poor/ christian men, DON’T CARRY YOUR NOSE UP; their brother might just be Mr Perfect or Mr Perfect might just be watching you.
Be perfect in courtesy. Learn to greet anyone/everyone politely. Greeting alone has given thousands of girls husbands.
Be positive minded – imagine good things and smile and pray for them to come.
Let’s conclude with this one who gave her own advice/suggestions by telling her experience with her own sister:
I have an elder sister who will be 30 years next year. She’s unmarried too, and she’s a good christian but she’s very judgemental.
I say it without an iota of doubt that she’s been single this long because of her judgemental nature. And I have noticed that is one thing many self-acclaimed “good christians” have in common.
So if before now you have maintained a self-righteous attitude, madam, I tell you today that you have a long way to go because no one will ever be good enough for you. Please, I will advise you to maintain your virtues as a woman, but embrace the quality of open mindedness.
Learn to relate with people and learn from them instead of judging them before they even come close. People will always have excesses. It’s not yours to write them off, but to live peaceably with all men as much as you can.
By becoming more accommodating and open-minded concerning people, you will understand that we are all different because of our cultures, upbringing, orientation and even religious beliefs and this will help you have a better approach towards people and things.
However, do not mistake my post to mean that I am accusing you decisively of being judgemental or narrow minded. I’m just saying that if you are, please make an attempt to change; it could be holding you back more than you know. I am emphasizing this because I live with someone who is and I know how much it has affected her.
May God direct your path, I can’t say anything outside this because I’m just 21 yrs, very single and I don’t have too much I about all these marriage issues. I will also like to tell you to do something because you want to, not because of pressure [from other people]. That has helped me in a lot of my doings. I leave you with this. May God be your guide.
What would be your advice to a Christian lady waiting for the right man to marry? Let the conservation continue in the comment section.
In 2013, a Nigerian Christian lady published an online post on the frustrations she was facing waiting for the right man to get married to. According to her, she was under immense pressure from her family to get married.
The good part was that she was ready to get married and two she knew the kind of husband she wanted: a godly man who is filled with the word of God, a lover of God and a man fit to be a minister of the gospel.
But the bad part was that such a man was not forth coming her way (yet). And she was getting tired waiting…
“Where on earth is this man?” she had asked in utter frustration. “And does it mean all the good men are already taken?”
Let’s take a deeper peep into her situation as she narrated in her own words:
… I never thought I’d be the lady staying calm and waiting almost endlessly for the one I would spend the rest of my life with; the one who would one day become my husband and the father of my children, my best friend and love.
I am a christian and have noticed that I have a thing for Christian men who are filled with the word of God. Needless to say that I would eventually be getting into ministry in my older years, and every prophetic word I have heard about my marriage has pointed to the fact that the man God has prepared for me would also most likely be in ministry and a huge God lover.
Now the thing is where on earth is this man? I am tired of waiting and I don’t want to make a mistake.
I am in my late 20’s slowly approaching 30 soon and would like to settle [down in marriage] within the next one year.
My family is putting a lot of pressure on me and I am starting to crumble under the pressure of having to remain sane while waiting for my own [man].
I have indeed met a lot of other men who I dare not settle with. eg party rockers, drinkers, womanizers and the rest. Does it mean that all the good men are taken?
Aside waiting, I also want to feel loved, wanted and appreciated. I want him so much already.
I am a professional lady, I am yoruba, I am gentle, kind hearted and want to continue serving God. What can I do to remain calm? (Source: Nairaland )
I felt touched by the sister’s post, hence I decided to offer my two cents in response. (Bear in mind this was way back in 2013).
You sound like a decent girl, so I would say there is no need to become desperate…. And don’t let anyone, family members inclusive, unduly pressure you into Marriage. The danger in that is that you might end up with the wrong guy.
Bear in mind that 28 is not too old [to get married]. I understand your anxiety but be careful not to descend into desperation….
Right now, instead of worrying about hooking up with the right man, you concentrate on being the right lady and the right man will find you at the right time.
Trust in God to give you the right man. In the midst of wolves parading as men, God knows the right man for the right woman.
Be convinced that God loves you enough to give you the best husband. There are still some good men, husband material, out there, looking for someone like you.
But like they say, if you don’t define, you won’t find. So Please take time to list out the things you want in your husband. Everyday, look at the list, be positive about it; envision him come to you. It may sound funny but it works.
With that frame of mind, you can now pray: Oh Lord, wherever my husband is, let him locate me. Bring him to me or take me to where he is so we can meet each other.
It worked for me that way. And today, my wife and I are happily married. You will soon testify too.
As you would rightly expect, there was a barrage of other advice or suggestions in response to that post. Some of them are not worth your time, so I won’t bother to share them here.
However, there were some I considered very useful, and I will share a few of them here with the hope that someone in similar situation may learn from it.
Check out this one first:
I understand your frustration and exhaustive patience. However, He makes all things beautiful in His time and not our time. A lot of single ladies have made terrible and life threatening mistakes because of impatience.
While waiting for the right man, keep adding values to yourself, study good and bad marriages to learn how a home should be, read books and enjoy your singlehood to the maximum in a godly way.
“The vision may tarry, wait for it, it shall speak…” You need to exercise patience and trust God with all your heart. Need I add that this is the time you should draw closer to God – not for what He can give but pleasing and doing His will.
So my sister, do not let your age or pressure from any source push you to do what is not right. Do not mind people talking about you closing in to 30. I wonder the importance of the age if one lives a useless life.
And this one:
…All I can say is that He is preparing you for the task ahead in your ministry and in your home. See this waiting period as an opportunity for you to develop yourself spiritually as it would come in handy when you get married. You will agree with me that staying married is more important than getting married.
And then this:
You are just 28 so its not yet time to press the panic button and please do not let anyone pressure you yet. You say you love Christian men so at least you know what you want. So the question is where are you likely to get Christian men?
Church is the simple answer! Again not all men in Church are Christians but I believe you have the Spirit of God and you will be able to tell the difference.
I also encourage you to get more involved in Church activities, Bible study, mid-week service, become a worker and put yourself in a position where you will meet Christian men. Again be careful because lots of bad boys are in church these days; but you have the Spirit of God in you and you will know the difference.
I can even suggest you try to get close to your Pastor or his wife. Lots of Pastors actually do hook-ups with Church members these days and if your pastor is nice, he could hook you up with a nice gentleman in church.
Again, tell your friends and their husbands too that they could hook you up with their friends or cousins etc. You just can’t stay at home and expect Mr. Right to come around. Some people don’t like hook-ups but I see nothing wrong in it.
Lastly you say you are a professional, do you have friends where you work? Try to be accommodating more and go for Christmas parties and office parties, you could meet someone there as well.
But please make sure you know what you want in a man because there are devils out there who are just waiting to prey on young innocent girls like you so be careful. You are a Christian and remember the virtues of Christianity. God help you.
What would be your own advice to the lady in question?
Generally speaking, what do you understand by the word ‘stress’?
“Stress is a feeling of emotional or physical tension. It can come from any event or thought that makes you feel frustrated, angry, or nervous. Stress is your body’s reaction to a challenge or demand. In short bursts, stress can be positive, such as when it helps you avoid danger or meet a deadline” (MedlinePlus).
If stress can be positive, it means there is negative stress as well. According to those who should know, “Stress becomes negative when a person faces continuous challenges without relief or relaxation between stressors. As a result, the person becomes overworked, and stress-related tension builds.”
As a believer in Christ, beyond the common understanding of stress as a ” feeling of emotional or physical tension,” you should also note that stress has some far-reaching implications for you; it reveals your spiritual condition (the centre of your focus) at the point you are being stressed.
So what does stress reveal about you?
In an episode of Sid Roth’s It’s Supernatural on youtube, I watched the host interview Drs. Dennis and Jennifer Clark. The couple are pastors in ministry and are involved in helping people overcome toxic emotional feelings and setting them free from emotional bondage, no matter how long those negative feelings have been held.
Towards the middle of that interview, Dr. Roth asked the following question, “Doctors tell us that stress is really bad; it causes lots of problems. What do do you say?”
Dr. Dennis Clark’s response to that question was really an eye-opener for me. That’s why I’m sharing it with you here, with the hope that it benefits you too:
“I say stress can be a friend. It can tell you that Jesus isn’t ruling at that point in time. By definition, stress means you’re emotionally controlled by people or circumstances. And you cannot be stressed and trust God at the same time. It’s a physiological and spiritual impossibility.”
I was like wow; this is fantastic! I never saw stress in that light before. Did you see what I meant when I said it was an eye-opener?
Now let’s break it down further:
1.Stress can be your friendas a believer in Christ. In other words, it lets you know that Jesus is not ruling in your heart at that time; you are not walking in the spirit or you have (temporarily) shifted your heart away from God.
2. Stress means that you are emotionally being controlled by people or circumstances. In other words, you are not the one in control of the situations in your life. And if you are not in control, something or someone is controlling you (and it’s not God!). What is that thing or who is that person controlling you?
3. You can not be stressed and trust God at the same time. According to Dr Clark, it is not physiologically and spiritually possible to do so. So it means that as a believer, the more you are stressed the more you will found it difficult to trust God.
I believe you have seen a fresh perspective of what stress reveals about you as a believer in Christ: If you are stressed, it means you are not trusting God. I hope you will take appropriate measures to refocus your heart and your trust.
It means to “feel or cause to feel anxious or troubled about actual or potential problems.” So when you worry, it means you are in a state of anxiety and trouble “over actual or potential problems.”
Broadly speaking, “Worry refers to the thoughts, images, emotions, and actions of a negative nature in a repetitive, uncontrollable manner that results from a proactive cognitive risk analysis made to avoid or solve anticipated potential threats and their potential consequences” (Wikipedia).
As a believer in Christ, you know you are not supposed to worry so much. But you worry all the same. Why?
You worry to the point that stress overwhelms you, emotionally or otherwise. That’s not the situation you should put yourself in.
Jesus said in Matthew chapter 6 (NLT):
25 “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? … 27 Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? …
31 “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ 32 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. 33 Seek the Kingdom of God[e] above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
34 “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.
As Jesus said we should not worry, it means it is within our control not to worry. So that tells me you are not speaking the truth if you say, “I can’t help worrying.”
Of course you can help it if you make up your mind to do so. Worrying does not grip you without your consent.
You play an active role whenever you are worrying, How? By being actively involved in a pattern of negative thinking over real or imagined situations.
As a believer in Christ, can you deal with worrying? I would say yes! If you can refocus, you can deal with it. But a lot will depend on your answer to the following question:
What’s Your Priority?
Before Jesus said we should not worry about tomorrow, He emphasized the need for us to make seeking the Kingdom of God the greatest priority of our lives. In His words:
Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. Matthew 6:33, NLT
As believers in Christ, seeking the Kingdom of God should be our main focus – our priority. The purpose of doing that is to enable us embed our trust in God and not on the daily pursuits of life.
The truth is that if the daily pursuits of life become your main focus and topmost priority (at the expense of kingdom focus) worrying will become a natural consequence.
When you worry, it should be a sign to you that you have shifted your focus from God to other things. And worrying has its consequences; it causes emotional stress, even physical ailments.
So let your mind’s main focus be on God and your worries will be a lot less. As Prophet Isaiah says, God keeps you in perfect peace (worry-free) if your mind is stayed on Him (Isaiah 26:3).
Every one of us have men in our lives. We have them as our fathers, husbands, brothers, uncles, cousins, pastors, colleagues, friends, neighbours, employers, employees, doctors, to name but a few.
These people influence our lives and positively impact the society as well. Sometimes we celebrate them (like on father’s day), sometimes we don’t. But each one of us should have at least one reason to celebrate the men in our lives.
What for? The work hard to make our lives and society better. They provide leadership, provision, protection and so on so forth for us.
I’m not suggesting that men should become the object of our collective worship. But I’m saying there is nothing wrong with celebrating men for their immense contribution to the well-being of the society.
Today is that day set aside around the world for such celebration; every year, the 19th day of November is observed as International Men’s Day (IMD). And by extension, November is sometimes referred to as International Men’s month.
Now, the question is, “What is the purpose of having an International Men’s Day?” It is generally understood as an “occasion to celebrate boys and men’s achievements and contributions, in particular for their contributions to community, family, marriage, and child care. The broader and ultimate aim of the event is to promote basic humanitarian values” (Wikipedia).
Did you notice that boys were included alongside men to be celebrated? That is to say, it is a day earmarked to celebrate the male gender’s contribution to society. (Sorry ladies, you can wait till the 20th day of the month of March when the next International Women’s Day will be celebrated).
In pursuing the objective of celebrating men’s and boy’s positive contribution to society, special focus is made on some specific areas of boy’s and men’s lives. These are encapsulated in what is referred to as:
The 6 Pillars of International Men’s Day
According to the IMD’s website, the objectives of the International Men’s Day are as listed below:
To promote positive male role models; not just movie stars and sports men but every day, working class men who are living decent, honest lives.
To celebrate men’s positive contributions to society, community, family, marriage, child care, and to the environment.
To focus on men’s health and well-being; social, emotional, physical and spiritual.
To highlight discrimination against men; in areas of social services, social attitudes and expectations, and law.
To improve gender relations and promote gender equality
To create a safer, better world; where people can be safe and grow to reach their full potential.
These are noble objectives you might say. But to which extent are they being achieved? That’s a question for another day!
Meanwhile, if you are a male reading this, don’t just read and walk away indifferently. I would like you to take another look at the six objectives listed above as a form of self evaluation to enable you identify areas for possible personal improvement.
If you are like me, we know we have not been the best we could be or did the best we could do in those stated cardinal areas. That’s to say, there is still room for improvement for all of us boys and men.
On the other hand, if you are a non-male, you may also want to evaluate the six objectives to identify the ones that appeal to you most. You can then help the men and boys around you improve in those areas of their lives or simply suggest to them as specific areas of improvement.
Happy International Men’s Day!
Let the conversation continue in the comment section.
Recall that when I posted my review of Ufuomaee’s The House Girl, I promised you that I would also read and review some other books by the same author. This post will be my fulfillment of that promise and I am glad to do it pro bono.
Some months have passed since I’ve completed reading the Perfect Love from cover to cover. I know I should have done the review earlier than now but after several weeks of doing the reviewing in my head, I have decided to put pen to paper. So please spare me some minutes from your precious time as I share my thoughts about the book.
About the book
Perfect Love is about the travails of Onome who has been unhappily married to her husband Temi for six years. Just before their sixth wedding anniversary, Onome meets her ex-boy friend and this turns her world upside down and she became “…a wandering heart. A restless heart. A troubled heart.”
Did Onome fall into the temptations that ensued? Did her husband find out about the other man? Was their marriage consumed by the lack of love and commitment in the relationship? Was she as committed to the marriage as she was to her writing career? It will be worth your time to find out the answers to these questions and more by reading the book.
The book is written by the brainy Ofuomaee, blogger at Grace & Truth, social entrepreneur and author of multiple christian fiction books. In the Perfect Love, the author continues in her now well established style of teaching valuable christian-living lessons via fictional stories that readers find largely believable and relatable.
The only departure from the author’s usual style is that instead of her being the one telling the stories and unfolding the narratives, she allowed each character in the book to do so by themselves. In a way, that also gives the reader a special experience while devouring the book.
The journaling style the author employed in writing the book gave me a breath of fresh air while reading it – a different style of presentation from anything I’ve read recently. As I noted earlier, the author allowed the characters to tell their stories by themselves and in their own words – what they did, could have done, thought about etc.
My worst and favourite character
If I were to pick out my worst character in Perfect Love, it would have to be no other person than Onome herself. Granted that she was very a brilliant and likable person, she continued to make choices that left much to be desired.
It was very annoying to me that she professed to be a born again Christian but had little or no commitment to living up to that sublime identity. And this contributed to her being entangled in the avoidable web of marital frustrations and unhappiness that she was enmeshed in.
My take is that she was, to a greater part, the architect of her own marital misfortunes. In one moment of reflection, she hit the nail on the head when she admitted, “I think our foundation was all wrong, we’d never taken the time to correct it. Yes, we both believed in God [but] He wasn’t Lord of our hearts, our marriage [and] our home.”
Most of the things she went through could have been avoided had she been truly committed to her profession of being a child of God. But then I have realised that, in many ways, Onome is not different from many of us who claim to be christians; we acknowledged God as our Saviour but we hardly let Him be the Lord of our lives.
And we claim we know God but we live our lives like we don’t know Him. What ever happened to the injunction of Jesus to us in Matthew 5:16,
“… let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”?
Enough of Onome’s spiritual and emotional immaturity! I believe we all have some serious soul-searching to do. The earlier we get started the better.
If we must claim to have a relationship with God, let it show in our words and in our actions. Otherwise, we will not be able to escape the consequences of a hypocritical lifestyle.
On the other hand, I would pick the marriage counselor as my favorite character in the book. Her uncommon wisdom, christian maturity and honour shined through her counselling room. I saw her as a good ambassador of God and her profession.
I would assure you that you would pick one or two wisdom from the lips of that impressive marriage counselor when you read the book. As she says in one instant, “When you change your priories and give more time to things that matter, your life will be better for it.”
And who doesn’t want a better life?
I think Ufuomaee did a great job in the Perfect Love, addressing such familiar but important issues as communication in marriage, dealing with infidelity, divorce, marriage counselling, forgiveness, and so on. Although the book centres mainly on marriage and family affairs, I have no doubt that both married and unmarried people will find it helpful.
I definitely had my moments of both sobriety and thrill as I rummaged the pages of Perfect Love. And I believe I have many reasons to thank Ufuomaee for yet another good contribution to the genre of christian fiction.
Thank you for reading!
You can share your own thoughts in the comment section.
Let’s assume you know where you are going, or what you want in life. That’s great and commendable on your part because many people you will find around you have not yet figured that out.
If you happen to meet someone like that whom you are interested in or whom who desire a relationship with, but you are not sure exactly where they are in their lives or what they want in future, one way you can find out is to ask them the right questions.
With the right questions about their future plans, you will be able to gain an insight into the kind of future such people envisage for themselves.
That brings us to the point where we can talk about what is known as future review questions.
Future review questions are the questions you ask so “you can help other people (and yourself) to clarify what’s important for their future” (R. J Adams).
For instance, “How do you see yourself in the next five years” is a future review question.
Future review questions help people to describe a preferred future; help them to paint a “portrait of their life as they desire it to be.”
It is about articulating the things that are important to you, without which you would not consider life to be satisfying.
It makes sense to find out where your would-be ‘relationship partner’ stand on this. Right? Continue reading…
The Possible Scenarios
There are at least three possibilities that will unfold once you begin to ask future review questions to someone you just met and with whom you are interested in establishing a warm relationship with:
He or she will be willing and is able to respond to your questions by clearly painting the portrait of the future that he or she desires.
In other words, he or she will readily answer your future review questions.
He or she is willing but unable to clearly describe the kind of the future he or she desires.
In other words, he or she has some difficulties answering your future review questions.
He or she is not willing to go into that kind of discussion with you.
In other words, he or she refuses to answer your future review questions.
Whatever response you might get from any of the three situations described above will give you a huge insight into the kind of person you are dealing with and how to further relate with him or her going forward.
Please stay with me, you will find some useful hints on how to go about it.
In his online book, How To Find A Good Christian Wife, And Keep Her, R. J. Adams gives us a detailed explanation or suggestions on how to handle any of those three scenarios.
Although his explanations were given chiefly in the context of a single man seeking for relationship with a woman, I believe the underlining principles could also be applied to other forms of mutually beneficial relationships of interest to you.
Please hear him:
“With those people who readily answer your question, you will likely have an interesting conversation about what is most important to them and what would make them satisfied. In those cases where you can add something to their preferred future, or where you can help them achieve their desired results, you have the basis for a long and satisfying friendship or relationship. In cases where you cannot help them, perhaps you can recommend a resource who can. “With people who have difficulty answering your future review question, help them by asking a series of smaller questions. Help them articulate the things that are important to them. Ask what they would like to do, where they would like to go, what they would like to have. Ask how they would prefer spending their time, what kind of people they want to be with, and so on. This can be a very creative and stimulating discussion.
…One of the greatest services you can perform for these people is to coach them to think through and talk about their desired outcomes. And, here again, if you can help make their future come true for them, you have just established the foundation for a great relationship.
What about the people who refuse to answer your future review question? Their unwillingness to answer likely means one of two things. First, their commitment may be to the past, not the future. They may not have thought about their future as something where they have any influence. Secondly, their unwillingness to share their desired future with you may indicate a lack of trust. In either case, you have no basis for a relationship. Some people don’t have the courage or desire to dream, or they don’t trust you enough to share their thoughts with you. Don’t waste your time. Move on to someone else…” (emphasis mine).
“No body is perfect,” goes the popular saying. The truth of that statement is particularly obvious in a committed marital union between a man and woman.
Except you want to deceive yourself, you will gladly own up to the fact that the person you married is not a spotless angel. But this is no time to begin pointing accusing fingers at your spouse as the one with the most imperfections, because as you know, you yourself are not without some blemishes.
In other words, you often fall below each other’s expectations. Despite these imperfections, both of you can still be at peace with each other and hopefully be happier too.
If that is part of your marital goal, then you will allow me to proffer a few suggestions that will be helpful to you in that respect:
Here are seven simple ways you can deal with the imperfections of your spouse:
1. Accept that your spouse is not perfect
Your spouse is not an angel, so don’t expect that he or she will not make mistakes sometimes. And when that happens, please do show some understanding.
Truth be told, neither you nor your spouse is perfect. Perhaps you should let this guide your expectations so that you suffer less frustrations when your spouse’s behaviour falls below your esteemed expectations.
2. Be patient with your spouse
If you have come to terms with the fact that your spouse is not perfect and you are committed to loving him or her despite that, I am going to add that you should be patient with him or her.
I will not promise you that your spouse will grow into a faultless angel someday. But I can at least opine that if he or she is committed to your marriage as you are, there will be remarkable positive change of behaviour over time when you exercise the due patience with.
3. Maintain your sanity
Your spouse will ‘lose it’ sometimes and when that happens be sure to keep your own sanity and be at your best behaviours. Things will go downhill in your marriage if both of you decide to vent and and get mad at each other at the same time.
A wise spouse once told the better-half, “If you spit fire, I will vomit water.” The point here is, you and your spouse should not be spitting fire at the same time.
4. Talk things over with your spouse
In as much as I want you to cut some slack for your spouse, there will be times when it is important you talk things over with him or her. But you have to be gentle and nice over it, else you might trigger a volcanic eruption in the process.
In talking things over with your spouse, be humble, loving and considerate. Resist the temptation of pointing accusing fingers at each other. Instead of looking for who is wrong, focus on what is wrong and deal with it.
If your spouse raises his or voice in the process, keep yours low. Apologise where necessary and accept responsibility as appropriate.
Engage in the conversation in such a away that it strengthens your marriage and not in a way that tears it apart.
5. Avoid the silent treatment
There are times silence may be golden, but at times too, it can be a time-bomb waiting to explode. I trust that you know the difference. While it is not okay to shout at your spouse, on the other hand, don’t use the silent treatment as a tool for affliction in marriage.
It is good to keep silent sometimes in order not to offend in words or as part of your anger management strategy. But if your spouse desires commmunication with you, do not give him or her the silent treatment to punish him or her for what they did to you.
6. Celebrate your spouse’s strength
Despite your spouse’s so-called imperfections, he or she must have some strengths as well. Identify those strengths and celebrate them.
I am totally convinced that your spouse is not a good-for-nothing fellow, otherwise you would not have married him or her. So I am telling you for free that you can manage your spouse’s imperfections better by focusing on his or her strengths and celebrating them.
Compliment your spouse’s good behaviours and be less critical of the bad ones. It is not easy to do, but it is worth the try.
7. Pray regularly for your spouse
It is not enough for you to talk to your spouse. You should also talk to God about spouse – not in form of endless bitter complaints but in form of regular loving prayers.
Trying to force a change in behaviour on your spouse may be counter-productive. But when you pray, you invite God to handle the situation in the best possible way.
Don’t say you don’t know what to pray about concerning your spouse. Are there things you like about your spouse? I believe the answer is yes. Begin your prayers by thanking God for those things.
Also, the things that annoy you about him or her should be part of the things you should pray about. Your dreams for her, the things she cares about, her personal goals are some of the things you can pray for your wife about.
You have read my views. Let’s hear yours in the comment section.
I have since realised that there were unique experiences we had as kids who grew up in the villages that our counterparts in a city such as Lagos may not relate to. A little of that sentiment of mine was tickled this morning when my seven year old son asked me a simple question:
“Daddy, why do some people put out buckets, bowls and other
containers when it rains?”
“To collect some rain water for use,” I replied rather too flippantly, without even looking at the direction where the question came from. But then, almost immediately the salient reality of that question began to dawn on me.
The answer I gave should have been pretty obvious to him you might think. But please give the boy a break; even if for no other reason but because collecting rain water for household use has never been part of his experience in his few years of life on earth.
With portable water now being pumped to the kitchen, bathroom and wherever else water is needed in the house, how would he appreciate the fact that many people around my country still depend on rain water for survival?
“For what kind of use, daddy?” he sought to clarify.
“My dear, it’s for domestic use.” This time I had to look at him in the face, with my hands on each of his shoulders, leaning forward in the process.
When I was at his age (more than three decades ago), I didn’t have to wonder why people harvested rain water. The experience was too common-place for me not to have known the purpose.
But his question afforded me a genuine coachable moment to point out the fact that many homes still cannot do without relying on rain water for some of – if not for all – their domestic uses. I guess that’s still part of the reality of living in a developing nation.
I went on to explain to him how we used to depend on rain water as the main source of water supply way back in the village where I was born. Just like everyone else in that small community, my mum and my older siblings would put out different sizes of containers to collect rain water whenever it poured.
Even the roof of the houses there were embedded with water conveyance systems. That way, the abundant rain water that hits atop the covering corrugated iron sheets were channeled through well-constructed gutters linked with vertical trunk pipes that emptied directly into underground concrete tanks or into big volume surface water reservoirs.
The water so-collected would then be fetched out and put to
daily use (washing, bathing, cooking, cleaning and yes, drinking) all-year
round. The process was reliable and sustainable too. And because of the
beautiful natural vegetation surrounding the environment we lived in, coupled
with the absence of fossil fuel using factories, the problem of acid rain was
You see, people like my son who were born in an urban city would never fully understand that kind of experience which we considered common-place while growing up. And I completely understand!
Perhaps a little walk back memory lane will underscore my point. I was born in a village in the present day Delta State, Nigeria. I grew up there till my teen years before I finally relocated to the city of Lagos.
That little village was blessed with a few amenities that
made it standout amidst other ones around it. It had a well-tarred Trunk B road
that ran through it from one end to another connecting it directly to the State
Capital at the far end, separated only by a few other villages and towns.
At that time telephone service was a huge luxury way beyond the reach of 99.9999% of the population. Even at that, the village was already linked to the national telephone backbone. And apart from the availability of analogue phone service powered by the now defunct NITEL (Nigeria Telecommunications), the village also had electricity supply from the national grid.
However, water supply was the biggest problem we had to grapple with in that village. No streams, no boreholes and no portable water supply from anywhere. Only rain water, which was abundant doing the wet season and scanty in the dry season, was available.
Thanks to a failed pipe-borne water project sponsored by the then
military state government, the various households in the village never had the
privilege of regular supply of treated water pumped to them. Looking back now,
I would say that was my first experience of a failed government project being
commissioned as successfully completed.
Whether it was the contractor’s gross incompetence or the systemic corruption in high places that robbed the community of a properly executed portable water facility, my young mind could not have comprehended it then. But now the picture is clearer.
That was how the pictured looked like some three decades ago. Unfortunately, that’s the same story (or even worse) that could be told of many vital but abandoned (water) projects across many states of the Federation today.
Could the experience have been better for the masses, especially with respect to water supply? You tell me what you think!
As a parent, how much do you even realise that you are your children’s number one life coach? When it comes to coaching your kids, do not underestimate your role as a parent, and please do not be lazy playing that role in your children’s lives.
You may assume that your kids will know some things on their own, but then you get to find out they don’t.
You may also assume that they should be taught everything in school, but at last you get to discover they weren’t. That means there is a learning gap between what they are supposed to know and what they actually do know.
In what little ways can you bridge that gap with your kids in a way that engenders good rapport between you and them?
Of course, there might be many ways to that end. But in this post, I will suggest capturing the coachable moments with them.
Coachable or teachable moments’ refer to those unplanned or informal opportunities for you as a parent to have conversations with your kids or wards with the aim of helping them to solve problems or learn a good lesson they could use in life.
It is about impacting valuable lessons to your kids while life is at play.
Here are 3 ways you capture the coachable moments with your kids
1. Don’t be an absentee parent
One good advice I can give you as a parent is this: be there for your kids.
And I know being there for your kids can take many forms. For instance, it can be about providing for them or paying their school fees. Any average parent would score high on those.
But how about being physically available for them as their life coach?
Certainly life will throw up coachable moments, but if you are not there for them, how can you take up that little responsibility?
2. Look out for coachable moments
When you are there for your kids, you will often find some coachable moments to explore.
They abound in your everyday relationship or activities with them.
Train your eyes (and your other senses) to recognise coachable moments with your kids and you will surely find some.
Whether you are at the dining table with them, or watching television together or you are driving them to school, always look out for coachable moments.
If you are not looking for, you may pass the opportunities when they present themselves.
3. Utilise the coachable moments
When life hands you a coachable moment with your kids, please don’t flunk it.
The coachable moment may come in two ways: an opportunity for you to reinforce an observed positive behaviour or correct a bad behaviour.
In either case, utilising the coachable moments enables you as a parent to mould your kids or wards into better version of themselves.
As a parent, if you are there for your kids or wards, life will definitely hand you some coachable moments.
Look out for such moments in your every day activities with your kids. And when you do find them, take advantage of those moments and impart lessons that will help your kids or wards become better versions of themselves
Have you had any coachable moments with your kids? Please share your experience in the comment section.
How are atheists made? Does the Bible contribute in creating atheists? Instead of revealing God to us, is the Bible now taking people away from God?
I asked those questions not because I don’t believe in the Bible anymore, neither is it because I do not know the purpose of the Bible. But because I want to frontally address a wrong notion a reader has about the Bible and atheism.
One atheist who commented on one of my posts has alleged that “the Bible is the best book for creating atheists.” I would not let that pass just like that because it’s possible there are some other people with that same kind of erroneous thinking.
First and foremost, any Christian worth the name will not dispute the divine inspiration of the Bible, neither will he or she agree with the suggestion that the Bible creates atheists. But in the interest of those who may not be so grounded, further examination may be necessary.
To examine the claim that the Bible is the best book for creating atheists, we would just take a quick look at what purpose the Bible serves.
In his second letter to Timothy, apostle Paul categorically stated the inspiration behind, and the purpose of, the (Bible) Scriptures:
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for instruction, for conviction, for correction, and for training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be complete, fully equipped for every good work (2 Timothy 3:16-17).
From that verse, we can see that the Bible scripture was inspired by God and is “profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness” and “to equip us for every good work.”
As one source puts it, “The Bible is great literature and the all-time number-one best-seller. It contains history, entertaining stories, poetry, philosophy, and personal letters. But, more than that, the Bible is God’s Word. If we have to speak of a single purpose of the Bible, it would be to reveal God to us. There are many things that we could never know about God unless He told them to us. The Bible is God’s self-revelation to humanity. The Bible also tells us who we are. It tells us of our sin and of God’s plan of salvation in Jesus Christ.”
Despite the reality described above, there are people who have a complete misunderstanding of what the Bible is about. And that’s rather unfortunate.
Recently on this blog, I had an extended interaction with an atheist who read and commented on one of my posts. At some point during the online conversation, the atheist made the following comment about the Bible and God:
…The bible has numerous books filled with violence and much of this violence is by your god. It sounds like he has no idea how to be a god of peace. Doesn’t he have an anger management problem, if he exists? No wonder that the bible is the best book for creating atheists. You need to read it properly.
My response to him went as follows:
If you believe that God has an anger issue, it means you are admitting that He exists in the first place. When you are honest about that, we can begin to explore the nature of God, which obviously you have misunderstood.Your claim about the Bible being a book for creating atheists is malicious. You know it’s not true. You became an atheist by your choice… so stop blaming it on the Bible.
I don’t know what everyone else think. But in my own opinion, the Bible is not a book for creating atheists. So it could not have been the best book for doing so as claimed by that reader.
Anyone that chooses to become an atheist, does so out of his or her own volition. So it will be wrong to blame it on the Bible.
The Bible is a book about God and His people. It tells the story of man from creation till when the world will end and beyond. It is a book for conviction, instruction, correction in righteousness and it prepares us for good works.
The Bible serves to bring us closer to God; not to take us away from Him. To that effect, anyone who claims to have read the Bible back to back without discovering God in it has either read a different Bible or has read it with the wrong mindset.
Any follower of this blog would already know that I believe in God. That fact has never been hidden in any way.
I would add that I do not just believe in God in the general sense of it, I believe in Him in the sense of having a personal relationship with Him through faith in His Son Jesus Christ whom I have willingly accepted as my Lord and personal Saviour.
On this blog I have written sufficient number of posts to have made it clear enough that I don’t belong to atheists’ camp. So you can imagine my surprise when one of my readers (ostensibly a first-timer) suggested in one of his comments to the post The Problems with Atheists that I could be an “atheist masquerading as a Protestant Fundamentalist.”
In the referenced post, I had pointed out that:
Atheists do not have what it takes to come to the conclusion that God does not exist. So when you have anyone claiming God does not exist, understand that he or she is either being insincere or is displaying his or her ignorance. Or as the Bible puts it, he or she is simply being foolish.
Just like the Sadducees that accosted Jesus over a question on resurrection, whereas they didn’t believe in resurrection, the problem with atheists who go about discrediting God and the notion of His existence is that they neither know the Scriptures nor the power of God.”
Though not unexpected, there were many backlashes from atheists over that post. Sad to say, many of the comments from them went off course. One of such comments was what inspired the title of this present post:
Are you a Catholic? Do you accept the teaching of the church? Isn’t it the church that interprets the bible? Or are you really an atheist who is masquerading under the mask of Protestant Fundamentalism?
If you’re a Fundamentalist, the former Fundamentalist pastor (now atheist) called Bruce Gerencser will chop your arguments up and make mince meat of them. He doesn’t hate God. He just doesn’t believe that God exists. What he hates is Fundamentalists pontificating on God and Fundamentalists misrepresenting atheists.
You guys, both Catholics and Protestants, are suffering from what Richard Dawkins calls “The God delusion”.
Although the comment was full of rabbit trails, I cut to the chase in the response I gave to it:
I’m not a Catholic, neither am I Protestant fundamentalist, as you put it. And your suggestion that I could be an atheist is even more laughable. How could I be so foolish to be an atheist? I know better!
For the avoidance of doubts, I am a disciple of Jesus Christ who believes in God as the creator of all things, who has accepted the saving grace that is available in Christ Jesus alone for the forgiveness of my sin and I’m living my life to please God.
I understand what the Bible says, “only fools say God doesn’t exist.” So between those of us who believe that God exists and those [of you] that don’t believe, we know who is delusioned.
Dawkins’ book is seriously mistaken in the claim that there is no God. From the reviews I have read, I know the book is an attack on God and Christianity. Anger. Hatred.
It is okay to note that the God he claims doesn’t exist, makes him so angry. That’s the same trait I have seen in many atheists I have interacted with.
Talking about the atheists I have had online conversations with in the past, many of them (if not all of them) would also call us delusionists for believing that God exists. Recently, I had to quip to one of them:
“If those of us who believe in God are delusionists, then those [of you] who don’t believe in Him must be worse off because atheism does not make sense at all.”
That response may appear harsh to some people, but that was as nice I could be. I believe the irony in it is clear enough for everyone to understand.
For emphasis sake, I am not an atheist. And I don’t want to be one. I believe that God exists and I believe in His Son Jesus Christ as my Lord and personal Saviour.
Atheism does not make sense to me at all. It’s all foolishness parading as knowledge. “”The fool says in his heart, “There is no God”” Psalms 14:1. I stand on that Biblical position.
All the same, I thank God for His mercies that are seeing some atheists come to Christ. How I wish these ones here will one day see their folly and also come to Christ before it becomes too late for them.
The account of the ever popular story of the prodigal son in the Bible is one of the greatest stories of forgiveness ever written. Jesus told the story to demonstrate the unconditional love of God for us mankind.
No matter how much we think we have erred against God, He will always forgive and accept us if we come back home to Him. As Jesus Himself assured us, “…he that comes to me, I will in no wise cast out” (John 6:37).
As parents, can we learn and apply that principle in the way we treat our erring children? I will like to answer ‘yes’ to that question.
The prodigal son’s father forgave his betrayal, disloyalty, rebellion, foolishness, greed, recklessness, haughtiness, impatience and extravagance. There is no reason we should not extend same kind of forgiveness to our erring children – irrespective of the offences they have committed, or will ever commit against us.
We do not easily give up on those we love – whatever they do to us. And we love our children. So why shouldn’t we always forgive them when they err against us?
As humble parents, we will admit that our children constantly do things that annoy us. Blame it on the effect of hormones or peer pressure or whatever reasons that may be adduced, our children may not always be at their best behaviours towards us. That’s the reality of the life we live in as the earthly custodians of those precious souls.
A humble parent forgives his/her children all their wrongs because he/she too needs forgiveness from the Father above.
So when our children fall below our expectations (they will definitely do), should we continue to hold it against them? I think we should forgive them!
Should we ostracize them when their behaviours embarrass us? I think we shouldn’t!
First and foremost, we owe forgiveness to our children for whatever offences they have committed or will ever commit against us. Forgiveness is good for our overall mental and emotional well-being. Besides, God Himself does not expect any less from us.
Secondly, we should never cut-off from our children because they broke our hearts. Whether we like it or not, we are bound to them forever by our blood relationship. So as parent’s we cannot should not disown our children when they err.
Just like the loving father forgave the biblical prodigal son, we should always forgive our erring children. No matter how grave the offences might be, let us find it in our hearts to forgive them. It is part of our calling as parents.
How do you think parents should handle their erring children?
In the course of running this blog, I have encountered some of them and have had various interactions with them. From some of my interactions with them, I could see that even though they all claim God does not exist, many of them still have problem with God.
They sometimes question His love, His justice and His character and are obviouly angry at Him. One of them even called God ‘a baby-killer’.
To that I asked him, “I thought you claimed God didn’t exist? How could He be a baby-killer if He didn’t exist?”.
The question is, if atheists truly believe that God does not exist, why does it bother them so much when we say He does? Why do they express so much angst towards God and any mention of Him or His attributes?
I see no reason they should continue to engage in diatribes against God. I mean, what is the essence of trying to prove that a ‘non-existent’ God does not exist? They obviously have a problem they haven’t probably figured out!
As believers, atheists scorn us for believing that God exists. But they turn blind eyes to their own folly in not believing that He exists.
Also, they don’t fully realise their own limitation in not knowing all things yet are boldly proclaiming that God does not exist. Doesn’t that validate the biblical position that only fools say God does not exist?
The only way to know without an iota of doubt that God does not exist is to possess the capability of being ‘all-knowing’. As you know, no man alive or dead, including atheists themselves possess that kind of knowledge.
So I would totally agree with one Hank Hanegraaff when he said, “atheism involves a logical fallacy known as a universal negative. Simply stated, a person would have to be omniscient and omnipresent to be able to say “there is no God” from his own pool of knowledge.
“Only someone capable of being in all places at the same time — with a perfect knowledge of all that is in the universe — can make such a statement based on the facts. In other words, a person would have to be God to say there is no God. Hence, the assertion [that God does not exist] is logically indefensible.”
Simply put, atheists do not have what it takes to come to the conclusion that God does not exist. So when you have anyone claiming God does not exist, understand that he or she is either being insincere or are displaying their ignorance. Or as the Bible puts it, they are simply being foolish.
By not knowing the Scriptures here, I do not mean to say that atheists have never read the Bible, because I know many of them have. The problem is that those of them who have read it lack the proper understanding of it.
Let the conversation continue in the comment section.
That was the question someone asked on an open online social network forum I belong to. The question was asked about four years ago, but it still feels so fresh like today’s stuff. That’s why I’m revisiting it here.
You have probably heard about the over-zealous group of people in the Bible known as the Sadducees. But if you are not sure who they are, the Gospel of Matthew has it that they are a group of religious leaders who did not believe in resurrection from the dead.
That same day Jesus was approached by some Sadducees—religious leaders who say there is no resurrection from the dead – Matthew 22:3, NIV.
These same arrogant people came to Jesus and began to ask him an impossible question about marriage after resurrection. Relying on the provisions of the laws of Moses on the responsibility of a man to his deceased childless brother, they contrived a theoretical case of seven brothers who had died childless and who had in turn been married to the same woman.
Let us read the encounter with the Sadducees together:
Matthew 22, NIV: 23…They posed this question: 24 “Teacher, Moses said, ‘If a man dies without children, his brother should marry the widow and have a child who will carry on the brother’s name.’ 25 Well, suppose there were seven brothers. The oldest one married and then died without children, so his brother married the widow. 26 But the second brother also died, and the third brother married her. This continued with all seven of them. 27 Last of all, the woman also died. 28 So tell us, whose wife will she be in the resurrection? For all seven were married to her.”
Wait a minute, I thought the Sadducees didn’t believe in resurrection from the dead? How come they were asking Jesus about “who will marry who” in the resurrection?
Obviously, they must have had an ulterior motive just like their counterpart, the Pharisees, who wanted to “trap Jesus into saying something for which he could be arrested” by asking Him the question of whether or not tax should be paid to the government authority of the day (see Matthew 22:15-22).
Gratefully, Jesus caught them in the act and He gave them the profound answers that inspired this post.
29 Jesus replied, “Your mistake is that you don’t know the Scriptures, and you don’t know the power of God. 30 For when the dead rise, they will neither marry nor be given in marriage. In this respect they will be like the angels in heaven (emphasis mine).
How I love the wisdom of Jesus in tackling knotty situations!
There you have it. According to Jesus, the mistakes of the Sadducees are in two folds: Not knowing the Scriptures and not knowing the power of God.
… Without a doubt, divorce was the worst season of my life. Nothing I’ve suffered since that time even comes close… absolutely nothing compares to the horrific pain of having a spouse decide, “I Don’t” after saying “I Do” – Laura Petherbridge.
In a previous post, we talked about the fact that God hates divorce. The natural question that would be precipitated by that statement will be:
Why does God hate divorce?
First and foremost, we all know that hate is a strong language, meaning “an intense dislike for.”
On the other hand, Divorce connotes “the legal dissolution of a marriage by a court or other competent body.”
There must be some good reasons God does not like divorce. And those reasons are what this post seeks to explore.
If you ask me, I would say God hates divorce chiefly because He loves us and wants the best for us. He doesn’t want us to go through the pains, regrets and difficulties divorce action might occasion.
God loves us enough to inform us that He hates for us to subject our spouses to divorce. We all know that if you truly love someone, you wouldn’t want something bad to happen to him or her. Don’t you think God feels that much sympathetic towards us?
I guess you too have your reasons you think God says He hates divorce. (And I would like it if you would drop your views in the comment section of this post). For now let’s focus on what we can glean from the foundation scripture for this post and the previous one.
Malachi 2:15-16 – Let’s read it together:
15 Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his.[b] And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth.16 “For I hate divorce!”[c] says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,[d]” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife” (NLT).
Based on this passage, let’s now explore further reasons God hates divorce:
1. God instituted marriage.
“Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife?” asked Prophet Malachi.
God has made you one with the person you are married to. So why do you seek to be separated from him or her forever?
God instituted marriage for our enjoyment and His will for us is to have it as a life-long union. That’s why we say, “till death do us part” at the point of entering the marriage contract.
It is safe to say that divorce undermines the sanctity of this holy institution of marriage established by God. Therefore God hates divorce.
2. God has a purpose for instituting marriage.
God did not only institute marriage, He had a purpose for doing so. The prophet here tells us that God seeks godly children (one translation uses the word “offsprings”) from our marriages.
“… And what does he want? Godly children from your union… Remain loyal to the wife of your youth.”
In order words, God expects our marital unions to bear godly seeds, godly fruits or godly results. You will agree with me that divorce will not qualify as a godly fruit.
Secondly, God also wants married couples to demonstrate loyalty to each other through thick and thin. And divorce flatly defeats that purpose.
3. Divorce has consequences
“To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,[d]” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies.
Wow, did you see that point in that verse you just read? Divorce is cruelty to your spouse. Another translation describes it as treachery.
Many people may disagree with that, but I know God’s word cannot be wrong. God would rather not have you go through the pains associated with divorce.
Whatever you think, divorce will cost you – be it emotionally, financially or otherwise. Apart from the couple involved, other associated parties (including your children and other loved ones) also suffer when marriage fails and results in divorce. Divorce will cause you pains, anguish, depression and the like.
As Laura Petherbridge observed from her own experience, “…divorce was the worst season of my life. Nothing I’ve suffered since that time even comes close… absolutely nothing compares to the horrific pain of having a spouse decide, “I Don’t” after saying “I Do.””
“Being an atheist must be like living in a closed cell with no windows” – Anthony Hopkins.
If you are a movie enthusiast, I am sure you have heard about the name, Anthony Hopkins. But if you haven’t, a simple check on Wikipedia will convince you that he is not a man of mean achievements in the movie industry.
Let’s take a little peep:
“Sir Philip Anthony Hopkins CBE is a Welsh actor, director, and producer. He won the Academy Award for Best Actor in 1992, and was nominated three additional times. Hopkins has also won three BAFTAs, two Emmys, and the Cecil B. DeMille Award. In 1993, he was knighted by Queen Elizabeth II for services to the arts.”
According to a report monitored via Godupdates, “Anthony Hopkins is one of the most well-known actors of our time. For years, he was a well-known atheist, too. But all of that changed when a woman at an AA meeting challenged his disbelief with one simple question… “Why don’t you trust God?“”
It was the expression, “For years, he was a well-known atheist” that first caught my attention. But I’m glad to learn that all that has changed.
You must now use the word “former” atheist when referring to Hopkins, because he has become a firm believer in the existence of God.
Not only that, he now “lives out his real life with Christ in his heart. He’s been an atheist before finding God and now he just feels sorry for atheists, comparing a life of disbelief to “living in a closed cell with no windows.”
Sir Hopkins’s transformation and conversion from atheism to Christianity began with his positive response to that question, “Why don’t you trust God?” at a time he was dealing with alcoholism.
A reputable source has it that,”miraculously Anthony says the craving to drink was taken from him, “never to return again.” And he’s believed in God ever since, working day after day, year after year, to grow in his faith.”
In the end, he not only got helped with overcoming the spirit of alcoholism which had bedeviled him, he transformed from being a man who didn’t believe that God exists to one that now affirms that He does.
“When asked in a CNN interview with Piers Morgan if he believed in God, former-atheist Anthony Hopkins replied wholeheartedly, “Yes, I do. I do.”
It is unfortunate that some people in the modern world have chosen to dismiss the Biblical account of the resurrection story as a work of fiction or a product of deluded minds. But you see, anyone who denies that Jesus rose from the death does so at his or her own risk, one that has an eternal consequence.
Doubters may continue to doubt, but it does not change the fact that Jesus died and rose from the dead. So He is no longer in the grave.
I recently watched a movie that inspired the title of this post. It was about a best–selling author who suddenly began to face unexpected personal and financial challenges.
Missed writing deadlines, tax issues, relationship break downs, debts, etc. were some of the pressing issues she was seen to be grappling with. All these made her insensitive, irritable, rude, cold-hearted and unproductive – to the dismay of her friends and family.
The good part was that she knew things weren’t going on so well with her. she tried to concoct various plans as quick-fixes for her nagging problems.
At one point she seriously contemplated ‘relocating’ to another continent (from America to Africa) to have more time for herself. But she never went through with the plan.
In another occasion, she tried selling off her father’s restaurant business in order to raise the needed funds to settle her outstanding tax and other financial obligations that threatened to have her being put behind prison bars. But her parents opposed this idea very strongly, assuring her that there must be better ways of handling the issues.
Now this is where I am going…
In the heat of her crisis and rejection, this protagonist knelt down in her room and began to sob and to pray saying, “Oh Lord, I know You have not heard from me in a while…”
In what seemed like a short but a heartfelt prayer to God, she poured out her confusion, fears, and problems before God. Although all her problems didn’t varnish all at once, it seemed that things began to work out better for her from then onward.
“Oh Lord, I know You have not heard from me in a while…” That opening line alone got me giggling aloud.
God hasn’t heard from her, or rather, she hadn’t talked to Him in weeks, in months or possibly in years. But now in her predicaments, she remembered she could still talk to God.
You see, it reminds me about people who once had a relationship with God but are now estranged from Him. God hasn’t heard from them in a while too!
May be you are even one of such people. If only you would get back to God like this woman in our discourse or like the prodigal son got back to the waiting embrace of his father. Things would be better for you again.
Do you have any comment about this post? Let’s have your opinion in the comment section.
I know the word is not new to you as people frequently use it. What I don’t know is how much of its real meaning you have understood and applied in your own sphere of influence.
You may probably have been tempted to think that tolerance strictly means to put up with something or someone with very nasty, horrible, terrible or poignant attributes. Not really!
Please take a good look at the definition below and compare it with what you already know about the meaning of the word:
“Willingness to accept behaviour and beliefs which are different from your own.”
I don’t know about you, but the definition above opened up an entirely new vista to me, of which I am glad.
It shows for instance that tolerance doesn’t say we should put up with evil or bad things or bad people. But it clearly portrays “willingness to accept behaviour and beliefs which are different from [our] own.”
Now let’s take a closer look at the key aspects of the said definition:
• Willingness to accept… • Behaviour and beliefs… • Different from your own…
Tolerance would be required wherever there are inter-human relationships because you will always meet people whose behaviour and beliefs are different from yours.
That’s why tolerance may also be understood as “the ability or willingness to tolerate the existence or opinions or behaviour that one dislikes or disagrees with.”
That means you can disagree with someone without going to war with him or her.
It means you should have an open mind towards someone even when he or she has an opinion that is completely different from yours.
Due to a number of varied factors such as genetic make-up, family background, religion, education, geography, exposure, life experiences etc, all of us believe different things and behave differently from one another.
That means that at any point in time in your chequered life, you will always see people who behave or believe differently from you; whose opinions about issues are not like yours.
The question would then be, “how would you deal with such people?”
In order to coexist harmoniously with such people, you should be willing to tolerate them if you cannot change them.
Talking about changing people, experience has shown that many people are aware that some other people do not share their opinions, behaviour or beliefs.
But some times, they are unwilling to accept such other people who do not share their outlook. This is often the beginning of unnecessary conflicts in human interactions.
However, you may only try to effect some changes on peoples’ behaviour or beliefs if possible to suite yours; but you shouldn’t try to use force.
By the way, you can’t change anyone who doesn’t really want to be changed. You can only influence such person.
When it comes to changing someone’s behaviour or beliefs, influence should be the operating word, not force.
Otherwise, you must bring to bare the willingness to accept their behaviour and beliefs which you perceive to be different from your own and which you cannot change.
That, my friend, is the real meaning of tolerance.
Bear in mind that tolerance is a seed; as you sow it, you will reap the sweet harvest.
Don’t you realise that other people would have to tolerate you too?
I believe you know that not all your opinions, behaviour and beliefs are acceptable to everyone you come in contact with!
Although, I cannot guarantee it, other people too ought to be willing to accept your opinions, behaviour and beliefs which are different from their own. That is if they know what it means to practice tolerance.
There is no worthwhile relationships with people that do notnot requ tolerance in between.
Like all good habits, tolerance doesn’t just happen to us; it has to be cultivated deliberately and ‘open-heartedly’.
It is very important to cultivate it because you will need it if you desire to build a meaningful, harmonious and long-lasting relationship of any kind.
Here are a few areas where we can apply the principle of tolerance:
• At home, between spouses , amongst siblings or other family members;
• At work, between you and your boss, colleagues or direct reports;
• In your neighbourhood, amongst co-tenants, etc
• Amongst your friends, classmates in schools etc
• In churches, with members and leaders alike;
• In other organisations /relationships, etc
In fact, anywhere you come in contact with humans, tolerance is needed. As you well know, no body is perfect.
People are different. You are not everyone and everyone is not you. Therefore, there will always be differences in opinion, behaviour and beliefs between you and others.
There would be conflicts all the time in all kinds of human relationships if the principle of tolerance is not imbibed.
The extent to which you realise this differences and how well you are willing to accept and manage them depict your level of tolerance at any given period.
What does tolerance mean to you? Let’s hear from you in the comment section.
Previously published on this blog in 2015 as “What tolerance really means.”
The following is an outline of a 15-minute pep-talk I delivered at a breakfast meeting held by a small group of professional friends. I thought I should share it with you. Who knows, you might pick up one or two things from it.
1. Oratorial Skill
Ability to speak properly and eloquently.
Helps you to create the right impression
Enables you to be more persuasive
Enhances your leadership skill
Don’t talk too much.
Don’t say what you don’t mean.
Don’t manipulate people.
2. Negotiation Skill
The process by which compromise or agreement is reached while avoiding argument and dispute: a method by which people settle differences.
Makes you less confrontational.
Helps you to save cost.
Increases your sense of satisfaction in any deal.
Don’t take advantage of people.
Don’t be mean.
Be fair; seek win-win outcomes.
3. Selling Skill
Ability to hand over or give something in exchange for money.
Boosts your self confidence.
Helps you to market your ideas, service or product better.
Increases your income or earning power.
Overcome the temptation to lie.
Don’t sell what is against your conscience.
Sell only what has value.
Ways to develop your oratorial, negotiation and selling skills
“I really believe that everyone has a talent, ability or skill that they can mine to support themselves and to succeed in life.” ~ Dean Koontz
In a sub-article , How Israel and the Jews have shaped history, Adrian Rogers observed that “As you study history, you learn that the indestructible Jew has left his indelible mark upon history. The Jewish people are not great in number. Of the world’s population, they are only 0.2%. That’s not two percent. That’s less than one-fourth ofone percent. Yet did you know that 22% of Nobel Prize winners have been Jews? In 2013, six of the 12 laureates were Jewish…”
Rogers argument is that although the Jews are few in number, they have made tremendous contributions to the development of the world as we know it – be it “…in medicine, health, music, and public life.”
Buttressing his point, Rogers employed rhetoric by drawing attention to some of the useful inventions by Jews:
“Have you ever taken an aspirin? Friedrich Bayer, whose company developed aspirin, was a Jew. Were you vaccinated for polio as a child? The injectable and oral polio vaccines of Salk and Sabin were so effective, the disease has been all but eradicated.
Has the dentist ever deadened your tooth before he started to drill? Alfred Einhorn, who developed Novocain, was a Jew…”
You can head over to Crosswalk.com to read the full article. But here in this post we will further examine it’s concluding paragraph:
“All history has been dramatically impacted by six Jews: Moses, Paul, Karl Marx, Sigmund Freud, Albert Einstein, and above them all, the Lord Jesus Christ.”
There are many things we know about these people that make them great. Time and space will fail me to delve into how all six of them dramatically impacted history.
So let us take a little peep into three of them with Biblical history: Moses, Paul and Jesus:
There many things that are remarkable about this man referred to as the meekest man on earth. As one source noted, Moses is “Universally recognised as the deliverer of his people, the Israelites, from slavery in Egypt, biblical and human history also credit him with establishing Israel’s judicial and religious systems.”
2. Apostle Paul
Paul has been described as the Apostle of Apostles and the writer of two-thirds of the New Testament Bible. As noted in the Encyclopaedia Britannica, “Paul is often considered to be the most important person after Jesus in the history of Christianity. His epistles (letters) have had enormous influence on Christian theology, especially on the relationship between God the Father and Jesus, and on the mystical human relationship with the divine.”
3. Jesus Christ
Indeed, Moses, Paul, Freud, Einstein and Jesus impacted the history of this world as we know it. However, Jesus Christ is the greatest of all. He is the Saviour of the world. and you know what? He is my Saviour too!
Of all the thirty five questions on the list, this one (which was incidentally no 1) tickled my fancy the most:
“If you had the chance to find out where your final destination would be after you die right now at this moment, would you wanna know?”
My immediate response to that question was, “…I am glad that I don’t have to wait till I die to know where I would be when I die. As a believer in Christ, I know I will be with God when I die. Can one be sure about this on this side of the earth? Yes, but’s that’s a story for another day.”
Further to that impromptu comment of mine, this post is my humble attempt at addressing that question in detail. And I am speaking as someone who believes in God through Jesus Christ and accepts the Bible as the authentic word of God.
I reckon that we would understand the discussion better if I broke my ‘story’ into smaller units as follows:
1. There is an “after life”
First of all, let me affirm here (as rightly presupposed in the question) that there is life after death. And whether you believe in it or not does not change the fact that an ‘afterlife” exists.
If you are a believer, we have an assurance from Jesus Christ that a place is being prepared for us to be when we die. “And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also” John 14:3.
Apostle Paul also made reference to the ‘afterlife’ in some of his Epistles. “If I am to go on living in the body,” he says, “this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far” (see Philippians 1:21-23).
So my dear reader, recognise that it is a fundamental human error – with an eternal consequence – to believe that we cease to exist when we die; that all we have in this life is all there is, that there is no life after death.
In the article What happens when we die?, Matt Slick points out, “Some people believe that when we die, we just stop existing. Biblically, this is not true. According to Scripture, we continue after death. But, if we stop existing we will never know it. Therefore, the only thing we could “know” after death is if we continue. Is it worth taking a chance on eternity in the afterlife by hoping you don’t exist anymore? It’s a huge risk to take.”
2. You don’t have to wait till you die to “find out where your final destination would be.”
If you have to wait till you to die to determine the question of the ‘after life’ then it would have been too late. Your time on earth is your opportunity to “decide” your final destination when you die.
If you don’t consciously decide on it before you die, you would have automatically decided that you would spend your afterlife without God. Continue reading to see ‘how’.
3. What the Bible teaches
We understand from the word of God that there are only two possible final destinations for man at the end of life here on earth. One is Heaven, and the other is Hell (Matthew 25:46).
I am sure that you have heard about heaven or hell spoken of from many perspectives. What I am not sure is whether you have firmly understood in your mind what they each stand for.
Suffice to say here that Heaven, is the presence of God, a place full of bliss. Hell, is a place without the presence of God, a place of damnation.
In Revelation 14:11, we are given a glimpse of the kind of torment that will be experienced by the occupants of hell – satan and everyone else who sides with him. “And the smoke of their torment rises for ever and ever. There is no rest day or night for those who worship the beast and his image, or for anyone who receives the mark of his name.”
4. Your destiny is in your hand.
When it comes to deciding where you will spend your after life, I would say it is up to you to decide. First, you have to ‘accept’ that there is an “after life.”
And there are only two possible places you can spend it. It will either be in heaven or in hell.
The only way to spend it in heaven is to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and personal Saviour while you are still alive here on earth. “Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved” (Acts 4:12).
So it is in your best interest to not only acknowledge that there is an afterlife, but also to plan or prepare for it.
Do you believe in the afterlife? What’s your view?
One of the things I learnt from starting a blog was that not all your family and friends will be enthusiastic about your blog as you would want them to be. And there could be many reasons for that…
You know what they say, “A prophet has no honour in his own country.” So it could mean that some of your friends and family who do not read your blog do not believe in you enough to do so. After all, don’t they read other blogs on the internet?
If the answer is ‘no’, then I will exempt those of your friends and family who are not internet savvy or are not disposed to blog reading.
On the other hand, you might want to say they are very busy people and so could not make out sufficient time for your blog. That’s possible too, but don’t we all create time for what is important to us? I dare to say that if they considered your blog important, they would make out time for it.
Have you also thought of the fact that some of them could be jealous of you over your blog? Please forgive my frankness, but that’s the reality of our world.
Suddenly, you are doing something different (or even better) than all of them are doing. And you want them to heartily urge you on by checking out your blog and supporting it? I bet you that some of them might not want to do that wholeheartedly.
You have the freedom to expect that your friends and family members would be the most ardent followers/readers of your blog. But you might get to find out that they are not even interested. That awful reality should never discourage you.
Consider yourself fortunate if your family and friends are part of the ardent readers of your blog. I congratulate you on that too. But never you take them for-granted because they are giving you all the needed support.
There is nothing in this post that suggests that you should badger your friends and family into reading your blog. If it is okay by you, you may just let them know about your blog. But it is not okay to try to ‘force’ them to read it.
I don’t know what your experience is, but in my own case, it has not really worked out very well for me in trying to ‘get’ family and friends to regularly check out my blog. I have left that decision to them.
Let me even ask you: do you mind if your friend and family read your blog? For me, I don’t mind! But I know everybody is not like me. (Obviously!). There are some authors who don’t even want the closest people to them to read their blogs.
One of such people claimed that what she writes on her blog are things her family do not know are part of her life. So because of some kept personal secrets, she doesn’t want her family (especially her mum) to read her blog. I wonder what you think of that!
My take is that if you are not keeping personal secrets on your blog, there is no reason you shouldn’t want your friends and family to read your posts.
That brings me to the question in the heart of the post: Do your friends and family read your blog? We would like to hear from you in the comment section.
Towards the end of 2018, I read a Keith Haney’s Five ways to expand your ministry capacity. As you can see from the headline of this post, it was that referenced article that inspired this one. Thank you Keith!
Although Keith’s post was predominantly about leadership, I reckon that the things he wrote about – confidence, connections, competence, character and commitment – could also be applied in the world of blogging. Hence, I will expatiate on them here – with the hope of deepening your blogging experience.
1. “Build your confidence”
Anyone who has been blogging for sometime now will admit that blogging is not a bed of roses, neither is it a piece of cake.
Apart from the joy blogging brings, there are also moments of self-doubt, of discouragement and of negative criticisms. Building your self-confidence will help you manage better some of those less exciting moments.
In what areas do you have to build confidence in? As far as your blogging journey is concerned, any area you feel a sense of fear is the area you should start building confidence in.
Have confidence that you can write and start writing. Do not be paralysed by fear.
Have the confidence that your blog will be read and that someone out there will find your posts beneficiary.
Without the minimum level of confidence, your blogging journey will not be too enjoyable.
2. “Expand your connections”
In blogging, you cannot afford to be an island to yourself. You have to connect with other bloggers, both on their blogs and on their other social media handles.
Read other blogs apart from yours. Click the ‘like button’ on any post you have read and liked.
Most importantly, engage the author in further interactions by leaving a suitable comment on the posts you have read. Any reasonable blogger will not fail to respond to your comments.
Reach out to bloggers you admire. Deepen your connections with them.
You have to admit that you will have a lot of things to learn from them, especially if you find that they have done what you want to do or have been where you would desire to be.
Another thing you can also do is to join a blogging community, particularly those in your niche area or that similar values with you. When it comes to blogging, you cannot afford to be a recluse.
3. “Improve your competence”
Most people did not start out on their blogging journeys as pros. They were once amateurs like you and I; but they improved on their game over time.
So if you want to expand your blogging capacity, you have to improve your competence – “the ability to do something successfully or efficiently.”
You may be a noob today but don’t remain that way forever. Learn. Grow.
Improve on your grammar, improve on your writing/editing skills, improve on your posts’ delivery style.
Whatever, you do on your blogging journey today, do it better that you did it yesterday. That’s how we know that your competence level is improving.
Competence goes beyond words. It’s the leader’s ability to say it, plan it, and do it in such a way that others know that you know how – and know that they want to follow you – John C. Maxwell
4. “Strengthen your character”
To deepen your blogging capacity, it is also important you strengthen your character as a person as well. Your character is who you are, your distinctive moral qualities. And just like your shadow, your character follows you wherever you go
Approach your blogging with a sense of honesty. Don’t deceive your readers. Don’t scam them. Deliver on your blogging promises to them and apologise to them where necessary.
If you are a phoney person, it will eventually manifest – no matter how much you try to hide it. And once your readers discover that you can’t be trusted, you will lose their loyalty.
I am not requesting that you should be a flawless and perfect person. While being true to yourself, be a better version of yourself. The bottom line is this: do not sacrifice your character on the altar of success, fame or fortune.
5. “Increase your commitment”
Nothing worthwhile will ever be achieved without commitment. And that’s applicable in blogging too.
“Without commitment you cannot have depth in anything – Neil Strauss.
You cannot expand your blogging capacity if you are not committed to it. Just like a serious athlete commits to his or her daily exercise routine, you have to commit to your blog.
Whether you are blogging professionally or it is a pastime for you, you have to show some level of commitment to it. This is not negotiable.
By increasing your commitment, you will be able to write posts as and when due, respond to your readers’ comments and emails. You don’t want people visiting your blog only to find out that the last time you updated it was three months. Do you?
In what other ways can you expand your blogging capacity? Leave a comment.
Many people will take the wonderful decision to start a blog this year. If you are one of such people or you have recently started a blog, I will like you to know some things which will help you in the blogging journey.
I have been writing this blog for some time now. So I am qualified to share a few helpful thoughts with you. Consider them words of encouragement from someone who has been further down the road you are starting out on.
7 Simple things I would like you to know if you are a new blogger
1. Your decision to start a blog is a step in the right direction
Some people would start a blog and then begin to wonder if they are doing the right thing. If you are thinking like that, then the following words are for you.
I wouldn’t know the reason you started your blog, but one assurance I can give you is that starting a blog is a good step you have taken. So don’t give in to self-doubt!
However, if you are not sure why you started a blog in the first place, take some time off to get that settled. You don’t want your blog to be directionless and purposeless. Do you?
When I started this blog, I saw it as an avenue to share my thoughts with the world and also to explore my writing skill which has remained latent over the years of my life. But I soon discovered that blogging is also a journey of personal development.
Apart from the many other benefits you will get to enjoy from starting a blog, you will get to discover that blogging will help your personal development in many ways. I don’t want to over-flog this point because as you know, the taste of the pudding is in the eating. So ride right ahead on your blogging journey.
2. Read and write extensively
As you have embarked on the blogging journey, know that you have headed in the writing direction. In other words, a blogging journey is largely a writing journey.
One notable thing that writers do is that they read a lot. So if you want to go far with your blogging experience, you have to read and write extensively. By so doing, you will gain more knowledge, have fresh ideas and improve on your writing skills.
If you have the dream to be a published author one day, know that your writing blog is a veritable platform to hone your skills. You get the point?
Your blog is new on the block hence I concede that it will take some time for it to gain due popularity. But if you think the world should read your blog because you have something valuable to share, I think it is worth it for you to take some steps to make the blog more visible than it is right now so that more and more people can discover it to read.
For instance, you should make sure your blog is indexed as ‘public’ rather than as ‘private’ to make it discoverable by search engines. Also when you publish a post on your blog, don’t go to sleep. Promote it on social media and encourage your readers to share it as well.
Those are just a few tips on how to make your blog more visible. You can find out others for yourself.
4. You need to interact with other blogs regularly
I already said you should read very extensively. Part of what you should be reading regularly are posts on other blogs – whether they are in your area of niche or not. I know from my own experience that there are many benefits of reading other people’s blogs.
Don’t be an island to yourself. Reach out and interact with other bloggers. Follow their blogs. Read their posts. Hit the like button on the posts you have read and liked.
Most importantly, leave meaningful comments on other blogs’ posts you have read. Both the writers of the blogs you comment on as well as some of their other readers may follow your trail to your blog to read your posts as well. And please, for goodness sake, don’t tell me you don’t care if no one reads your blog, because that would be a lie!
5.You will face some negative criticisms on your blog
Let no one deceive you, blogging is not a piece of cake. There would be times the feedback you get would seem like a bitter pill to swallow. But it is up to you how you would react to it.
Apart from the hard-work and personal discipline that your blog requires from you, know also that some people will harshly criticise you for it. There are those who will question your decision to start a blog. Some will dismiss your posts as irrelevant and some others will even attack your person.
6. If you leave your blog, your blog will leave you
I don’t mean that to be taken so literally. But I do want to emphasise on the need to stay ‘close’ to your blog. I have a personal rule that no day passes without me checking up on my blog. That way I am able to make draft posts, review pending posts, or catch up with responses on my readers’ comments.
I am not saying you should be like me; follow the pattern that works for you. The important thing is that you don’t leave your blog ‘unattended’ to for weeks or months. Your faithful readers will be left hanging if you do that!
In a way, having a blog is like having a baby. You have to nurture it, feed it regularly and ensure that it remains healthy. That’s what you should do to your blog too.
Respond to readers comments your posts. Write new posts regularly. If you choose to post daily, weekly or monthly as the case may be, please be consistent about it. To keep your readers coming back, you have to give them something good to regularly come back to.
7. You might see the need to start a second blog too
I already assured you that your decision to start a blog is a step in the right direction. So I take it that we are settled on that.
What about starting a second or even a third blog? That’s not a bad idea either. But you have to wait until there is a compelling need for it. Otherwise, your energy might be spread out too thinly across multiple blogs and you might stifle your main one to death.
When I started Victors’ Corner, I didn’t see the need for another blog until three years after. Being a personal blog, I had about six categories of posts I crammed into it. But I have recently seen the need to create a separate blog from the Poems’ Category. That has given rise toLiving Poems blog.
As as you make progress with your current blog, you might sense the need to set up another blog, that’s okay. You are not doing that with the aim of shutting down your current blog but with the purpose of furthering another blogging objective.
Thank you for reading my suggestions to new bloggers. Let the conversation continue in the comment section. What will be your advice to a new blogger?
Part of the joy of blogging is having people following your blog, regularly reading your written thoughts and sending you feedback through their comments, likes, emails, reblogs etc. If you have ever wondered why people are not following your blog, these may just be some of the reasons:
They don’t even know that your blog exists in the first place…
You are not following their blogs…
People get to your blog, but find out your posts care less about their core values…
Beyond sharing my thoughts and being a source of inspiration to my readers, blogging has become a journey of personal development for me. I have learnt new things, improved on my writing skills, acquired new skills, met and interacted with different kinds of people from different places around the world.
I have inspired some people and I have also been inspired by many other people. I have defended my faith, read several insightful posts, gained vast knowledge in many areas of life and so on and so forth
Racial discrimination and prejudices wear attires in Nigeria different from the ones they wear in America. While racism exists as a result of differences in colour of the skin, tribalism hinges on differences in birth-roots. Both are common societal evils that must be dealt a decisive blow in order for us to have a better world.
No one is born hating another person because of the colour of his skin, or his background or his religion. People learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite – Nelson Mandela.
Thank you for reading and happy new year in advance.
Christmas is the season we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, the baby that changed the world. As we celebrate, we should not lose sight of the real essence of it, chief of which was to restore the broken relationship between God and mankind.
Remember that at the birth of Jesus, some angels proclaimed to the shepherds saying, “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests” Luke 2:14. Because of Christmas, peace was proclaimed to those who would come into a relationship with God.
So let us celebrate Christmas with a heart of peace towards God and an attitude of peace towards fellowmen. Towards that end, here are my simple suggestions on the
Three Kinds of people you should make peace with this Christmas:
1. Make peace with God
When God sent Jesus Christ to be born on earth and also gave Him up to die for the ultimate redemption of mankind, He made peace with the world. You can say the war between God and the world is now over.
On a personal level, God has made peace with you by the atonement of Jesus Christ for your sins. He is no longer at war with you over your sinful nature.
But the question now is, “Are you at peace with God?” Being at peace with God means that you have spiritual peace. It means that you have been reconciled to God through Jesus Christ.
If that is not your story yet, let this Christmas season be that opportunity you have been waiting for to be connected back to God. Without having spiritual peace, or simply put, without being reconciled to God, peace in other areas of your life may continue to elude you. Therefore, “Yield now and be at peace with Him; Thereby good will come to you” Job 22:1.
2. Make peace with yourself
Once you have made peace with God, the next natural experience you should have is peace within yourself. Being at peace with yourself means that you have emotional peace – inner peace.
The main reason you are not at peace with yourself is because you are not at peace with God. But if you have made peace with God, it is high time you allowed the peace of God to rule your heart.
Be at peace with yourself because God is at peace with you now. Forgive yourself of your shortcomings because God has already forgiven you.
In response to that apt observation, I am writing this post to highlight some of the expectations from the husband as well. While the former post was for a predominantly women audience, this is directed mainly at men.
That not withstanding, if you are a (married) woman reading this, be sure to continue reading to the end. I assure you, you will not regret it.
Now here are:
8 Things Every Christian Man Should Regularly Give His Wife
This is the first thing a Christian man should give his wife. It is commanded of him by the Lord.
The wife expects her husband to love her wholeheartedly and unconditionally. Your wife is not perfect, but you should love her still!
A husband should ensure that the wife’s (emotional, physical, financial, spiritual) needs are provided for.
Not providing for the woman will leave her feeling stressed, frustrated and insecure.
The husband should provide protection to the wife against the harmful effects of the elements, hurtful people and other harmful things;
The husband should provide security to the wife so she has “freedom from, or resilience against, potential harm (or other unwanted coercive change) from external forces.”
The christian husband should provide all kinds of leadership, including spiritual leadership, to the wife.
The wife may be disillusioned if the husband fails to show or lead the way.
Commitment in marriage is a journey not a destination. The husband should daily demonstrate his commitment to his wife.
The wife expects her husband to be committed to her and only her. The commitment is not for a short while, she (rightly) expects it to be forever.
The Christian man should not share his affection with any other woman; he should continue to demonstrate continuing loyalty and support to his wife only.
The man should emotionally and intimately commit to being faithful to his wife. He should not seek sexual gratification from anyone other than his wife.
The wife is called the help-meet for the husband. But that doesn’t mean the husband cannot be a helper to the wife too.
A wife expects her husband to help out (especially with the chores) around the house.
The husband should seek to understand and share the feelings of his wife.
He should give a listening ear to his wife, be patient with her and forgive her a million times in a day.
Remember what the Bible says:
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” Ephesians 5:25-27 NIV.
Thank you for reading my thoughts. Feel free to tell me what you think in the comment section.
I was recently invited to be part of the discussants in a church’s women’s end-of-year conference. But I sent them my apologies because I had another engagement billed for the date and time they chose.
However, the organisers requested that (since I could not be physically present at the event) I sent in my contribution in writing on Things Every Christian Woman Should Give Her Husband. I obliged their request by sending them a written short note as I thought it out.
The feedback I got after the programme was that my note was a blessing to them in that meeting. So in this post, I have decided to share with you the same thoughts I shared with those church women in their conference. I hope you find something useful in it.
Like I said, I drafted the write-up for a predominantly women audience, but that does not mean that you should not read it if you are a man. So let’s go there…
7 Things Every Christian Woman Should Regularly Give Her Husband
A husband expects his wife to respect him in two ways:
By words – what she say to him and about about.
By action – how she treats him at home or outside the home.
A Christian wife should understand that intimacy and sex is very important to the husband, as this is a need only she can meet;
A wife should not deny the husband his right over her body.
A wife should provide good food, timely and regularly for the husband/family;
A wife who doesn’t know how to cook good food should go and learn.
A husband expects the wife to appreciate him for providing for the family.
A woman should have an attitude of gratitude, not grumbling, not complaining.
A wife should show trust and confidence in the ability of the man to lead the home;
A wife should support her husband’s vision or project. She should not use her mouth to tear it down.
The man will never feel peaceful at home if the wife is always nagging.
If a wife fails to create a peaceful home, the husband will not feel happy returning home.
A husband expects his wife to take good care of herself.
She should maintain good personal and family hygiene.
Remember what the Bible says:
The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. Prov. 14:1.
Thank you for reading my thoughts. Feel free to tell me what you think in the comment section.
The Sun was already going down for the day. And there I was seated by the window side on our staff bus being driven home after work.
The vehicle was filled with other staffers who like me had equally earned a living for the day. We were all eager to get back home to our families and to have a well-deserved night rest.
But the ever busy Lagos traffic was hampering our speed; we were moving at snail’s speed. We are used to that kind of experience!
At the moment, I was gazing blankly at the evening sky through the window screen of the vehicle. And suddenly, I perceived in my spirit something I now consider a personal revelation from Above: Your is your reward.
Really? I should have known that a long time ago!
“Your wife is your reward,” I reechoed under my breath.
But how come those words have never formed part of my regular vocabulary? After all, I have always called my wife a “Gift From Above.” And I believe that with all my heart.
Something was happening here: the eyes of my understanding were further being enlightened, with a clear message out from the blues or better put, from the Spirit of God.
Your wife is your reward! It struck me so much that I knew there must be more to those words than I had previously known. So immediately, the researcher in me was called to work; I pulled my smart phone and did a quick Google search of “Your wife is your reward.”
Instead of a preponderance of web articles being thrown up, a Bible reference was atop the search result. And I wasted no moment in opening it to examine.
I was pleasantly surprised to find that these same words, “Your wife is your reward,” are in the Bible (Ecclesiastes 9:9). I took that as a confirmation that it was God that spoke those words directly to my heart moments earlier.
Since then I have read the verse over again from different versions of the Bible. The translation in the New Living Bible helped me understand it better:
Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you under the sun. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly. Ecclesiastes 9:9, NLT.
By ordinary meaning, we know that a reward is “a thing given in recognition of service, effort, or achievement.”
And there in the Bible verse we just read, we have it that your wife is your reward for your earthly toil.
I wouldn’t know what you think of that. But As God is the One who said “Your wife is your reward,” we can be sure that He cannot be mistaken about it.
Quite recently, I ordered a copy of The House Girl, alongside two other titles by the same author. It was a privilege to have the mentioned books autographed and delivered to my door-step by the author herself.
During my meeting with the author, I had promised her that I would read the books and give her a review. (In case you missed it, you may read From a Blog friend to a true life friend, being the post I used to share my face to face meeting with the author on that fateful day).
What follows in this post will be my review of the first of the three books I purchased from her stable which I have read completely so far. Subsequent reviews will follow once I have finished reading the other titles.
Ufuomaee, the brilliant author of The House Girl, is “a young professional, a social entrepreneur and the Founder/CEO of Fair Life Africa Foundation, a charity that supports under-privileged children” in Nigeria. She is the author of Ufuoma series blog where she shares about her faith in God, and also writes “Christian romantic fiction, with lots of drama and scandal, that challenges all to think about their lifestyle and choices.”
Her blog is worthy of your visit or follow if you are interested in reading very insightful posts on faith, life and living.
About The House Girl.
The book is about a village girl who was taken to Abuja city to work as a domestic staff for a rich interracial married couple who have also promised to send her to school. While in the employ of the family, the girl discharged her house-duties as expected. But much time passed and she wasn’t registered in any school as promised to her parents.
That made the girl to feel very unhappy and this caught the attention of the man of the house. As a result, both of them began to have short but secret conversations that made them more familiar with each other. Soon enough they each began to have unholy ideas…
With their hearts burning for each other already, “all that restrained them from doing what they both desired to do was self-will and self-control. And that thing called conscience.” But they could only hold out for a little while, as it did not take long before the spirit of lust took the better part of the duo, leading to numerous consensual sexual encounters between them.
Unsurprisingly, the madam of the house soon began to suspect that there was something clandestine going on between her maid and and her husband. It was only a matter of time before her worst suspicions were validated and the aftermath shook her marriage to it’s deepest foundations.
Thankfully, in the end, the marriage narrowly survived from the brink of complete collapse. But not until after all the parties involved in the unfolding drama had been to hell and back.
In more ways than one, I found the book easy to read and the characters largely credible. Anyone who reads the book objectively will admit that that the personalities represented by each of the characters are ‘things’ that are not so far-fetched in whatever society we may find ourselves.
The main characters
Each of the characters, just like any mortal alive, has his or her strengths and weaknesses. And it is how they are managed that determines the results or consequences.
For the protagonist, Chinyere, as vulnerable as she was, she could be considered a victim of her own circumstances. At the same time, it may not be wrong for one to say that she was all too willing to engage in unwholesome canal encounter with the man of the house.
For a teenage girl whom it was implied was without a previous experience in that area, she could have exercised a bit of constraints – may be out of fear or respect, but she didn’t. So instead of one saying that Chinyere was taken advantage of by Donald, the man of the house, one can safely say that she was a willing participant in igniting the fire that almost completely engulfed her life and existence.
Donald, although a seeming gentleman became overcame by lust and exercised no sustained power of restraint in cheating on his wife again and again… May be that’s one of the consequences of his never having to acknowledge that there is a God to whom we are all accountable to.
Besides, even though he claimed he didn’t plan on cheating on his wife with their house maid, he shamefully admitted to “not being strong enough to resist [the beautiful] temptation” under the same roof with him.
The emotional and mental trauma, bribery, blackmail and risk of imprisonment that followed Donald’s misadventure remind everyone that our actions have consequences. And infidelity, like the Bible points out, is like fire. You cannot put it in your bosom and expect not to be burnt (Proverbs 6:27).
As for Osinachi, the madam of the house, at a point she was more or less an absentee wife. Her frequent trips outside the home contributed in creating the vacuum that her husband exploited to begin cheating on her with the house maid.
She also made some avoidable choices that blew up in her face. For instance, in her desperate bid to become a mother after she could not carry a baby to full term, she went on a misguided journey of adopting a child without her husband’s consent, leading to a further alienation from him.
Even after the husband had accepted the new reality of becoming a dad by force (thanks to his wife’s desperation), the adoption was later reversed contrary to their expectation and they found themselves back to square one.
Couples should endeavour to agree on issues of strategic importance in the family. If either party goes solo on such issue, it may not augur well for them at the end.
My favourite character
If I were to choose a favourite character in the book, it would have to be Mrs. Oji, Osinachi’s mum. I like the way she put things in proper perspective for her daughter, when she was seriously heart-broken over her husband’s serial infidelity.
I consider her advice and pep-talk as one of the key things that empowered Osinachi to fight to save her marriage.
“If you don’t know God for yourself…,” said Mrs Oji to her heart-broken daughter, “If you are not walking in His will, how can you lead another to Him? You are in this situation first because of your own sin! When you address that and learn from God what His will is, then you can make corrections in your life. Whether or not your marriage survives is secondary! You just have to get right with God, Osinachi.”
It was this friendly hard-knock that jolted Osinachi to reality. At that moment, she came to realise that “She has been practicing religion all these years; she didn’t know God for herself. No wonder her life could not influence her husband’s.”
Mrs Oji might have been advising her daughter over her husband. But I feel many wives around the world who love their husbands and want to save their marriages could use her other advice too: “Don’t relent in praying for him. Don’t stop forgiving him. Don’t hold back love and respect for him.”
In The House Girl, the author did a good job in telling a relatable story in such a way that vivid life lessons can be drawn from it. Each character presents a different angle to the lessons of life that can be gleaned from the book.
I found that that the following themes were covered in the book: The vulnerability of the girl child (especially the one from a less privileged background) to sexual exploitation, making an interracial marriage work, issues around child-bearing, challenges with child adoption, teenage pregnancy, living with a mental health issue, secrecy in marriage, love and commitment, forgiveness, personal relationship with God, role of parents in-law in saving a troubled marriage, rape, infidelity, blackmail, bribery, to mention but a few.
I liked reading the book and I would not hesitate in recommending it to you as well. I think that irrespective of one’s age or experiences in life, anyone that reads that books will definitely find a lesson or two to draw from it for personal application.
In closing, I will leave you with the following quotes from the book:
“It takes strength to give grace to others.”
“We are only as strong as our minds, not even our bodies.”
“We have to make sure we are working in faith and obedience if we want God’s best.”
“In service to others and in simplicity, there is so much joy to be found in life.”
“Never close the book on anyone, nor underestimate what you or anyone can be[come] tomorrow.”
“Never miss an opportunity to make impact in some one else’s life. Even if they never pay it back, they will pay it forward through the contribution they will make in the world.”
“Do not be afraid to challenge the system you enter. Do not be afraid to be the difference. All life is growth and change and you are the change the world is waiting for.”
The House Girl is available for purchase on Amazon.
In a previous post, I suggested that you could turn some of the most outstanding comments on your blog into full-fledged posts. The idea is that turning outstanding comments on your blog to full-fledged posts will open up the comments for more visibility, further discussion and more impact and penetration.
To show that I have already walked the talk, please allow me to briefly share 5 of my readers’ comments that were turned into full-blown posts on this blog. (Clicking on the highlighted titles will lead you to the full version of the post).
This particular post captured the true-life story of one of my blog readers who experienced racial discrimination in Southern Africa. It was her personal response to an earlier post of mine, namely Racism in the US Vs tribalism in Nigeria.
In the reader’s words,
“Discrimination is something that really pricks me because I have experienced it. For the life of me, I just cannot understand why people choose to look down on other people because of intangible attributes/features.
“The funny thing is that you don’t have to go as far as America to witness and feel the effect of racism. Come down to the southern part of Africa, you would see and feel it yourself. It’s more transparent in South Africa and Namibia than in other Southern African countries.”
As the discussion on racial discrimination continued on the blog, another reader introduced a different perspective saying,
“…Being prejudiced comes in many forms and it isn’t just restricted to those who have a different skin-colour – although that is one of the more obvious forms. …All of us are prejudiced in some ways; it could be education, upbringing, intelligence, success or failure and a host of other “particulars”.
But does that mean racism is justified? The answer is No!
As the reader further expatiated, “Racial prejudice is wrong in all of it’s various forms but I fear it is a condition of the human heart regardless of our skin-colour, regardless of our education or upbringing or success or failure…
“We all are creations of our Creator, made in His image and we [are in] error if we think otherwise. And most importantly, we all need the saving Grace that God in His wisdom holds over to us, namely the acceptance and saving shed blood of His Son, Jesus Christ, to make us new.”
This post captured some of the most interesting conversations I have had with some atheists on this blog. One of them claimed nature has helped his understanding of life more than the ‘man in the sky.” But he would not acknowledge that the man in the sky, so-called, is the Architect of the Universe, the One whom it was that put the natural world in place.
“God is out of touch with the world” claimed another so-called atheist. To that I responded, “It is even more appropriate to say that it is the people of the world that are losing touch of God. All men, including you, need to get know God better.” How can someone who doesn’t exist lose touch?
Yet another self-professed atheist got carried away during one of our conversations and he kept saying, God is wicked, God doesn’t love humans, God enjoys to see people suffer, etc. Really? I couldn’t hold back asking him, “How can the God you say doesn’t exist be wicked and loveless?
All these led me to surmise that many atheists are living in self-denial when they say that God doesn’t exist, because deep in their hearts they know that they are wrong.
In this post, I shared the comment of a reader, who in a very frank manner, identified with the pervasive personal struggle against lust and pornography, as well as the ways to overcome them.
According to this reader, we must all understand that pornography has harmful effects on our lives, careers and family. Therefore, it should not be accepted as a normal thing in our daily living.
To deal with addiction to pornography decisively, the reader recommends that we must identify the things that trigger the desire in us and set up adequate defences against them.
Worthy of mention, is the readers suggestions that “we need to spend quality time with GOD every day, not as a to-do-list or a good christian checklist. But because God wants a relationship with us, and how do we have a relationship with anyone we never spend time with?”
As a leader, you should love your team members, even when things do not go according to plan.
As one author observed, ”If you are leading anything of significance then you will regularly run into many uncertainties, obstacles, and failures. And it is the way you deal with these situations, how you handle things going wrong, that truly defines your leadership.”
And when things do go wrong, you as the leader should build a shared understanding of the root-cause of the problem through what the reader called “exploration conversations” without demoralising any member of your team.
“This approach doesn’t preclude a leader from holding people accountable for their actions. In fact, it is the opposite. If you don’t hold people accountable then you aren’t really being a loving leader.”
You have read some of the blog comments on this site that I turned into full-fledged posts. You can click on the embedded links to read the complete posts.
Have you ever turned a reader’s comment into a full-fledged post on your blog? Feel free to leave a feedback or reaction in the comment section below.