Welcome to the third post in the towards a better marriage series. In the introductory post, we talked about the fact that problems are inevitable in marriage. But it was also pointed out that your spouse is not the problem personified.
If you see your spouse as the problem in your marriage, you will end up blaming him/her anytime anything goes wrong in the relationship.
The blame-game is not a pleasant game to engage in. It leads to resentment.
That led us to the second post in the series: 6 Simple Reasons You Should Not Blame Your Spouse.
We saw that blaming your spouse does not solve the problem in your marriage; neither does it promote a healthy relationship between you both.
Two Types of Spouses in the World
There are two types of spouses in the world:
- those who are convinced that they made the right choice of marriage partners; and
- those who are not convinced that they chose the right person.
Congratulations to you if you belong to the remarkable first category! Even if you belong to the latter group, you don’t have to panic or give up on your marriage. Trust me, there is still hope for you.
Irrespective of the circumstances surrounding your marriage, it is my hope that you will eventually get to the point where you will completely and wholeheartedly accept the person you got married to as your own Mr/Mrs Right.
Once you have properly married, it is self-deception to still be thinking that your Mr/Mrs Right is out there. No, he/she is not out there anymore, because I know where he/she is: in your house, in your life. Stop looking elsewhere!
Accept Your Spouse As Your Mr/Mrs Right
In this post, I will push further on the journey towards a better marriage experience. I will do that by suggesting that you have to convince yourself that you have married the right person, even if you have ‘reasons’ to feel that you married the ‘wrong’ person. Please take of the words “convince yourself…”
This assertion is based on the twin premises that you are in a committed marriage and it is your goal to see things work out better between you and your spouse.
Is it achievable? I bet it is – with your cooperation of course! Come to think of it, it is really not fair to tell your spouse you made a mistake in marrying him/her.
You shouldn’t be thinking or saying such, except you want your union to hit the rocks soon. You know I love you too much to wish that for you.
For instance, I have been married for five years now. I would with all modesty say that I have no regrets marrying my wife.
She is not perfect, neither am I… But one reason for that high feeling of assuredness is that I accepted her completely as the will of God in marriage for me. I know that if you ask her, she would say the same thing about me too. (I already shared about this in details in the post How I met my wife).
Just for the sake of argument, what if I told my wife she was the greatest mistake of my life? Would she be happy to hear that? Do you think that would make our marriage work out better? I guess you don’t think so.
On the other hand, what if she is the one that wakes up tomorrow and tells me she regrets marrying me? I don’t want to begin to imagine how devastating that would be to us and our union. Surely I would be sad and disappointed, to say the least!
What does that tell you my friend? It shows that you are calling for trouble if you fail to accept the person you married as your own Mr/Mrs Right – especially if you are the type that takes every opportunity you get to tell your spouse that you made a big mistake in marrying him/her.
Let’s face it, it is not good news in your spouse’s ears if you keep telling him/her you made a mistake in marrying him/her. Unfortunately, some people are living in that awful state of not having accepted their spouses as the right person.
Why did I say so? Because of
Some wrong things you say to your spouse
- Marrying you was the greatest mistake of my life.
- I shouldn’t have married you.
- I was drunk the day I accepted to marry you.
- You are a devil.
- I regret marrying you.
- I curse the day I married you.
- I was deceived into marrying you.
- Given a second chance, I wouldn’t marry you again.
- I am just stuck with you.
- Our marriage will never work…
If you are one of those who use any of the above sentences on your spouse, you have to stop it except you want to completely destroy your marriage. In fact, you should give your spouse an unreserved apology and make a very firm promise that you would never say such thing any longer.
Whomever you got married to has become the right person for you
For the sake of emphasis, I will say it again: once you are married, your partner is automatically your Mr/Mrs Right. Accept him/her that way – whether you feel like it or not.
A reputable international radio and TV preacher I admire so much once said, “I don’t know if you married the right person for you or not. But I know that whomever you got married to has become the right person.”
I wish every married couple would appreciate and live by the spirit of that statement. Otherwise, much crisis in the union would be inevitable.
What do you think of spouses who think they married the wrong person? Let the interaction begin in the comment section.
Still ahead: Towards a Better Marriage 4: Five Dire Consequences of not accepting your spouse as your Mr/Mrs Right.
©CopyRight 2016 | Victor Uyanwanne
Reblogged this on I G Malgwi's Blog.
Thanks for sharing the message.
Thanks for this wonderful work, Victor! I pray this would open to many that SACRIFICE is what marriage calls for.
Once again thank you.
Amen. Thank you Jimout.
Very well put, Victor. If only spouses would determine to make their marriages work in spite of their imperfections, most families wouldn’t break down. Thanks for sharing the insight
Thank you Joseyphina for reading. God bless you.
God bless you too
Amen.
” I agree very much with what you shared Victor about saying unloving and damaging words to our Spouses but are and your wife both aiming to be Perfected in Love ?” of course not meaning Worldly perfection.
Blessings – Anne.
Thank you Ànne. Yes we are aiming to be better …to be perfect in love as Christ wants us to be. But we are not there yet.
Nor am I yet Victor, it seems we are all where Paul was before he was Perfected in Love and Righteousness, as we see confirmed below but at least we are Aiming for it as God asks us to do and until we are Perfected Thankfully we are under God’s grace and Sanctified, which does not give us the freedom to Sin but is a covering if we do, Jesus is our Advocate when we have heart repentance and turn away from evil seeking to do good by the empowering of The Holy Spirit.
Philippians 3:12-15 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made Perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the Prize for which God has called me Heavenward in Christ Jesus. Let us therefore, as many as be Perfect, be thus minded: and if in any thing ye be otherwise minded, God shall reveal even this unto you.
2 Corinthians 7: 1 Having therefore these promises, dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, Perfecting Holiness in the fear of God.
Blessings – Anne.
Thanks for this piece with very useful information. Let me mention that after marriage couple have to be committed to make the marriage work. There is no perfect marriage but we have a perfect God who makes all things beautiful. In case one made a mistake while choosing a life partner,God can turn the mistake to a miracle. keep trusting
Chinazo, you nailed it. That exactly is one of the goals of the post. With commitment and trust in God, any marriage can be turned around for the better. Thanks for the very useful contribution.
Nice write up. Marriage is an institution created by God. God by His nature is Love. He created man and woman in His own image and the image of God in man is love. Once you are properly married to your spouse, then you should see her/him as mrs/mr right, and blame games would not arise.
That’s right Chuks. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Nice one
Thanks Timi.